Only Six

III

‼️‼️‼️‼️BIG WARNING‼️‼️‼️‼️

Fights are the absolute worst, especially when it's with one of your best friends.

I was in the middle of a nap on the couch while he and Jungkook played some sort of video game. Hoseok yelled loudly for some reason, I'm not sure why.

"Can you shut the fuck up." I growl annoyed at the loud noises coming from the two.

"Go to sleep somewhere else!" Hoseok snapped back at me. It surprised me but I didn't react. Jungkook definitely reacted though considering I heard a gasp coming from him.

"I was here first dumb ass." I snapped back. Not moving from my position.

We go back and forth gradually, getting more heated in the insults. But when Hoseok yelled one sentence, I lost it. "All you do is lie around and sleep! Your parents aren't even proud of you!"

I sit up and walk out of the room, trying to hold my tears in. "Yoongi hyung?" Jungkook asked in a worried tone. "Fuck off." I sob out rushing up the stairs the bathroom is closer than my bedroom so I go into the bathroom locking the door, and collapsing on the floor.

How could he say that? Tears roll down my face as I curl up on the floor. There is a knock on the door. I don't move to form the floor but flinch at the loud noise.

"Hyung, can I come in?" Jungkook asked quietly. I don't do anything except curl up tighter clutching my shirt. Trying to keep my bad thoughts out.

I had just had an attack which is why I was taking a nap around people. Normally I would just sleep in my room or in the genius lab. But after an attack especially a bad one I want to be around the people I care about. And they know that, or at least I thought I did.

I try and calm down miserably failing. The pain in my chest hurts so bad, I can't take it. I hate this feeling. I hate not being able to stop crying. I hate the feeling, the pain in my chest. It's like my heart is being crushed.

My head was already hurting from crying once today, now it's pounding against my skull. My stomach hurts from not eating in a few days despite Jin pestering me about it. I can feel my heart beat all throughout my body.

"Hyung come on, open the door. Let me help!" Jungkook is beating on the door making it shake. For being the youngest he's definitely the strongest.

"Go away" I cry weakly wishing he would stop, but at the same time wishing he would break down the door and hug me. Telling me everything is gonna be alright. That Hoseok didn't mean what he said, that he was sorry for letting it happen.

I feel so broken, so useless. Like it wouldn't matter if I was gone.

If I died.

I forced myself to stand up off the floor. Looking in to the mirror, arms propping myself up on the counter. My eyes red and puffy, my vision blurry from tears. My shirt wrinkled from how tight I was holding on to it.

God, I'm ugly. Hoseok is right, I am useless. My depression makes it hard for me to do anything, I'm always sleeping and my attacks happen at least 4 times a week. I'm sickly skinny because I never eat. On top of all of that, I'm the worst dancer out of all of us.

"Why am I so fucking useless!!!" I scream and punch the mirror shattering the glass making it fall over the counter and floor.

I look at my knuckles seeing them bloody and cut up, a few small peices of glass stuck in them. "YOONGI PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!!!!" Jungkook screams pounding on the door making it crack.

I look down at the shards of glass grabbing one holding it tight in my hand making it bleed. I watch as a steady stream of blood flows down my arm. My tears have stopped, head still pounding, chest still aching. "Why won't the pain stop!" I yell out holding the piece of glass to my stomach right in front of my solar plexus.

I just want it to stop. It will stop, right? Ya. They won't care anyway, I'm useless, not important, BTS would be better without me. I stab myself in the gut right as Jungkook succeeds in breaking down the door.

I fall to the floor face first only pushing the piece of glass further into me.

I feel myself being flipped over the last clear thing I hear before blacking out, is Jungkook screaming. "SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!!!!! It's ok Yoongi, your gonna alright. I'm gonna get you some help. CALL THE FUCKING POLICE!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!"