Spiralling Thoughts of an Average Teenage Girl

Chapter 4

Mrs Holmes' class is slowly torturing me. OK, I may be overreacing and being a bit dramatic, I genuinely enjoy Mrs Holmes' classes and I think she's the perfect teacher. Her classes are dynamic, we do the typical things such as read and write, but my favourite part is that we also talk to each other, express our opinions and voice how we feel about the books we're reading. That is something so rare to me, very few classes keep me this entertained. Not to mention that she masters the art of being strict, nice and friendly at the same time. She's kind of my hero, she is always inspiring us to become a better version of ourselves, and I guess she has kind of become a friend of mine who I know I can trust.

All in all, I have a nice time. However, what's killing me is seeing Ian act as if nothing has happened and completely ignore the best-friend-needs-you glances I'm throwing at him. Instead, he's avoiding my eyes and talking to Heather. HEATHER. I may add that he does not like Heather at all, so if he's talking to her like that he must be making a great effort to ignore me.

Heather is nice and as long as she keeps her closed-minded opinions to herself she's quite likeable. Besides, I don't think there's such a thing as out-in-the-open bullying here. It's mostly because we're all faking to be friends when in reality we dislike each other, and also because as long as we don't mess with one another no drama needs to go down. Which is why Ian is talking to Heather as if they are long-lost friends who need to catch up when it's clear how uncomfortable both of them are. I shouldn't be complaining though, better to pretend everything it's OK than to uncover what we truly think of each other, right?! After all, that's what everyone does these days.

I will admit this method does spare me and my friends of some trouble, especially because we would defend each other to death. We're not exactly the picture-perfect group that fits in a mould, we're way too liberal and open-minded for people like Heather, her minions, Nial and Alec. It has caused some tension between both of our groups, and I've had had to defend Ian, Briz and Jaz before. I've even had to stand up for myself when we were little and my body hadn't grown up as fast as the other kids' had. But we are over that now, or at least I hope we are because I wouldn't hesitate to tell Alec to go fuck himself if he ever messes with my friends again. So, that's where we stand: a middle ground where we silently act as if we don't talk badly of each other behind our backs. A fucking blast!

I can no longer stand Ian smiling that fake smile so I walk towards them, hug Ian from behind and say.

"Hi baby, what are you two talking about?" Ian and I have always had fun pretending to be a couple to make people like Heather uncomfortable, but now Ian seems to be uncomfortable too. I move forwards over his shoulders to look at him in the eye and I immediately see that something's wrong with him. So I ask on top of Heather's giggling, "Are you OK?"

He looks at me and says "Actually, I was wondering if I could talk with you for a sec." We apologize to Heather and leave to sit on an empty table where there's no-one. Mrs Holmes finishes class 5 minutes earlier every day for us to have what she calls "mingling time" and talk to each other about the latest books we've been reading, so thankfully there's no problem with us talking.

"What's wrong? Spill the beans, Ian," I demand, starting to get worried about what's happening to him. I've never seen him so nervous.

"Well... hmm... remember that guy I was telling you about?"

"Of course, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm dying for you to tell me everything, and I must admit I can't wait to live off of your love life!" I tell him enthusiastically.

This makes him smile, slowly slipping away that worry that was coating his face. "Ohh" he sights "for a second I thought you would be mad or something." He tells me, with actual concern in his expression, and I can't believe him.