Don't look back

Chapter 16

The days are starting to blur together. I feel like I am living on auto pilot. Eat, sleep, repeat. Nothing makes sense. Mary and Brandon are getting away with murder literally and nothing is being done about it. Hiddlebrooke cops know exactly where they are but they do nothing to help the situation.

Kidnapping me twice, well technically only once the second time, I ran straight to them but whatever.

At the present moment, I am a ball of anxiety. No matter what I do, I can't seem to control the panic attacks. It might not help that Cameron has been as cold as ice to me. One minute he was all over me, making sure I was okay. The next minute he is shutting me out.

I know I said I wouldn't leave him again, but he isn't making me stay any easier.

Ainsley walks through to the loungeroom where I am sitting staring at the black tv screen.

Ainsley- "Hey Luce"

I nod my head at Ainsley, hoping he won't stay to start a conversation. I think at this present time a conversation with me will only go one of two ways. I'll cry or I'll run

Ainsley- "Luce, you need to talk to me"

I turn my head slowly towards Ainsley. The tears are already starting

Lucille- "I have nothing to say"

Ainsley- "You have a lot you can say. So how about you let it all out and we can work out a way to get you back to some type of normalcy"

The flood gates have opened. There is absolutely no way to stop it, even if I tried.

Lucille- "Ainsley, I have had enough. My life is a complete mess. I have no idea if I will ever get through this. My mother is killing people left, right and center. Not only has she ruined my life by just being my mother, she planted people in my life to make sure I never got into anything that she was hiding"

I take a shaky breath

Lucille- "Now she has gone off and killed my ex husband. My heart is broken because of everything that has happened with him. Then I had Cameron. I had him. Now he doesn't want anything to do with me. I have no more strength to keep fighting for something that isn't there. I promised him I wouldn't run but he isn't making it easy for me to stay either. Maybe I should just let my mother kill me or even have Brandon have his way with me"

Ainsley looks horrified at my confession to him

Ainsley- "I'm sorry Luce. I can't even start to comprehend what you are going through, but the one thing I know I won't let you do is to give up"

Lucille- "I'm done. What is worth living for when everyone that you have loved have given up on you. I know I sound like a drama queen right now. Woah poor me, but fuck Ainsley. Where are the supporters in my corner. I have never felt so bloody alone when in a room full of people. I have to do the right thing for everyone. I'll be out of your place by the end of the day"

Ainsley- "I will not let you leave Lucille"

Lucille- "You have no say Ainsley"

Ainsley stands up abruptly. He starts pacing the floor. Mumbling incoherently.

Ainsley- "You can't go Luce. Please just stay"

I stand up and start walking towards the bedroom.

I walk into the room and close the door behind me. I grab a small duffle bag and pack the clothes I have here. It doesn't take me long to get all my shit together. I am blocking out all the sounds of Ainsley screaming and yelling at me to not do this.