Hey guys! I'm writing on my Chromebook so correct capitalization will be featured in this chapter! I am also sorry about how inactive I've been. My sophomore year of high school just started a little over a month ago and I'm extremely stressed out, but today I figured I would give you guys a treat and type along while I watch the marathons and do my work. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)
Episode 1: The Axeman
-"Shane, you shouldn't love this case as much as you do man"
-"THEY [serial killer baseball cards] EXIST I GOOGLED IT"
-"They have emotional attachments with their axes so they can't get rid of them"
-*When hearing the woman was almost decapitated* "Tough break bro"
-"He was just tryna deliver his muffins or some shit and BAM mutilated bodies"
-"Axeman? More like X Men...get it?"
-Making dumbass X Men jokes the entire time
-*After hearing about the woman giving birth to a baby during the attack* "I believe in female supremacy and I stand by that."
-"What did the elderly do to you, Shane?"
-"Wha-oh?? (wheeze)"
-"'Esteemed mortal?' Pack it up demon complex"
-"I live for your accents, Shane. Thanks for the serotonin."
-"The win-loss ratio doesn't look good here"
-Making demon jokes because this bitch thinks he's some sort of demon
-"Just imagine a family gathered around the record player or something while whispering 'we are jazzing it we will be okay' (wheeze)"
-"I once scraped my skin straight off of my knees when I was a kid because of the asphalt"
-"RAZOR BOY HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE"
-"OH so we are blaming the mafia now? What a plot twist"
-"Once again; FEMALE SUPREMACY"
-*Finding out all of the victims were Italian grocers* "He's Italian-ist and grocer-ist!"
-Eating some saltines during the ending dialogue because I'm a hungry human being
Episode 2: Boy In The Box
-"His box wasn't as cool as it sounded"
-"Shane you ALWAYS make conclusions like this"
-"Who's John Travolta?"
-Questioning Shane's movie references and Shane questioning mine
-"This young man is being uh kinda sus"
-Wheezing over Ryan's jokes about Shane's head
-"JCPenny? Hmm, always thought JCPenny was spooky."
-"Chill out blanket boy (wheeze)"
-"OOOOOOOH PLOT TWIST"
-"He said 'Okay son, you are going to go with the nice man while daddy goes and gets absolutely SMASHED'"
-"My short attention span could never work on the same case for 36 years"
-"I- What the hell is this? I would also like a visual of this shit."
-"Anytime you have to use the word 'technically', you're already in trouble"-Klaus Hargreeves from 'The Umbrella Academy'
-"He's having a nice little time on the ride...oh wait he's having a bit too much of a good time."
YOU ARE READING
if i was in buzzfeed unsolved {platonic}
Fanfiction(cover is me as a hotdog but that doesn't matter) my name is morgan and i think i'd be funny in buzzfeed unsolved so let's do this shit published on: july 03, 2019 @ 1:00am finished on:
