Be My Escape

Suspicions

August 2005

Brandon and I had been dating for two months. His anger towards me had been getting worse, but every time, he'd apologize and he'd often break down in tears and I'd have no choice but to comfort him. He was also still monopolizing my time, especially my time with Alex and the guys.

But tonight, I was trying to forget all that. Lisa was over my house and was gonna spend the night. I was just getting out of the shower and then we were going to watch a movie. I came out of the bathroom and into my room, already in my pajamas and with my hair wrapped up in a towel.

"Oh my god, what happened to your face?" Lisa asked, her bottle green eyes wide.

"Huh?" I asked. I peeked in my vanity mirror, seeing the purplish mark on my cheek. "Oh, that's nothing. I just ran into the wall one morning. Clumsy me!" Brandon had slapped me in the face a few days ago. I'd been covering it with makeup, but of course, I'd just showered and washed all that off and hadn't realized it

"I don't believe that," she said sternly. Then her face softened. "Did Brandon do that to you?"

"He loves me," I said. "He didn't mean it."

"What happened?" She asked, patting my bed.

I reluctantly sat down next to her. "He was jealous of Alex and I told him he was being crazy, so he slapped me in the face."

"You know, Alex and I fight sometimes. We get pissed at each other and scream our heads off. But you know what? He's never gotten physical with me," she said.

"What do you guys fight about?" I asked.

"Well, I used to have kind of a jealousy problem too. I'll be honest, sometimes I wondered about you and him...which was why I got upset when you told me you'd had a crush on Alex. And sometimes we fight because our schedules never seemed to match up. Like the first time we dated, it seemed like he always had band practice and I always had cheer practice and then there was school and homework, and it made us both crazy to not see enough of each other," she said.

"And what did he do?" I asked.

"We'd yell at each other till we were red in the face. Sometimes he'd storm off and go for a walk or a drive to clear his head. And a few times, it took him awhile to come around. He can hold a grudge like nobody's business," she said.

I laughed. "You're telling me!"

"But he'd always come back and apologize and we'd talk it out and both be better for it," she said.

"Did he--did he ever break things or slam the door?" I asked.

"He'd slam the door, sure, but he'd never break anything," she said.

"Brandon does both sometimes," I whispered.

"Kae, this is bad," she said.

"No it's not. Things will get better. We're just going through a rough patch," I said.

"You guys have been dating for two months!" She said.

"He loves me," I said.

"That's not love, Kaelyn. Love shouldn't hurt or make you afraid or leave bruises. It should feel good," she said.

"It does feel good. When he's not mad at me, he makes me feel so special," I said.

"Seriously, he's not worth that. There's plenty of other guys who won't hit you or yell at you or tell you you can't hang out with your best friend," she said.

"But--"

"Don't think I haven't noticed that you've been blowing Alex off," she said.

"Brandon thinks maybe Alex likes me," I said.

Lisa scoffed. "Well, I hope that's not true, since he and I have been going out since June. But even so, Alex is your best friend and it kills him when you won't hang with him."

"Please don't tell him about any of this. I don't want him to judge me," I said.

She sighed. "I hate lying to him."

"Please, Lis," I said.

"Okay, I won't tell him. But for what it's worth, he would never judge you for this. He'd be sick over it, but he'd never judge you. He adores you, okay?" She said.

I nodded. "I hope you're right."

"I am right," she said with a smile.

--

Alex's Perspective

It'd been ages since Kaelyn and I had really hung out since she'd been spending most of her time with Brandon. And I mean, I understood. It was cool when you found a girl you liked and you wanted to spend all your time with her. But I missed my best friend. So one day, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went over to her house and up to her room. We'd been friends for so long that I treated her house like my own, and same with her when she came over mine.

She was in front of her vanity mirror, putting mascara on.

"Hey Miller," I said.

"Fuck!" She shrieked. She clapped a hand over one eye and ran into the bathroom. I went out into the hall and saw her in the bathroom, splashing water on her face. I handed her a washcloth. "Thank you," she said, running it under some water. She held it up to her eye. "Alex, you have to leave. Brandon's gonna be here any second."

"I thought we could do something today," I said.

"Clearly, I have plans," she said, gesturing to her half-done makeup.

"Yeah, but I miss you. We almost never do stuff together anymore," I said.

"Brandon thinks there's something going on between us," she said.

I scoffed. "That's crazy!"

"Yeah, but he doesn't think so."

And maybe he was right to be suspicious. I mean, I know Kaelyn was with Brandon and I was back with Lisa and had been since my party, but there was still a piece of me that wanted Kaelyn. But I respected her relationship and my own too much to actually do anything about it.

"Come on, Miller. Please?" I asked, sticking my lower lip out.

"Some other time," she said.

Shit, normally that worked!

--

Later on, I was at Lisa's and we were just hanging out, watching a movie.

"Lis?" I asked.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"What's going on with Kaelyn?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Well, she doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore, and she seems...freaked out about something. I know you guys talk, has she said anything?" I asked.

"Nope," she said, but she was refusing to make eye contact with me.

"You're lying," I stated calmly.

"Look, I can't tell you what's going on because I promised Kae I wouldn't. If you really wanna know, please ask her and keep me out of it," she said.

I gaped at her. "How can you be so calm about this? What if something's up and Kae gets hurt?"

She shrugged. "I tried to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't listen. All we can do is be there for her when she needs us."

"I guess," I said.

My mind still wasn't at ease, but I felt like there wasn't much I could do. Kae didn't see an issue and Lisa wouldn't get more involved. I just hoped everything would turn out okay.