Be My Escape

Learning to Breathe

October 2005

Alex's Perspective

We were in the ER, waiting in the waiting room while Kaelyn got looked at. She wasn't completely sure what those dickheads had done to her, so she was getting everything checked out to make sure she was okay. Until they started taking her around to x-rays and MRI's and whatnot, I had been waiting in her room with her. The ER staff hadn't wanted me to since I wasn't family, but once Kaelyn had begged for me to stay and had assured them that I had nothing to do with what had happened to her, they let me wait with her.

Now her parents, my parents, Jack, Zack, Rian, Lisa, and Kara were all here. We'd been sitting for a bit, when Lisa put her hand on my arm.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

I nodded and cleared my throat. "Sure."

We got up and the guys raised their eyebrows at me. I just shrugged and followed Lisa down the hall.

"I know you blame yourself for this," she said.

"Well, yeah. I should've stopped it," I said.

"I feel the same way. I mean, I covered for her so many times, I let her give up on volleyball. I feel like it was my fault too," she said.

I pulled her into a hug, tucking my chin against the top of her head. "I know."

She pulled back from me. "I know you like her."

"I...no I don't," I said, but my mouth had gone dry and the words felt like rocks in my throat.

"You can deny it all you want, and Kaelyn might not see it, but I do. So do the guys. You haven't been great at hiding it and I know you at least told Jack," she said.

I put my face in my hands. "I just...I just don't know what to do. I'm so afraid of losing her."

She put an arm around me and rubbed my back. "I know. You don't have to figure that out tonight, and you should definitely wait until Kae gets through all of this, but don't wait too long."

I nodded, feeling numb. "We should get back."

She nodded and we went back to the waiting area. I refused to look at the other guys because I couldn't get into what Lis and I had talked about.

--

Zack's Perspective

I was sick with worry about Kae. Over the last few months, I'd developed a bit of a crush on her. It felt wrong. She was with Brandon, and Alex also had feelings for her. He'd told me all about it once when we were at a party and he was drunk. Somehow, he remembered what he'd said the next morning and had asked me not to say anything.

I could never tell Kaelyn's feelings for Alex. When we'd first gotten the band together, I thought maybe she felt that way about him, but then she set him up with Lisa. Still, they were always clinging to each other. They looked at each other like they were the only two people in the room. And God, they fought like an old married couple.

When Kaelyn got serious with Brandon, she started making excuses not to hang around anymore. We could tell that it hurt Alex, but he'd tried and failed to get through to her.

I just hoped it wasn't too late for me to have a chance with Kaelyn. As fucked up as it was for me to think about at a time like this, I couldn't help it.

I know it probably looked bad when I hung back while the other guys took care of her, but I couldn't get up close to her. I couldn't bear to see her like that, and I was terrified that I might scare her.