𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 || 𝐌.𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮

Realisation||22

Atsumu P.O.V

Clenching my teeth as I gritted them 'gainst each other. I licked my lips then chewed them hard. The indescribable anger was bottled up in chest. I know the reason why I'm like this but my ego doesn't want me to admit it. I heaved my breath, wiping down the beads of sweat that formed on my forehead. I glared at the people on the other side of the net, causing them to shiver.

We had a practice match against a powerhouse here in Hyōgo.

"Tsumu ya alright?" Samu asks me as he slapped my back harder than it should be.

I gave him the look 'I'm fine.'

"Ya 'ave been glarin' at 'em for so long. Ya crushin' on of one their teammates?" He asks while he gave me his look that said 'You are lying."

I sighed knowing I had to answer.

"Oikawa and Y/n." Was all I said and he understood me perfectly. He sighed as well knowing I fucked up well. It was my fault.

I believed 'chika too fast. I fell out of love slowly I didn't even notice the pain she bore. She must've felt the same thing but much more worse. Having to see the one you love look at someone so lovingly. Having to call out their name sweetly. She felt worse, for she was still with me thinking I loved her the same way I did as we first started dating.

"Yer loss." His words stabbed me in the chest. He jus' rubbed salt on the wound. He's not wrong, isn't he? My loss...

I only realised how much I needed her when she was out of reach. I never should have let you go so easily. She gave me her heart so easily yet I threw it away like it was nothing. I threw her heart away as if it wasn't a piece of a fragile glass. It breaks me even more when I recall the memories we made.

Please tell me she kept the scarf I gave her...please.

I swallowed the invisible lump that sat on my throat. I headed my way through the bench as the practice match already had finished. Y/n was happy... I should be happy for her then. Ayumi threw me my water bottle, I was slightly disappointed when Y/n wasn't the one who did it.

"Disappointed Tsumu?" Ayumi asks an oblivious question that had a clear answer.

Ayumi headed to me and said, "Its painful, isn't it?" My eyes widened she knew what I felt reading through me like an open book.

"I've tried to read Y/n so many times, she was the only one I couldn't read. You're easy to read compared to Y/n." Ayumi tapped my shoulders. "I know Atsumu, I know what your feeling." She walked away. My actions were oblivious and I knew that. Ayumi knew from the very moment she met me I still love Y/n. That was why she cheered me on by saying I can still have Y/n even though I was with someone. She knew that I didn't truly love the girl I told myself I love.

I hated it. I hate it. I hate ignoring my feelings. I hate my stupid pride. I want to touch Y/n's hands like we used to. I want to kiss her rosy plump lips. I want to caress her hair. I want to be with her. I'm selfish and I know that.

As much as I want to do all these things with her, I'm so fucking scared. If our friendship is the only thing we have left then I'll leave it that way; even if it means for me to get hurt.

My biggest lost just like Samu said. I lost the one who understood me the most. I lost the one who looked at me like I was their whole world. I lost the one who cared for me. I lost the one who truly loved me.

I bit my bottom lip making it bleed. I headed to the changing room where everyone was.

Those months we spent together. They were the memories I cherished the most. I wish to make more memories with her.

I gulped down the saliva that formed in the back of my mouth. I held my tears back.

A memory flash into me where Y/n held the bouquet of red roses with her red ball gown. When she stepped out of the car the moonlight hit her face making her look like a goddess.

I banged my head on the blue locker with volleyball posters on it. I clenched my fists.

"I'll be always there Atsumu. To be the shoulder you lean on." Her words rang through my head. They were the words I only needed.

I began sobbing. I choked on my tears as I tried to hold them back.

"I will be there Y/n, a shoulder to lean on." I told you the words I always wanted to hear when I confessed. I couldn't the promise I made, I'm sorry Y/n. I'm sorry for not keeping a promise.

Everyone on the locker room watched me sob. I saw a glimpse of Suna's shocked face. He didn't record my crying face.

"After we change give Atsumu some space." Kita ordered everyone on the room.

No one uttered a single word. Not even Samu whining about how hungry he was. My sobs were heard at the square like room that had dim lights. Our breathings were synchronised.

Everyone left after they changed. The metal door squeaked, I heard someone's footsteps go near me. I didn't bother to look up as I just covered my face with my cold palms.

The person sat next to me. A soft delicate hand touched my head the person made me lean my head to their shoulder.  I therefore realised it was Y/n's warm hands that touched me.

"Like I said before, I'll be always there Atsumu. To be the shoulder you lean on" She caressed my head. "-as friends." It was enough. Her comfort was enough. Her presence was enough. Just please don't stray any further more.