Where is it? It seems like you have no idea now that you've grown up. This question might've brought you to think the things you once dreamt because they seem to have faded away when you started that routine you currently have.
You used to know and be so passionate about them. And I'm sorry.
I am sorry from the bottom of my heart if your situation isn't what you pictured out on your mind before, if the days you're having now aren't how you dreamt them to be when you were nine, if this is where you ended up, far from your expectations, after all that you've been through.
I am sorry, not because I pity you, but because I mourn with you.
There's no point in romanticizing your situation and your experiences. It's easy to say that everything will be okay, but it wouldn't help. It's easy to pinpoint others who have gone through the same, but it wouldn't make things any different.
But hey, listen. As long as you're breathing, nothing is ever too late to work for.
I am very sure that you have already done what you could have. You've been through what you thought you have to go through, and they are not useless nor wasted. All those seasons that you've been through are never wasted and they're in business to bring you to where you will be. And while there's nothing you can do with the past, there's something that you can do with what you're given today.
Today is not your end. It might be one of the destinations that you have to go through and experience, but it isn't your ultimate, final, place.
Dear, as long as you have breath, there's still so much to be done, to be discovered, and to be hopeful for.
Keep on fighting and waiting.
Keep fighting for the beautiful things you're believing in, for the moments that bring you joy and peace, and for the people who didn't give up and are never giving up on you. Keep fighting for the life that's made for you to love and be loved, a life that is more precious than diamonds.
Keep waiting for your breakthrough. Keep waiting for the Lord's provisions and miracles. Keep waiting on the right time that the Lord has prepared. What's for you might not be the very thing that's on your mind, but believe in the Lord because whatever He gives you will always be beautiful. Everything that comes from Him is good, beautiful, and purposeful.
So, chin up. Don't waste today to sulk at your corner. It's okay to rest but don't give up and don't forget to lift your head up. You'll see your Father in heaven smiling down at you. Enjoy His presence today more than how you can enjoy His blessings. Because His presence is already a breakthrough, a joy, a light. It's a sunshine that pierces through your pain and sadness to trade them with joy and gladness.
Your breakthrough is coming like the sun rising. It's a dawn breaker, a massive light that will overcome your dead of night.
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
Isaiah 43:19
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May the Lord bless you and keep you. ♡
