I Don't Know Anymore

What do you say?

I don't think anyone was shocked to find out Lindsey dumped Carol Ann. If anything, people are relieved not seeing her around, I know I certainly am. As expected, everyone started whispering that Lindsey and I got back together. We haven't given an answer, but why should we? They can keep guessing if they're that interested. But then there's nothing much to tell. Yes, we've gotten closer, a lot closer again, but he's not my boyfriend and I'm not his girlfriend. We're taking it easy, we don't want to force anything to happen. If it's meant to be, we'll get there.

The rumour didn't skip Mick. Last night, before I went home, he said he would like to talk to me and I told him I'm free today, so when people left, I stayed with him, wondering what was that he wanted to tell me. He wasn't playing around, he was acting very cold towards me, like we hadn't just spent four months as a couple. I listened to all he had to say to me, I nodded and said I understand. I didn't break down in tears until I was out of his sight.

Here I am now, standing in front of the front door to Lindsey's house. It's raining heavily. I ring the bell a few more times and turn around to leave, when Lindsey decides to let me in. 

"Stevie?"

"Is this a bad time?"

"What, no!" He lets me come in. "What the hell happened to you? You're completely drenched!"

"Well, it's raining..."

"I know that, but why didn't you call me, did you walk here or..." I nod and he doesn't continue. “Go to the living room, I’ll bring you something to wear while your clothes dry out.”

“It’s okay, they can get dry like this.”

“Right, on you. And you’ll get sick. You should be more worried since you’re a singer.” I almost begin to cry again. Lindsey returns shortly giving me a look. "You're still dressed." He tosses one of his t-shirts at me. "What?"

"Are you going to stand there and stare?"

"Why, you'd like me to come over and touch you?"

I drop the shirt on the couch and start taking my clothes off. "Wait, I forgot to bring you a towel."

"No, it's okay, Linds."

"Let me take care of you, please? Even if it means getting you dry." He smiles and leaves again. 

I feel his eyes on me, while I'm using the towel, I am after all naked. I hold it around my chest and reach for the shirt. I let the towel fall to the floor, then pull Lindsey's shirt over my head, it stops above my knees. It's smells like him. I'm going to steal this from him.

He takes a seat and I do too, scooting closer over to him. His own t-shirt is getting damp from my hair, but he doesn't seem to mind. I don't start talking before he asks me anything, I need this quiet moment enveloped by him. Though it doesn't last long.

"You were crying." It's not a question. "What happened? And did you really walked here?"

"I did."

"From where?"

"Band's house."

"At least it's not too far. You might have had a lovely walk if it weren't raining like this."

"Yeah, I doubt it..."

"Again, what happened?"

"Mick asked me to stay with him when all of you left."

"I hope he didn't pull anything." His arm tightens around me.

"He said he wanted to talk to me."

"And did he?"

"Yes." I lie my head on Lindsey's chest, putting my arm around his middle. 

"Stevie, I feel this is hard for you to be talking about it, but can you just tell me? I have to ask for every word from you."

"I wish I could." My eyes glaze with tears and I take a few deep breaths. "He... Mick told me to leave."

"Leave? What do you mean, he told you to leave?"

"He fired me from Fleetwood Mac."

"He did fucking what?!"

"Mick said it's very uncomfortable for him, that he doesn't want to do this, but he has no other choice."

"He should have thought about it before fucking you!" He touches his forehead to mine then presses a kiss there. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well... What can you do."

"Stevie, this is unacceptable! What, he had some fun with you, he met someone else and now it's hard for him to be working with you and he has to fire you? You and I broke up, Christine and John did too, but we all stayed."

"It's his band, Lindsey. He wants me gone, which means I can't do shit about it."

"I guess, Mick is forgetting something."

"What would that be?"

"I told him, we're a package deal."

I pull away from him and sit up, my finger pointing at him. "Don't you fucking dare, Lindsey Buckingham."

"You can't stop me."

"Lindsey, what package deal are you even talking about? Yes, we came in together, but we're just two people now. If I have to go, it doesn't mean you have to as well."

"Yes, it does. I'm not staying in the band if you're not in it."

I close my eyes, mentally counting to ten. "You don't have to do that. You don't owe me anything. We're not a couple like we were when he asked you to join Fleetwood Mac."

"Be my girlfriend then. I want you to be with me."

"You've lost your fucking mind."

"No, Stevie. I love you, nothing and nobody can break us apart."

I straddle his waist, not necessarily to get sexual. "You're actually considering this?"

"I'm not." 

"Lindsey, then what are you..."

"There's nothing for me to consider." He cuts me off and I'm slightly confused. "Where you go, I go. If it means out the door from Fleetwood Mac... Then so be it."

I lean forward and kiss him, getting instant response, but I break the kiss, biting my lip. "And what about the other part?"

"Could you remind me about it?" A wide smile breaks across his face, his hands caressing my thighs.

"I believe you asked me to be your girlfriend?"

"And what do you say to that?"

"I think you should be doing less talking and more of taking me upstairs." 

"I wouldn't say no to that, would I." He kisses my lips softly, then actually lifts me up and carries me to his bedroom.