Senseless

Chapter Four

  I drove to the police station as fast as my nerves would let me. I could feel my hands shaking, my whole body shaking if I was honest. I grasped the wheel so hard my knuckles turned white. When would this horror end? 

  I couldn't understand how it had been placed in my car. I always locked it, even though most didn't in our town. There was virtually no crime here, unless you counted the occasional drunk argument. Even that was uncommon. Everyone knew everyone else, and the embarrassment was almost too much to bear if you did something stupid. 

  I, personally, always locked the car because it had always been a little game between Emily and myself. When she was young, between three and five, she always claimed to have left something in the car. Anytime we went anywhere, something was left behind, and we'd have to go look for it. Most of the time it was just a ploy to have more cuddles, kisses, and tickles. I was still working so hard, so often, that the car had become our happiest place. It was our sanctuary, where we could sing our lungs out to all of the Disney soundtracks, without watching the movies on repeat. 

  One day I was running late, oh the struggle was real with her, and I saw that mischievous glint in her eye. I told her that she had until the car locked to remember anything she may need. Once the car beeped it was game over, her doll or book was going to be punished for being left behind. We always acted like it was the object that was responsible, but in all reality our simple game made us both more observant. It was simple, silly, but it stuck.

  I'd never had a reason to fear life in this town, but clearly I was wrong. Realizing that I had slowed down, I accelerated again, punching the gas. Today the eight minute drive to the other side of town felt like I was living on the outskirts of town. Glancing back down at the package next to me I swore I could hear the digital clock ticking.

  Looking back up I saw a red pickup truck veering into my lane! I knew that if I didn't punch it harder it would hit me. punching the gas pedal with both feet I flew by the truck, honking my horn. Adrenaline pumping through my veins, I narrowly avoided the collision. 

  As I looked in my rear view mirror the truck swerved back and came to an abrupt stop on the side of the road. I slowed, turning around, since they stopped I may as well give them a piece of my mind! Too much had been going on lately and I was at the end of my rope. I pulled up behind the truck, unsure of who the driver was. As I got out of the car I realized I didn't recognize the truck, which, out this way I should. 

  As I got to the window I was surprised to see the driver. It was the young officer that had come to tell me about my daughter. He looked scared, he was clearly very shaken up. As he looked over at me I saw the recognition flash in his eyes. He rolled down his window, visibly shaking.

  "Ma'am! I am so sorry! I guess I fell asleep at the wheel." He looked horrified as he continued on, "I've never done anything like this before! I've been working extra shifts lately and, well, ma'am...to be honest I haven't been sleeping real well." 

  "You could've been killed!" I scolded him. "You're very lucky I was paying attention or you could've killed me too!" Seeing the look on his face I decided to soften my tone, he was just a kid after all. "Are you okay?"

  "Yes ma'am," He mumbled, "I'm okay. I'm terribly sorry. I was almost home too." 

  Taking a closer look at him, I noticed the dark circles under his eyes. "Why haven't you been sleeping?" I questioned. I could tell there was something he was leaving me in the dark on. 

  "You're going to think I'm a baby!" He exclaimed, obviously embarrassed. 

  "Try me... I'm a mom." The words escaped me before I knew it, slicing my heart on the way.

  "I knew being a cop wasn't going to be easy," he said sheepishly, "but I wasn't expecting it to be this hard either." He looked me in the eye, reading me,  seeing through me. "Ma'am? I have a confession to make." He looked down at his lap, sighing heavily. As he was opening his mouth to speak his phone buzzed on the seat next to him, causing us both to jump. He looked at the screen, motioned for me to wait a moment, and answered it. 

  It was reminiscent of not too long ago, watching Emily answer the same way. I turned away, giving him some privacy. That was something that Emily and I had battled over. She was my best friend, we shared everything. However, the double standard was made very clear in the past couple of years. My little girl was growing up, and while she would often tell me after, it was no longer okay for me to be around for the phone conversations. 

  Looking around at our surroundings, I found myself thinking of how odd this would look to anyone traveling by. I never realized how far out a few miles could seem. I was curious about what the confession was...but it was making me uneasy as well. While not completely secluded, this road was not busy by any means. Before Emily had gone missing I hadn't really ever thought about anything in a darker manner. It was almost as if she had taken all of the light with her.  

  "Ma'am," he said, making me jump, "I'm sorry, but I have to go." He put his truck in drive and sped off, leaving me in the dust. What had just happened? What about the "confession" that he was supposed to reveal?