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Heartbroken

I don't know if you guys have felt this way, but I am heartbroken.

So what happened is there is this guy who transferred this year to my school and he is not the tumblr, model looking boy. He is nerdy with glasses and braces. Even though he is not the most attractive, he is the nicest and funniest person I have ever met. The moment I rested my eyes on him I immediately labeled him as "Loser" and that is horrible.

Anyways I have grown to talk to him and become bestfriends. The thing is, I can't see him as a friend anymore. I never realized that I have been developing feelings for him. When I finally realized it, I was afraid to admit it. To know that it is true, that I love him.

But all this time I have been setting myself up to be knocked down. I was casually talking to him and telling him my nicknames. I bring up that my nick name is Ellie and he goes silent.

I kinda blused a little and looked down at my feet.

Of course his friend walks over and whispers in his ear. He gives him a serious look and then stares at my blankley. I walk away regretting and pondering about what the fuck just happen.

I talk to my friend about him, but not saying I like him. She tells me he has a girlfriend. I instantly feel like I am falling from an endless building. I feel beating pains in my stomach.

I have been building up all of my feelings for him to find out he is taken. I feel like I just got shot in the stomach, I couldn't breathe.

Her name is Ellie. I wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

My heart shatters into million pieces and I dont think I will be able to mend it back together.

I am a very conservative person. I am able to lie very easily and cover up my feelings really well.

I tell my friends that I don't like anyone becasue no one stands out to me. But he does

I hide my heartbroken heart and carry on being the goofy and funny person everyone knows me for.

When I am sad I hide it. And when I am on edge I just say I have to go to the bathroom, but to cry.

His "girl firend" goes to Santa Barbra. F U C K I N G SATAN BARBIE.

I am closer to you than your so called soul mate. Ugh I just want to hold his hand and say the 3 words that have been killing me since the beginning of the year,

I. love. you.