I won't drag you down with me

1. A lifeless body

1 month later

... two, three, four, five, six, seven...

I shook my head.

Afresh.

One, two, three, four, fiv-

Damn it, I muttered underneath my breath. Biting my tongue, I moved out of the way a strand of hair that had fallen in front of my eyes with the back of my hand.

Afresh, my mind whispered.

Sighing tiredly, I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

One, two, three, four, fiv-

I sank my nails into the flesh of my palm, feeling the need to crawl onto the pavement, get in my bed, and hide under my blanket.

A-fresh, the same voice whispered again.

Frustrated, I grabbed my rag again. I ragingly clenched the wet cloth with my wobbly fingers.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nin-

"Hey, Ree. Noah wanted to know if you were still up f-"

"Goddammit, Sarah!", I yelled with very little grace, abruptly opening my eyes again. I felt my heart heavy in my chest as soon as I turned to the door. "I told you not to waltz in here while I'm in the middle of something!"

My roommate boggled, widening her eyes open. She looked at me like I was some sort of nutty bitch straight from hell.

Tilting her head aside, she peered over the desk to look at me. "What are you doing down there?", she asked, looking inquisitive.

I quickly got up from the floor and wiped the dust off my oversize jeans, acting casually. "Nothin'. Just going through some of my stuff in the drawer", I replied, shrugging.

It was obvious she wasn't buying any of it. "With a rag, huh?", she stated the obvious, crossing her arms over her chest. She oozed judgment and inquisitiveness, and I hated being looked into.

I rolled my eyes, throwing my hands in the air. "Fine, I spilled some water on the floor. No big deal, alright?". I was starting to get defensive. And really, really anxious.

Sarah eyed me up with the you-think-I'm-an-idiot kind of look. I turned my back to her, refusing to get all sorry for being a freaking mess. No surprise on that, really. I picked up my rag from the now dry floor and carefully placed it on my desk.

"Anyways, Noah wants to know if you're still up for that thing we talked about yesterday at lunch". My roommate tossed herself onto her bed, puffing on her hair to have it out of the way.

"Right. What was it?", I asked her, putting my desk in order. I grabbed a pen and used it to toss the dirty rag in the trashcan by my desk.

I heard her snort, and when I turned around again she looked me dead in the eyes. "The thing we were supposed to do tonight, remember?", she remarked.

"Oh, yeah. That thing", I said, neutral. She nodded dramatically, her eyes large.

I had never forgotten about it. I just... didn't really feel like going. But I didn't want to disappoint her, or Noah. I hated feeling like the group's quitter. "Yeah, actually you know what, I'm not really feeling it. You guys go, I'm just gonna hang around"

"The hell you are, girl!", Sarah shouted out, suddenly sitting up. "We've been talking about this for weeks!"

I bit on my bottom lip, cloaking my nervousness at the thought of it. "I know. I'm just not feeling too well. I'll be coming for sure next time. Promise"