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I woke up early so I could chill at the park and ease my mind. I said my goodbyes to my parents. I walked to the park. I sat on the bench and put my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. I felt a presence but I just shook it off. I was stuck in my thoughts. I picked up a familiar scent that I loved the smell of. I looked up to see Jahseh sitting next to me. I stood up and walked away but he grabbed my wrist. I hissed in pain as he turned me around. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He looked at my wrist and back at me as if he suspected something. He started to lift up my sleeve but I snatched my arm away.
"Y/n how did that hurt you?" He questioned. I shrugged my shoulders and started walking away. He grabbed my waist and turned me around.
"Answer my question" he demanded
"No" I pushed his hands off of my waist. I started walking away again. He grabbed me lower arm and turned me around. He grabbed my other one with his other hand. I kept trying to get out of his grip but of course he has more power than me. He pulled me in for a hug. I tried to get away....of course falling.
"Chill.....just let me hold you" he says. I calmed down as he rubbed my back. I calmed down. He sat me back down on the bench. He lifted my head up by my chin so I had to make eye contact.
"I apologize for yesterday. I just got really heated because you were ignoring me. I hate it when you do that. It makes me feel like I'm an issue to you. But, I am mostly sorry for what I said to you. I was lying to you. I do believe you and I'm on your side. I know you didn't do anything to get in trouble the the cops. I just got scared because sometimes that voice in your head can be hella toxic and dangerous. I got scared because I thought you listened to it. I really am sorry" he apologizes
"It's okay Seh" I assured him
"Thank you bubbas" he thanked me
"Mhm" I hummed
"I just don't know why the voice in my head is like that. It's always telling me to do harm so I understand where you're coming from" I added. He was just nodding his head but he furrowed his eyebrows and was focused on something. I followed his gaze and seen that my sleeve was pulled up over my bandaids. I pulled my sleeve down.
"So that's what you were doing yesterday" he stated. I stayed quiet
"Isn't it?" He questioned. I stood up and started walking away. He grabbed my hand and turned me around.
"Are you okay though? Like genuinely" he asked
"Jahseh I'm fine and I don't need you worrying about me" I said
"Well I have to worry about you if you doin shit like this" he says pointing to the wrist that I cut. I pulled my hand away from his and started walking away again. He grabbed my hand again and turned me around.
"Baby, I'm tryna help you but I can't if you're just gonna push me away" he says. Did he just call me 'baby'?
"I'm not pushing you away Jahseh. I'm fine. I just don't wanna be happy because it's always getting ruined so why bother" I explained
"Then you're obviously not okay because you don't want to be happy. Y/n I'm here for a reason. I'm not here just to be here. I want to help you. I want you to be happy. I don't like seeing this side of you. Talk to me about anything and when I say anything....I mean anything. If you're in any type of pain. It doesn't matter. I think the main reason why you so scared to be genuinely happy is because you're pessimistic" he spoke
"Now that you mention it.....I really am pessimistic" I said sadly. I sighed.
"I hate myself" I whispered. I accidentally said it loud enough for him to hear.
"See. This is why I worry about you. You hide things so well but I know you well enough to know. I can read you" he says. Outta nowhere a squirrel fell out of the tree on landed on its back. It ran off. Jahseh and I busted out laughing. We were hysterical. It shouldn't be that funny.
"See how quickly something can change your mood" he said. I nodded my head.
"C'mon....we gon miss the bus" he said grabbing my hand. We started walking to the bus stop. He started holding my hand tighter. He was looking down at our hands and had a little smile on his face. His smile is so cute.
