Mein Liebling

Untitled Part 33

The walk home seems to take ages, your mind racing with what could possibly warrant needing all 3 of you to sit down for a talk. Had something happened? Is this what Zack was being weird about?

Your apartment door looms in front of you, your hand hesitating above the handle before stepping inside.

Zack sits atop your dresser, Edward leaning against the wall nearby, both of their attentions drawn as you enter. Edward wraps his arms around you, pressing a lingering kiss to your temple before guiding you further inside. You both lean against the bedframe, facing Zack as he shifts somewhat uncomfortably, opening his mouth and closing it several times before finally speaking.

"So," he starts, his gaze meeting yours before darting to Edward, "We wanted to sit down and talk a little bit about what happened."

You stiffen, the hairs at the back of your neck bristling. "Why?"

He chews at his lip, shaking his head softly as his eyes move back and forth between the two of you. "I hate to be the moderator here, but I needed to know that you told him the whole truth... so I asked... and you didn't. You left out a very key part of the story in what that note said."

"That's not important," your chest tightens making it harder to breathe, the room feeling smaller by the minute.

"You kept that note for a year." His voice rises, his arms flopping unceremoniously as he gestures vaguely. "I'd say that's a pretty big fucking deal. You let his words torture you, and you can't tell me that isn't an important part what happened."

"It doesn't matter..." Your gaze drops to the floor, arms crossing over your chest as you shake your head and try to focus on each breath. "I let that go, now can we please just not talk about it?"

Edward shifts at your side, one of his arms wrapping around your waist, his other hand tucking under your chin to coax you into meeting his eyes. His brows furrow, his hand gently sliding along your jaw to caress your face before he pulls you against his chest. "Maybe ve shouldn't press zhis, she isn't ready to talk about it."

"No," Zack shakes his head, "Ed, she needs to face what happened or she's gonna keep running towards death every time it presents itself."

"I zhink she has learned her lesson vizh zhat." He mutters softly, pressing a light kiss to your temple.

"What if she hasn't?" Zack pushes adamantly, gripping the edge of the dresser. "What if she goes on with this self-sacrifice bullshit and hurts herself again? If she really let it go, then why is it still so hard for her to say what happened?"

"I'm standing right here..." You glare at him from the protection of Edward's arms. "If you have something to say, just say it and be done."

He sighs and shakes his head, his eyes glistening slightly. "I just can't lose my best friend again, and I have this feeling in my gut that if we don't talk about this... then you're still gonna run out there with some point to prove, and then Ed and I will be right back where we were. Do you really want that to happen? Is that really more important than just hearing us out and dealing with the problem?"

Edward's silence seems to confirm his agreement, leaving you with a heavy pit in your stomach as you nod softly. "I'll try to listen."

"You can't just listen," Zack sighs, running a hand down over his face, "I haven't told Ed yet, I think you need to be the one to do that."

Your body stiffens again, but Edward rubs soothing circles at the small of your back, pressing another kiss to your temple and then your cheek. "I vould like to know, leibling, but if it is too painful..." He pulls back enough to meet your eyes, caressing your cheek tenderly, "I von't force you to share it vizh me."

"No," you shake your head, "I should've just told you last night... I'm sorry." You meet his eyes again, seeing them soften as he offers a small smile.

"I undershtand, liebling."

"The note," Zack interrupts, prompting you to quit stalling, "What all did the note say."

You shift away from Edward, leaning against the bedframe again to face Zack. Reluctantly, you meet his eyes and take a shaky breath, exhaling slowly to steady yourself. "The note that Henry left didn't just say 'We could've helped them'... It um..." You take another breath, dropping your gaze to the floor as Edward's hand lightly caresses your back. "It also said-" the words catch in your throat and you clench your eyes against the sting of building tears. With a sniffle, you press on, keeping your eyes shut and hoping to block out their presence, as if it would somehow make the sentence easier to say. "It said 'You let them die'."

"What else?" Zack presses, his voice causing you to flinch as you grip your arms tighter, clutching onto yourself. "What else did it say?"

"I don't zhink-"

"Let her finish." Zack cuts him off.

Edward's hand shifts, pulling you close to his side again, his actions offering you some comfort and reminding you that the present is what matters; he loves you, and the past is gone.

With another shaky breath, you manage to utter the last words. You had recited them to yourself countless times after the incident, burned them into your memory, but speaking them aloud... felt different... "You killed them."

Edward stiffens, his hand stopping as the words leave your lips. "Zhat is..." he struggles to find the words to say, looking to Zack and back to you, his brows knitted tightly together, "Zhat is horrible, liebling. I'm so sorry you had to carry zhat." His arm tightens around you, bringing you flush against him again as a single tear escapes to trail down your cheek.

The warmth of his hand coaxes your eyes open, his thumb gingerly wiping away the wet streak before glancing to Zack.

"I just want you to know," Zack speaks up, his voice softer than before as he shifts off the dresser to his feet, "even though I've said it countless times. No one ever blamed you for any of it, Henry just couldn't cope with the new world, and he wanted to blame someone else. No one ever thought it was fair what he did to you."

You nod softly, meeting his eyes to offer a meager smile, sniffling to hold back the tears until after he leaves.

Edward squeezes you tight, pressing countless kisses along your temple and cheek now that the two of you are alone. "I am so sorry zhat happened to you, liebling," he nuzzles his face along your neck, holding you close, "I vould never shay zhose zhings to you, I don't know how he could do zhat..."

"It's ok," you grip his shirt, the warmth of his breath against your skin soothing your fried nerves, "I know it wasn't my fault, I just didn't wanna ever let someone down like that again..." he pulls back to meet your eyes, both of his hands moving to caress your face, "But I know I should stop trying to make up for the past, and pay more attention to the present. I'm so lucky in so many ways," you lean your forehead against his, "I'm so lucky to have you, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you..."

"I undershtand vhy you did it, und vhy it vas so hard to talk about," his lips break into a grin as he nuzzles your nose playfully with his own before pressing a light kiss to your lips, "und I hope zhat you know just how much you mean to me, und how happy it makes me every time you shay zhat you feel zhe same."

"I love you," you run a hand up to tangle in the back of his hair, his smile broadening.

"Und I love you, liebling," he presses a light kiss to your lips, "being vizh you has changed my life more zhan I ever zhought possible."

"Ditto."

He chuckles against your lips, the feel of his smirk still evident even as he presses into the kiss, deepening with a slow trail of his tongue along yours.