Spiralling Thoughts of an Average Teenage Girl

Chapter 7

I start the day off feeling like shit, yesterday was quite chaotic so I had a harsh time shutting my brain off last night. I couldn't stop thinking about Ian, Jaz acting weird, my sister, the cute girl from school, everything was just going in circles in my head and I felt as if I was falling into a downward spiral with nothing but darkness surrounding me.

Times like this remind me how easier my life would be if I could just not feel. Stop caring, stop worrying, stop thinking. Just, STOP. Unfortunately, we're constantly moving, ambitious creatures that are always looking forward; new projects, new objectives to achieve, new things in mind. So, as much as I try to stop, I can't, there's no way out of this spiral, I'm already falling and gravity is taking me down this path that I have no control over.

I miraculously manage to get ready for school, an oversized t-shirt with a cat on it paired with sweatpants and black vans to finish off the look. I step into the kitchen for breakfast, my mom's there and with just one look at me she can already tell I'm not feeling good, I don't know how she does it but I've learned not to question it.

She comes over, hugs me and whispers "Are you not feeling good?"

"No mom, just tired, long night" I hug her back, crouching down to hide my face in her neck. I'm much taller than her, I got my height from my dad, who is like 6 ft tall, so I always need crouch down to hug her. Though I pretty much need to crouch down to hug half of the people I know. Hugging makes me think about my friends and now, as much as I'd like not to, I'm craving to see them.

"You sure? Want me to call Claire? I know you have session on Thursday but I don't think she'll mind seeing you today" My mom is one of the most supportive mothers I know, and I'm not simply saying this because she's my mother, she truly is always there for us. She's one of the few people I'm not afraid to tell them I love them.

"There's no need, I'm sure, I'll just eat something and get going" I reassure her giving her a kiss on the cheek. It's not that I don't want to talk to Claire it's just that I want to see if I can deal with this on my own, after all, I won't have Claire next year and I know that seeing my friends will cheer me up.

We eat together and she tells me about her annoying co-worker who always blames her for his mistakes. I end up laughing with her when she tells me this one time he told their boss my mom had done a quotation wrong and, in the end, the quotation had his name on it so he was caught on the lie.

I brush my teeth, grab my keys, kiss my mom good-bye and get going. As I'm stepping into the car I get a call from my dad so I put him on speaker while I drive to Ian's house.

He greets me with his Argentinian accent, "Hello my beautiful girl, good morning!" It's incredible how I can literally see his smile, imagining his deep brown eyes, black hair with grey hairs, dimples, beard and wrinkles around his eyes. He's from Argentina and my mom is from here, so I was raised speaking English and Spanish and I master both languages, but my dad is stubborn enough that he wants me to speak to him only in English because he wants to be perfect at it.

So, I say, "Hi dad, good morning to you too, how are you doing?"

"Good good, I'm already here in the observatory, working. But I don't wanna talk about me, tell me how your first day of school went!" He asks this with such enthusiasm that I can't help but feel excited myself.

Now that I think about it, I actually did have a pretty good day yesterday, excepting a moment or two where things didn't go as planned, it was surprisingly good. Somehow, reminding myself of these good moments makes me realise that I yet again allowed my overanalyzing-self to spoil the good times. I sometimes focus so much on the negative aspects that they become all there is and I forget that because something goes wrong does not mean that everything is. I shouldn't allow myself to be dragged down by these negative feelings, it's something I've been working on for some time now, but I occasionally need to be reminded of it.