I Don't Know Anymore

Do you care?

I’m deciding whether to open my eyes or not. The sunlight is flooding the room and I sense somehow it’s way too early to wake up. Also, my head is killing me. Every time, I know all the alcohol will make me feel terrible, but I still pour it down my throat. I think for a moment, if I remember correctly I stayed in the band’s house and there’s someone lying next to me, sound asleep. Wait… that’s not someone, that is Mick! Mick fucking Fleetwood! Oh god…

I nudge him. Nothing. I do it again, still no reaction. “Mick!”

“What, what is it?” He mumbles, draping his arm around me.

“What time is it?” My voice is horribly hoarse.

“Who cares?”

“I do, gee! The guys might be here already and we’re in your bed together.”

He exhales deeply and checks his wristwatch. “Relax, Stevie, it’s not even 7am yet.”

Oh wow, three hours of sleep! I'm going to look like hell, but that does calm me down a little, but not really. “Mick, you seriously don’t have any problem with the fact you and I slept together? I ache all over!”

He rolls onto his back and lifts himself up on his elbows. “Do you care?”

“Well…” I sit up and cover myself with the thin bed sheet. “It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it, just… isn’t this wrong? There's your wife and...”

“Stevie, you’re trying to make it wrong.”

“But…”

 Mick lies down again and strokes my thigh underneath the covers. “It's cool.”

I doubt it is. It doesn't matter that Lindsey and I are no longer a couple, and I shouldn't be bothered with what he would think about this, but I am. He and Mick are friends and I don’t think he would feel too good about me and Mick sneaking around. This would hurt him badly.

“Stevie, you’re worrying again.”

“Since when can you read me so damn well?”

“Come.” He opens his arm for me to snuggle by his side and that’s what I do. I don’t understand it yet or at all, but something about Mick comforts me so much.

~

I walk down the stairs as Christine is entering the house through the front door. “Morning, love!”

“Hey, Chris.” We exchange kisses, I try to avoid looking at her, she knows me too well.

“You’re very early today.” That almost sounded like a question.

“Um, yeah… I… I can’t make anything up, just that I’m here.” I offer a small smile and a shrug of my shoulders.

“That’s good, we won’t have to wait too long for you.”

Christine follows me to the kitchen and sits down at the breakfast bar. “You want anything to eat? I’m starving.”

“You left your place without breakfast?”

“I… yeah.” I hate lying to one of my best friends, but I’m not going to tell her the truth either.

“No, I don’t want anything, Stevie.” I go on to making myself something of what I could find in the fridge. “How are you feeling today? You had a lot to drink last night!”

“My head’s pounding a little, but I’m alright. You?”

“Lucky! I barely got out of bed. I seriously considered not going out.”

“Poor you.” I smile sympathetically at Chris, then crack two eggs in to the pan.

As we continue to chat at the breakfast bar, the door opens again and Lindsey and John come in. “Morning, ladies.” John greets me and Christine, while Lindsey settles for a less cheerful hello. “Where’s the lanky fella?”

“Mick’s still in his bed.” I want to cover my mouth, but I’m already giving it away.

“How would you know that?” Lindsey raises his eyebrow, the bastard must be loving this.

“I searched for him when I first arrived and he was sleeping.”

“Sure you did, Stevie. Sure you did...”

“What are you saying here, Buckingham?” I appreciate Christine always standing up for me.

“Nothing at all.” He shakes his head and leaves the kitchen.

As if on cue, Mick comes downstairs. “Morning, guys.”

“Morning to you too. Since when are you such a heavy sleeper? Someone kept you up all night?” John laughs.

“Stop it, Johnny. He’s got a wife!”

“Yeah…” Mick laughs awkwardly, scratching the back of his head as our eyes lock. “Where’s Buck?”

“He was here a minute ago, maybe went down to the studio.”

“Oh. Well, I’m gonna have a quick shower and we can start working on something.” Mick leaves and so does John. I want to take my dirty plate to the sink, but Christine stops me.

“What the hell, Stevie?!”

“What do you mean, Chris?”

“Knock it off, I’m not as naïve as those two! You slept with Mick, didn’t you?”

I get back up on the high stool. What’s the point in lying? Besides, I know Chris would never tell anyone. “Yes.”

“Yes? Just like that, so easily?”

“Christine, what do you want me to say? Oh god, I feel so horrible, I can’t live with myself, the guilt is eating me up! No.” I say firmly. “We were drunk and high and the only two left here, so guess what? Mick’s having problems with his wife, I’m lonely and still getting over Don, or whoever was the last man I've been with!”

“Don’t you think it’s at all wrong?” Christine’s manner changes, she’s calmer, hopefully seeing my point, as insane as it might be.

“Of course, Chris, it’s fucked up.”

“How was it? I mean… just a quick shag or…?”

“You might not want to sit on the couch in the living room…” Disgust is written all over her face and I can’t help but laugh. “You know, I was actually surprised. Like… he cared for me. We got dressed up after and then I was about to leave and we started at it again and ended up in Mick’s bedroom. I woke up with him this morning.”

“Note to self, not leave the two of you alone ever again.”

“Don’t worry, I doubt this will ever happen again.” I say, feeling a bit sad.

“Why do you say so?”

“Just… it would make things all that more complicated.”

“Stevie, do you have some sort of feelings for Mick?”

“I don’t know…” I whisper and get off the stool, to avoid the rest of the conversation. “We need to get down to work, Chris.”