Spiralling Thoughts of an Average Teenage Girl

Chapter 6

As soon as we get home after dropping Olivia at her house, I hear shouting. I look towards Zoe and we exchange a look that says "we may hate each other but we're sticking together no matter what". 

The minute we step into the house the shouting stops, I wonder what it might be this time. Maybe it's the washing machine getting broken again, or the dishes being left unwashed, or my sister being a brat, or me being a selfish prick. I never know what to expect, but at the same time it doesn't surprise me anymore. When I was little, it affected me more, now I have grown to ignore it, to not care. Yell at me once and I'll cry, yell at me twice and I'll apologize. Yell at me every other day and the yelling won't be as loud as it first was, it'll become a buzz; constant and annoying, but bearable. 

They're in the kitchen, my mom seems defeated but the minute she sees us she smiles, Mark seems unbothered, as if nothing had happened. That's how things work here, everything is crumbling down but we act as if everything's just fine. Nevertheless, it's not always like this, there are good times, times when I forget about the yelling and the cursing and genuinely believe that we are a happy, loving family. The years have helped, Mark has been with us since forever, so I just got used to it. My parents divorced when we were little so it's not as if I was really affected by the divorce, or at least I don't think I was, and my sister was a baby so she doesn't even remember. 

"Hello, my beautiful girls," my mom says breezily. "How was your first day at school?"

"Uneventful," my sister answers sharply. She has more of a hot temper than I do, and she sometimes snaps at my mom with no apparent reason. Although it could be that Zoe indirectly blames my mom for not leaving Mark, for putting us in this situation and allowing herself to be treated this way. Scratch that, I think that might be me. 

Zoe's more touched by all this, especially considering that Mark has practically raised her. I was lucky enough to be relatively old by the time he appeared in our lives. On the other hand, Zoe sees him as more of a father figure and despite how fucked-up their relationship is, I think she truly loves him.

Unfortunately, he's such a useless piece of shit that he dares take it out on her, I wouldn't mind taking the emotional blows if it'd spare Zoe, but I think he notices that I don't give a fuck about anything he says so he prefers arguing with Zoe who will fight back. I have already given up, in my mind I'm in Australia, far away from all this. 

"You could answer your mother more respectfully, don't you think?" he bawls as if he didn't treat my mom like shit half of the time. 

"Zoe's just telling the truth," I say, trying to defend her without causing any trouble, "on other news, I had quite an amazing day, I missed my friends and the dynamic we have at school, so it was nice," I finish with a smile. 

I'm the peacemaker of the family, my indifference helps get myself detached from the situation and I'm always able to put on a smile when it's most needed. And I would do anything for my mom, so I try to seem as happy and strong as possible all the time, if not for myself then for her. I can already see her face relax, my smile taking away some of the burdens she carries.  

"That's fantastic Moonie, I'm so glad! I was hoping we could have a celebratory dinner tonight! The same year my baby girl is starting high school, my sweet Moon is finishing it. How quickly time passes by," she seems excited and considering that'll be leaving at the end of the year I should probably spend more time with my mom. After all, I'm not a heartless bitch -or at least I don't think I am?- and I'm going to miss her when I'm gone. 

"That sounds wonderful mom, I'll be home by six-thirty. I have dance class today and then I'm helping Francesca pick a dress for her homecoming dance"