Sociology? More like stuff-my-holeogy | Karl Marx x Talcott Parsons

Bruh moment

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Parsons snatched up the piece of paper with barely any words written on it lying in front of him, aggressively crumpling it up into a ball and tossing it into the bin next to the desk. This was his fifth attempt and starting his to be critically acclaimed manuscript, but the inspiration just wasn't flowing like it used to. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't put words on the page. The ideas floated around his mind like a fly repeatedly smashing itself into a window, the only issue was that he just couldn't communicate it. 'How does anyone do this', he thought to himself, leaning back in his chair and staring up at the intricately designed grooves in the ceiling.

Eventually, the stuffy atmosphere of his office along with the frustration from the lack of inspiration got too much for him. Slowly getting up from his seat, Parsons grabbed his jacket off the coat rack and headed outside for a walk to clear his head since this was the only advice given to him by shit show that is CAMHS.

The familiarity of his usual route around Colorado Springs soon calmed him down, the cool, fresh air filling his lungs. This area was well known for its gorgeous scenery and popular hiking trails. He thought himself lucky to have grown up in such a beautiful area and was proud to call it his home. Too bad the land was stolen and actually should belong to the Native Americans (oop controversial sorry capitalist twats). Despite enjoying his delightful walk around the city, there was still something in the back of his mind trying to claw it's way out into his thoughts, mostly just thoughts about how much he hated communism and the big fat buffoon that was Karl Marx.

Then he remembered the one thing that never failed to amuse him no matter how shit of a mood he was in. Turning back around, he headed off in the direction he just came in to make his way to his favourite place. Parson's excitement seemed to get the best of him, his little legs (couldn't find out how tall this geezer was so I'm just presuming he had little legs) speeding up as all those negative thoughts whirling around his head faded into the abyss of his 5 working brain cells. 'Hopefully I won't be too late and miss it!' Parsons thought to himself, 'gotta go fast, kachow'. 

Soon enough, he reached the thing that had won a special place in heart: the daily public hanging. He pushed and shoved his way through the crowd to get a place right front and centre. "Who is it today then Brian?" he asked the local butcher. 

"Some dirty bastard that's been knocking around with that bald nonce behind the bike sheds. Apparently someone caught him chatting up an 8 year old lass, then he told her to suck his bollocks, the filthy mug," Brian replied, "personally I wouldn't have it. If it were my daughter he was noncing on I'd tear off his head and piss in his pipes."

"Bloody hell... So I'm not late then?"

"Nah, they haven't even dragged him out yet. Was on my way to donate this pot of jizz but I thought this would be a much more satisfying place to throw away my little swimmers." Brian responded with a shit eating grin, his toothless smile sending shivers right through Parsons. 

15 minutes passed and still not guilty pedo had been presented to the gathering of eager faces. A chant had started to encourage the executioner to bring him out: "show us the nonce! Show us the nonce! Show us the nonce!" Not long after, Jeremy Kyle appeared in front of the crowd along with Graham and security Steve trailing at his heels. 

"Alright listen up you lot! I'm only gonna say this once, there will not be an execution today". The entire crown sighed in disappointment and started booing at Jezza. "The lie detector results came back and he got a full house so he has been released back into the streets. Feel free to pursue him however you please, we aren't legally responsible for anything that happens after he leaves."

A wave of misery washed over Parsons. This was supposed to be the best part of the day, and now everything had been ruined. The pressure and disappointment of today's events had really taken a toll on him, so he just went home to bust a nut.