Spinning like a Top

20 3 0

by ifthisbetreason

by ifthisbetreason

I wear myself out with worry,

spinning out like a top.

I am in such a hurry

to be everything I'm not.

My visions getting blurry.

My heart's in purgatory--

torn, bouncing all around,

then sideways, upside down.

I wear myself out with worry,

trying to silence all the lies,

but all it does is feed them.

Watering with each tear I cry,

and I tell myself I need them--

the hesitation, pinprick of needles,

a hard shell none see past, like a beetle--

I don't know how to function

without panic at every junction.

I wear myself out only to wind myself up.

Take away this addictive cup.

I want off this merry-go-round,

but I'm drawn dumbly like a moth.

Turn the carnival music off.

Lower the triangle flags, stop the clown gags.

Collapse the tent. Yes, now! Take it down.

I'll lay flat on solid ground

for a few minutes, breathing out

all the tension and muted shouts.

I'm done being a wind-up toy in a show of my own making.

Tell the three-ring circus my hearts no longer for the taking.