Be My Escape

What a Perfect Mess

Present Day

Kaelyn's Perspective

Alex drove for awhile then didn't feel like it anymore, and all of us felt exhausted, so since we had an extra day to kill, we decided to get a hotel for the night. Thankfully, there was a Holiday Inn nearby, so we went there. Since it was last minute, the room options were limited. We weren't all together, and the bed situations were...interesting.

"Nose Goes for sharing a room with Alex!" Jack said when Flyzik came back to us with the room arrangements. Apparently they were all as pissed off at Alex as I was. Everyone quickly put their finger to their nose.

"Haha, Kaelyn, you were last!" Jack said.

I groaned, but said nothing, hiking my duffel bag further up onto my shoulder. I was too tired to argue, and sick of doing battle with Alex. Speaking of which, the moody vocalist was staring down at his Nike Dunks. Ever since he'd pulled the van over, he'd seemed to have lost all his bravado, deflating like a balloon and goddammit, I was starting to feel bad for him. I'd wait to see how tonight played out.

We took the elevator up, each of us going off in different directions to our assigned rooms. Flyzik, Jack, Zack, and Rian all shared quiet conversation, but Alex and I were both silent on the way up and he didn't say anything to me when we split off to go to our room. He wordlessly slid the key card in the door and then swung his arm gently, to indicate that I should go first. He set his stuff down in one corner of the room.

"Which side do you want?" He asked.

"Huh?" I asked absent-mindedly.

He cleared his throat. "The bed. Which side do you want? It's pretty big so I'll try to stay on my side so I don't bother you."

Okay, that hurt. "Alex..."

"No, it's okay," he said, still talking to his feet. "I fucked up and I'm sorry. I fucked up with you and Lis and—"

"Alex!" I said firmly.

He finally looked up and peeked at me hopefully through his hair, which was too long and constantly in his face. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. You're right, it's technically not my business what you do with Lisa," I said.

He shrugged. "S'okay. I'm sorry for yelling at you, you don't deserve it."

"C'mere," I said, holding out my arms.

He slunk across the room towards me, as if he were afraid I was going to hit him. We folded into each other's arms and I breathed in his comforting scent. I don't know how he smelled so good after days of touring and limited shower access, but it immediately made me feel at ease. I wordlessly pulled him to the bed and pulled his head into my lap, raking my fingers through his hair.

"Wanna talk about what happened with Lis?" I asked.

"Maybe, but..."

"But what?" I asked.

He peeked up at me. "Promise you won't tell her anything?"

"Promise," I said reluctantly. I prayed he wasn't about to tell me he'd cheated or something.

"Kay." He sighed. "It's just...I feel...bad I guess."

"About what?" I asked.

He threw his hands up in frustration, but there was little energy behind the gesture. "Everything. How I've been treating you, how I've been stringing Lis along, how it's my first Warped Tour and I can't even really enjoy it 'cause I can't get out of my own fucking head."

"Is that why you broke up with her?" I asked.

He pursed his lips together and nodded. "Uh huh. It's just...I realized my feelings for her aren't really...how they should be. I mean, I like her and I love her as a person, and on paper, she'd be perfect for me."

"But..."

He sighed. "But I just...I don't feel like it's right for me right now."

"Why not?" I asked.

"I can't tell you," he said.

I honestly hadn't expected him to clam up so suddenly. "But we tell each other everything. Isn't that what you've always said?"

He rolled over, propping himself up on one elbow. "Yeah, it is. But it's not the right time, okay?"

I nodded. "When it is the right time, you'll tell me, right?"

He nodded and smiled. He took one of my hands and started playing with my fingers idly. "So...what happens now?" He asked.

I yawned. "Right now, I think we should get some sleep so we can do something fun tomorrow."

"Good idea. And Kae?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for not quitting on me," he said.

I smiled and hugged him. "You're welcome."