Mein Liebling

Untitled Part 19

 Edward POV:

Zhe vorld blurs around me, a familiar emptiness nuzzling into zhat aching shpace in mein heart, only... much vorse . I feel as zhough my chest is about to rip open, und honestly it shounds much less painful than vhat I'm currently dealing vizh . I... I don't know vhat to do...

Vhat is zhe point now?

Zhe chains disappear from around my wrists, but I'm unable to move. My shoulders shlump forvard as I close my eyes, zhe light breeze tickling zhe vet trails along my cheeks und down my neck. Zhe tears sheemed to shtop , but, I can't be entirely sure.

I feel zhe dog, Gaius, lick at mein hand, nudging it und letting out a soft vhimper . His ears are vilted , his eyes looking up at me from zheir downturned position almost as zhough he too vas crying. His body seems to shake, clearly undershtanding more of vhat had occurred zhan I vould have zhought , und grieving for zhe loss of his mozher; seeking comfort, he nudges my hand again.

Vizh some numbness, I lift my hand und gently stroke along his face und vhipe avay zhe vetness under his eyes. I didn't know zhat dogs could actually cry, but he seems to shudder und vhimper again, leaning into my touch.

I had forgotten about my surroundings, lost in my own zhoughts und heartache.

Zhe hand at my shoulder startles me.

"Doc, I-" Dempsey softly grips at my arm, helping me to shtand . "I'm so sorry, I had no idea that you and..." He drops his eyes und clears his throat, shaking his head shlightly . "I didn't know."

For once, I can't find zhe vords to shay... I just vant to find a corner to sit in und forget any of zhis ever happened; I vant to vake up from zhis nightmare.

Nikolai pats my shoulder hesitantly. "I can say, with truth, that I know how it feels, Richtofen. I do not wish such pain on even worst enemy... much less comrade." He sighs und seems to study my expression, I don't even vant to know zhe messy shtate zhat I'm surely in right now, I can feel my eyes sting from zhe crying, my cheeks still vet, my wrists bleeding from my struggles vizh zhe chains. I can only imagine vhat zhey must zhink of me now. "And certainly not a friend ."

I meet his eyes, seeing zhe sorrow in zhem und knowing he is being genuine.

Takeo stands beside him, his brows knitted together. I've never seen him like zhis , so uncertain und... sad. "I am deeply sorry, Richtofen." He bows his head slowly before meeting mein eyes again. "To lose a soulmate is a tragedy, but we must remember old saying: It is better to have found your true love, and lost it, than to have never found it at all. You must embrace the good, doctor, and be glad for what time you had with her."

My throat aches, but I manage to shpeak a few vords . "I appreciate zhe sentiment, Takeo, but I am inclined to disagree..."

Nikolai nods knowingly, und I shuffle off to return to zhe vehicles, Gaius close behind me.

Dempsey radios zhe ozhers zhat ve are moving out.

"Copy that Alpha, where's The Eagle?"

I feel meinshelf flinch, but I keep moving numbly zhrough zhe trees anyvay.

Dempsey takes a breath und clears his zhroat again, seeming to choke back shlightly as his voice cracks. "She- she didn't, uh... She didn't make it."

"Alpha... can you repeat that??"

"She's gone..." He whispers into zhe radio, sniffling at zhe end und shaking his head before shpeaking again. "Just get to the damn trucks, we're leaving."

Gaius jumps up in zhe back of zhe truck, his ears shtill lowered und body shtill shlumped . I give him one last pat before sitting in zhe passenger seat of zhe truck. Zhe ozhers pile in, Dempsey hesitantly taking zhe driver's seat, und Takeo und Nikolai sitting in zhe back.

I shtare out zhe vindow , shtill hoping I vill vake up at any moment und find her lying in bed next to me, sleeping peacefully und be able to wrap my arms around her.

Anozher tear escapes to run down my cheek. I vipe it avay, but it does not go unnoticed.

"Doc, I-"

"I don't vant to hear it, Dempsey..." I mutter, interrupting him before he can give me any more to deal vizh right now.

"Dammit Richtofen, I have something to say and you're gonna listen to it." He vaits for a moment, glancing over briefly before returning his eyes to zhe road ve are driving on, und continuing vizh vhatever he has to shay. "I'm sorry. For all of it. I know you don't wanna hear any of this, especially not right now, but I'm only gonna say it once, and I can't believe I'm saying it at all... But I'm sorry for how I treated you, I-" He clears his throat und shifts his grip on zhe steering vheel. "I didn't know about you two... I thought you were up to something, and I didn't trust how squirrelly you acted around her. I know now that you loved her, and-"

"Dempsey," I face out zhe vindow again, squeezing mein eyes shut as I feel zhe shtinging in my throat velling up again. "Please just shtop talking..."

"She clearly loved you too." He finishes anyvay.

I feel anozher tear, und my chest heaves as I try to shteady meinshelf. I don't zhink I can do zhis...

"I think maybe," Nikolai softly shpeaks up from zhe back seat. "We leave it at that and let Richtofen have his silence."

Zhe ozher men apparently agree, zhe rest of the drive back is silent, und I honestly don't know vhich is vorse ... Zheir pity, or being alone vizh mein own zhoughts.

Ve arrive back at zhe compound, und news seems to have traveled already, as zhe solemn faces greet us as ve drive zhrough . Ve lost quite a few people today, und zhat is alvays a sad zhing , but... I lost zhe one zhing zhat actually mattered ; zhe one glimmer of happiness zhat I had been given. I should have known, of course, zhat it vould end zhis vay . I never get zhe happy shtory ; I'm doomed to suffer alone, zhat is my curse to bear.

Dempsey places a hand on my shoulder as I step out of zhe truck. "We've got this, why don't you go inside and get something to eat?"

I nod, not vanting to argue, and honestly not vanting to deal vizh zhe task of unloading all zhe equipment vhen I can barely concentrate on putting one foot in front of zhe ozher.

Gaius and I find out vay back to zhe apartment, but... I find meinshelf just... shtanding zhere , frozen in place. Zhe tears vell up in my eyes again as I shakily grip zhe handle, und, taking a deep breath, I twist to push zhe door open.

Ve both slowly valk inside, shutting zhe door behind us as I turn on zhe lights.

It is exactly as ve left it, vhich seems so unreal... She vas just here... I just held her in my arms und kissed her as she promised me zhat ve vould be back. She promised me zhat she vould be ok, und zhat I vouldn't have to lose her.

She promised me .

I feel my legs buckle und collapse to my knees, zhe tears flowing uncontrollably as I burry my face in my hands.

She's gone...