Those Who Stare Into the Sun

Chapter Eleven: The croupier

Everything after that was surreal. The pathetic thing was that I couldn't stop thinking about the people back in Sweden who was going to see me in a Bond movie. It was one of those moments where the bullied girl got her revenge. Not that I ever got bullied, but I had lever been popular either. People had never really taken me seriously though. Especially not when I was a kid, talking about my dreams of becoming an actor. People obviously laughed, kids my age and adults. Anyway, I felt pretty foolish thinking those things now. But it just felt like my everlasting love for movies and tv-series no longer had been for nothing. Let's just say that those who had teased me for throwing my life away - watching all those films, knowing everything about those actors and directors, sitting up every year all night long watching the annual Oscars - was going to be surprised. But I wouldn't be able to truly enjoy that thought until the film actually premiered, at that was - atleast - a year away.

The completion of the films pre-production was announced. All the casting had been chosen out and the shooting schedule had been sent out to all involved. Everytime I recieved an email from the crew, I thought of that the exact same email had been sent to huge A-list actors. Bonnie and Skye had to put up with lots of different emotional outbreaks from my part.

"Well, who else is gonna be in it?" they asked, after I told them that Peter was then one who got me in.

"Guess!" I said, clapping my hands in excitement. "Okey, maybe you already know about Tom."

"Oh, fuck - I forgot about that! You're gonna play against Tom Hardy!" Skyler leaned back in the couch. "This is all so... surreal."

"I feel the exact same way" I told her.

They both crawled up to me. "Have we told you how happy we are about you walking into our lives?"

The crew sent out the whole list of the casting. I couldn't believe it. I obviously wasn't going to meet all of these people, because I would only be in one scene and it would probably - hopefully - be over quite quickly for me.

The casting would include actors like - other than Tom and Peter - Cilian Murphy (which was so funny, because my sister had a crush on him since forever), Jessica Fellony (who was this rising star and Hollywoods new obsession - she was absolutely stunning and would of course be the new Bond girl), Ralph Finnes (still as M) and Travis Fimmel. And these were only a few, because there was a lot of namnes on there that weren't familar to me. When I saw my name among them - a long way down on the list, but anyway - I nearly fainted.

~*~

I spent Christmas all on my own, but it actually wasn't that depressing. Bonnie didn't leave to be with her family until the afternoon on Christmas Eve, and Skye had already left the day before to be with her family in Scotland.

I didn't go to Sweden to be with my sister and her family, because I simply wasn't ready to return home. But I did break the big news to my sister. She of course didn't believe me. She thought that I'd just gone crazy in London, as she so nicely put it.

"Google it!" I told her, since my name was actually in the casting-list. After she had actually done that she wouldn't stop calling. She demanded me to fill in every single detail.

Around six p.m. on Christmas Eve I went out. I took a walk in Hyde Park, wearing a red Christmas dress and a warm fury coat to honor the day. I bought a chai latte and just walked around enjoying myself. The whole park was decorated with beautiful Christmas lights and the squirrels were jumping around like they knew what day it was. I finally felt the same way as when I had first arrived in London. Afterwards I went to Westminster and watched carol singers and people attending the christmas celebration inside Westminster Abbey. When I fell asleep that night I was so happy. Knowing that soon a huge dream of mine would come true.