Silence is Deafening

Chapter 17

I was different.

Ever since that night at the Burrow, I had felt a change in myself that even I couldn't explain. A certain hatred lived just below my skin, itching constantly to get out. I had seen Bellatrix in person for the first time in my life. I had fought her...barely.

She was no longer a nightmare. She was very real, and I despised her more than anything on the planet.

I had spent the better part of 2 days recovering from the painful episode I had experienced. My shock had worn off only a few hours after the incident. I was watching everyone use magic to rebuild the Burrow, and part of me decided that I needed to help. I was on my feet, wand in my hand, before anyone could tell me otherwise. No one made any comment on the matter. Once the Burrow was cleaned up and repaired, I fell into Ginny's bed and slept for almost 27 hours straight.

When I had awoken, Remus was gone. "The full moon...I hope you understand..." Tonks had told me, and I nodded patiently. I desperately wanted to see my godfather, speak to him. There were too many people at the Burrow, though. It was dangerous.

All too quickly, it was time to head back to Hogwarts. I had spent the day swallowing down nerves at the thought of seeing Draco for the first time...since everything. I hoped that I was not too different, enough so that he would still recognize me. Truthfully, I found it a bit difficult to recognize me. When I looked in the mirror, the detached and cold stare of a girl who had seen too much stared mercilessly back at me.

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Remus stood on the platform, hugging me goodbye. I squeezed him back, thankful to be able to tell him goodbye this time.

"Promise you'll write." I demanded, grabbing his arm tightly.

"I will. All the time." He promised, kissing my forehead. The platform was beginning to crowd up and the air filled with the sounds of farewells. This was my chance to catch Remus off guard.

"Remus, I want in." I said hastily, squeezing his arm even tighter. He looked down at me, a frown of confusion etched onto his permanently exhausted face.

"The Order. I want to be apart of it." I mouthed, keeping my voice as low as possible. Remus sighed with understanding, and looked around to make sure no one was listening.

"Lizzie, I know you want to help. And believe me, you are. But...not yet, darling. You have far too much to learn-" "Then teach me, Remus! I feel useless just going to Hogwarts and learning bloody cleaning spells." I said, anger in my voice. Remus grabbed my shoulders.

"Your parents would be so proud of the witch you are today. They would also want you safe. Though I hope the Order will have no purpose by then, you may join after you are done with school. Only then." Remus said, touching my chin. I stared at him defiantly, and he chuckled slightly.

"There's your mother." He said, and I couldn't fight the small smile that crept onto my face.

"Go back to Hogwarts. Enjoy your schooling! There is plenty of time to help later. I love you so very dearly, my Lizzie." Remus said, pulling me in for another hug. I hugged him back, finding it nearly impossible to stay angry with him. The loud whistle from the train beckoned students to it, and I let go of Remus far too quickly.

"Go on then." He said, pushing me toward the train. I ran to it, stopping just shy of the doors.

"I love you!" I called to him, watching his face break into a genuine smile. He mouthed the words back, raising his hand to wave at me.