Saving Grace

Chapter 15: Colt

I uttered the words that have haunted me for six years. Grace narrowed her eyes on me, looking both confused and conflicted.

"Colt...what do you mean? You couldn't save who?"

Catherine. My fiance.

A blonde-haired, green-eyed beauty flashed before me in a memory I loved to replay. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing every detail of her face to come into vision, including the tiny freckles that dotted her nose and cheekbones.

I cleared my throat, forcing myself to answer Grace's question before I backed out like the coward I was.

"We were high school sweethearts. Hell, everyone knew we would be married one day. We were almost never apart. If you were looking for one of us, you'd find both of us." I smiled, thinking back to the memories of Catherine and I hiding under the bleachers, or skipping classes just to be with each other.

"Her name was Catherine. I had a crush on her most of high school and finally got up the nerve to ask her out near the beginning of senior year." I smirked, thinking of how she teased me later on about taking so long to ask. "After graduation, she went off to college while I stayed working on the ranch. It was hard as fuck being away from her for so long. We tried to get together every weekend and always the holidays. I asked her to marry me when we were both twenty."

The memory of her saying yes to me simultaneously ripped my heart out and pieced it together. I couldn't help but smile, thinking of how nervous I had been that I dropped the ring before I even asked. She picked it up, and simply said 'yes.' It was the happiest moment of my life, but the fact that we never got to say "I do" still haunted me.

"It was spring break of her junior year, and I drove down to visit her. We were driving home that night after dinner, and arguing over something stupid. It was so insignificant, I don't even remember what it was about." I laughed dryly, thinking of how that insignificant thing became the most significant moment of my life.

Grace had been quietly listening with her eyes trained on me the entire time; she placed her hand on my arm, encouraging me to go on, just as I had with her. I winced, moving my leg more comfortably, and continued.

"We had been fighting a lot. But it was never actually about what we made it out to be. The distance was hard on us, and neither of us wanted to fully admit it." I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking back to that night; it replayed in my mind so vividly. "I was driving. It was late out. She insisted I pull over to cool off. If I had just listened..." I could hear the screams and see the headlights as if it were happening right in front of me again. My fingers gripped the sides of my forehead as I squeezed, desperately trying to block out the memory.

"A fucking car swerved into our lane. I didn't see it in time, because my focus was on her. The piece of shit was drunk. I somehow escaped with only a few cuts and bruises, but she--" The words caught in my throat as my emotions surged forward.

"My fucking life over in a split second, and it's all my damn fault! It should have been me Grace!" I put my hands to my face, my body shaking, and quietly sobbed. "It should have been me."

She pulled me into her and held me tight, not saying anything. I had not spoken about any of that in so damn long. It had been six years since she passed away, and I could still picture everything so clearly. My memories of her were constant, flowing from a floodgate I could not shut. I could still remember how she always smelt of lavender and honey, the sound of her laugh, the way she pulled her face forward when she was mad. And the one memory I desperately tried to shut out--the look on her face when she knew what was about to happen that fatal night.

"It's not your fault Colt. You can't blame yourself."

I moved out of her embrace and looked away, wiping my face with my arm, before looking back to her.