Chapter 15:
Niall’s POV
I run. I don’t know to where but I just need to get out of there. I haven’t even eaten yet but I don’t care, I just can’t be in the same room with the girl who has my heart and is now giving it back to me in pieces.
Walls, big ones with steel bolts and electric fencing at the top. Barbed wire and locked steel cages, frozen so no one can touch it. That’s how safe my heart is now; I’m not letting anyone get to it anymore. I tried being the nice Niall I always am but I just can’t anymore. I know it was too much of a risk but I said to myself “Melody is the one”.
I somehow end up by the town bridge, with fast running water under my feet being pushed upon jagged rocks and big boulders. I can do it, I can jump off and fall into the 5 feet of water probably hitting my head on a rock and it will be over with. No more pain, no more bullying, or being shoved into lockers. Total peace. I’d never do it though, I love myself too much and I plan on proving to everyone that they are wrong about me.
But now, even with my heart, body, soul and mind untouchable by humans other than myself due to all my guard, I ask, Why? Am I not good enough? Am I as ugly as I had always thought? Am I too skinny? Too blonde? Not talented? Not worth it?
I think back to all those times I was with her, and only one crosses my mind in a bad way.
*Flashback*
We are home alone as the movie finishes, and I’m guessing she’s leaving now like she always does, until I feel lips pressed against mine. I fight back trying to gain control because she caught me off guard. Her touch sends shock waves around my cold body making me warm as she sits on my lap digging her nails on my back and getting under my loose v-neck.
Her lips move to my neck making me tense up but in a good way, I feel a lot more active than I usually am around her and she’s not making it any easier. I flip her on to the couch so I’m on top now, slowly playing with the locks on her hair and kissing her neck as she did to me. Our shoes are already off and I chose a bad day to wear sweatpants, she takes my shirt off throwing it who knows where, and in this moment I could care less. She starts to take of her shirt and that’s when it hits me. This is my first time, and I don’t think I’m ready. She goes to pull down my pants slowly as I’m still processing what I’m about to do. I stop…
Trying to focus all my thoughts on what I truly want and I want this. I want her and she clearly wants me. It’s a perfect night, no one’s home and we have the house to ourselves. She flips me over realizing I dosed off but I all I can see is her perfection, her silky brown waves of hair, her chocolate eyes and pouted lips. She slowly kisses my torso making me laugh, it’s weird but nothing seems sexual even though we both know that’s where this is headed. She starts to pull on my sweatpants again and I freeze as she touches me.
‘C’mon babe, let’s have some fun. Maybe we can go up to your room.’ She whispers. But I don’t give in, this seems awkward and now I realize I just don’t want this, at least not now. Let’s face it I’m still a virgin and want to keep it that way until I truly know she’s the one, so far it’s been a perfect relationship but it’s been 2 and a half months. I’m just not ready.
‘Mel can we just cuddle and go to bed, if you want to spend the night I’ll make us some dessert and while you eat I can sing a new song I’m writing for you.’ I say. Trying to sound shy and innocent like always.
‘If we aren’t going to do anything special than I better get home Ni’ she says putting on her shirt and converse. I don’t want her to go, not yet anyway, she was ready to sleep with me after having sex but she won’t stay over for just a nice cuddle with her boyfriend. This is stupid.
