Senseless

Chapter Two

  The days that followed flew by in a blur. I had no semblance of time, just light and dark, the never ending ebb and flow of life. For the first time in my life I hated the small town I chose to raise my daughter in. I hated the pity behind shaded eyes, the whispers, the extra unwanted attention. I hated the lack of any new information, the more I pushed the less I got. 

  How do you go about planning a funeral that you are never supposed to worry about? How do you talk to the countless people paying their respects knowing that the one responsible is still walking free? So many questions haunted my sleepless nights. The hardest question was seemingly unanswerable...why?

  I looked at the pictures I had chosen to display at the service later today. One when Emily was just five, wearing a princess dress, rain boots, and a cowboy hat. She was holding a stuffed rabbit and a baby doll, smiling her huge, cheesy, smile. Her favorite outfit and toy combination at the time, and one that summed up her personality perfectly. 

  The next was a few years later, at school, holding her award for the annual spelling bee. I remembered how proud she was that day, how grown up she looked. It was then that I knew she was destined for great things. Of course every parent is biased, myself included, but the hard work she put in was truly inspiring for her young age. She wanted it and worked for it, something most adults these days seemed to have trouble with.

  I had also chosen a picture that she hated, but it was my favorite. I had taken it candidly during one of our many horseback rides. She was about twelve here. Her head was thrown back in laughter at what was most likely something at my expense. I wished I could remember what made her laugh like that.  Sadness came creeping back in as I wondered what other memories would fade with time. The regret of not writing down more moments like this heavy on my mind.    

  I looked at the last two photos I had chosen, one that she didn't know I had taken, I had intended to use it as blackmail when she brought a boy home. Now it seemed silly, my reasons for taking it a painful reminder of how many things I had taken for granted. She was laying on her bed in a penguin onesie, sheetmask on, long blonde hair in curlers, talking on the phone. This was a time that we normally shared, never to be spoken of outside of our home, but a friend had called and needed advice. She was so quick to jump on an opportunity to help, she always put others first. 

  The last one was with all of her friends, sitting around our table. In front of her was a large birthday cake. We had stayed up late the night before making everything perfect, dancing to our favorite songs, and gossiping. The happiness radiating from her crystal clear, candles not yet lit, no wishes made. I wondered what she did wish for that day, wondered if it had a chance to come true.

Six short months later and she was gone, taken from me, never coming home. I'd never hear her laugh again, never stay up late helping her cram for a test, never argue over who's turn it was to wash dishes. 

  I looked back at the last picture, eyes blurring as I stared at what we had written on the cake...Happy Sweet Sixteen!