Be My Escape

Sing Me to Sleep

June 2000

Kaelyn's Perspective

It was the end of June and I was bored. Summer had just started and already, I couldn't wait to get back to school to have something to do, even if it meant I'd be starting middle school. Don't get me wrong, I was excited, but also scared. Alex told me it was no big deal, but he'd just finished sixth grade himself, so it was easy for him to say.

I was sitting in the living room, flipping channels on the TV. My mom was on the phone with Alex's mom, Isobel. I was just thinking about going over to ask Alex to hang out, so I turned off the TV, getting up and going to the kitchen to talk to my mom.

I froze when I saw her lips pursed together and her chin trembling. Her eyes were shiny with tears.

"I'm so, so sorry, Bel. Tell Alex and Peter I'm sorry as well." Her voice was shaking. "Yes, I'll talk to Kae and let her know...again, I'm so sorry. Let us know if there's anything we can do...no problem, Bel. We love you guys....okay, bye now." She hung up.

Before I could scurry into another room and pretend like I hadn't been eavesdropping, she turned to me. "Kaelyn, sit down."

We sat together at the kitchen table. "What's wrong? What did Isobel say?" I asked.

My mom took a deep, shaky breath. "Sweetheart, Alex's brother, Tom passed away."

My stomach lurched. "What?"

She put her hand over mine. "He--he was sick. His body just...gave out."

"But--but he was just here and he was okay," I whispered.

"I know, honey."

Alex's brother, Tom, was twenty-one, which automatically made him cool, since Alex and I were eleven and twelve respectively. For awhile, he had lived with Alex's parents, until he'd had a fight with them and left to go back to England. Alex didn't know what the fight had been about, and he'd been mad at his parents for awhile because he thought they'd sent Tom away. Alex had written letters back and forth with Tom, but due to how much postage cost and how long it took for letters to make their way to England and back, he didn't hear from Tom very often. And now he never would again.

"Why don't you go over there and see if Alex wouldn't like to see a friendly face?" My mom suggested.

"Really? You don't think I'd be bothering them?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I think it's fine."

I walked next door and knocked on the door. Isobel answered, her eyes red and her face tear-stained. "Hello, dear," she said.

"Hi, Isobel. Can I--is Alex..."

"Yes, he's in his room. You can head on up there," she said.

I saw Peter sitting at the kitchen table, his face in his hands. I'd never seen so many grown ups so sad. It freaked me out. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what would help. I did, however, feel confident in my ability to cheer Alex up, so I headed up to his room. His door was closed, so I knocked.

"Go away!" He called, his voice strained.

"Gaskarth, it's me, open up," I said.

I heard some shuffling from behind the door and he opened the door a crack, peeking his head out. His dirty blonde hair was standing up in all directions and his brown eyes were bloodshot. "Go home, Kaelyn."

"But I thought maybe we could do something to get your mind off of--" I started, but he cut in.

"I said go home! No matter what we do, it's not gonna bring him back, so everything's pointless!" He snapped.

His words caused something to flare inside my chest. The whole time we'd been friends, he'd never treated me like I was less for being younger, and maybe that's not what he was doing now, but it sure felt like that. I didn't like being told to just go home, like I was Roger, the annoying neighbor on Sister, Sister, a show that Alex and I liked to watch sometimes.

I shoved Alex, since he was still glaring at me from behind the door, and pushed my way into his room. He gaped at me as I pushed him onto the bed.

"Ya know what, Alex? I don't care that Tom died--"

"What the hell?" He snapped.

"Don't interrupt me. There's no reason for you to act like a jerk when I came over here to make sure you were okay," I said.

"Do I look okay to you?" He snapped.

"No, but that's why I'm here. Now, let's go ride bikes or something," I said.

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth.

I went home to grab my bike and we met in front of Alex's house. We walked our bikes to this trail that we liked to ride on sometimes. Alex got there first since he was taller and he hopped on his bike, speeding off without me.

"Alex, wait!" I called.

"If you wanna ride bikes so bad, then keep up!" He called over his shoulder.

I hopped on my bike and sped off after him, but no matter how fast I pedaled, he seemed to get farther and farther ahead of me. "Alex, not so fast! I can't keep up!" I called, but he either didn't hear me or was choosing to ignore me.

"SHIT!" I heard him yell. I couldn't hear the clicking of his bike chains ahead of me.

"Alex!" I yelled. I threw my own bike and ran after him.

I found him up ahead. He was lying on the ground, his knees tucked up to his chest and he was crying, hard. I had only ever seen him cry once or twice. He wasn't a "tough guy" but he preferred to laugh and joke his way through anything painful or upsetting. I also noticed his right knee was scraped up and bleeding, but that didn't seem to bother him.

I knelt down next to him, pulling him into a sitting position.

"You're bleeding. We should get back home," I whispered.

He shook his head. I put an arm around him and he put his head on my shoulder. He was still crying and I rubbed his back.

"We could've had a happy ending if he'd come back, but what's left of that now?" He asked rhetorically.

"I know," I whispered.

"I'm sorry I was mean to you. I'm just so mad at him, but that felt wrong, so I lashed out at you instead, but that feels wrong too, and I--" he rambled.

"Shhh," I whispered, cutting off his tirade. "I understand."

We just sat there in the woods for awhile, just holding onto each other, as Alex's world changed forever.