It was painful, but also a lesson.
Siguro nga ganon talaga ang buhay, may mga darating at may aalis. Ngayon, naniniwala ako na mamamatay din tayong lahat. We will all end up being with him when time has come.
I kneeled infront of the altar and silently prayed. The hospital chapel was silent, ako lang kasing mag-isa dito.
" I know, I have done terrible things in this world. The world is so cruel so I tried to fight it with my cruelty also. Pero tignan mo nga naman, san ako dinala?" I chuckled a bit.
"Hindi ko alam kung paano ako hihingi ng tawad sa lahat ng ginawa ko habang nabubuhay dito sa mundo, one person taught me that sorry is necessary kung sincere ka. And I am really sorry for being the most unreasonable human living in this paradise." I shed a tear.
"Maraming tao ang galit sa akin pero hindi ko sila pupuntahan isa isa para humingi ng tawad, sayo ako hihingi ng tawad. I am sorry, I really am. God, thank you for this wonderful life but I am tired."
Tumaas baba ang balikat ko dahil sa pag iyak, pagod na pagod na ang mga mata ko. Pagod na ako sa lahat.
Mabigat na.
"I want to rest. Sabi ng doctor hindi na ako magtatagal dito. I want to rest in his arms and his forgiveness... that's the last thing I wish for." I cried, every word seems a knife stabbing my heart.
His smiles suddenly flashed inside my mind, ang daming what ifs and how's na pumapasok sa utak ko.
"I love him and if ever my time has finally come to an end, give him someone that will love him unconditionally. Give Nahem an angel, give my baby a woman who can be his friend and lover at the same time. Give everything he deserves and bless him the things he missed for the past six years."
Hinayaan ko lang tumulo ang luha ko habang nakaluhod, tinakpan ko ang mukha ko gamit ang mga palad ko habang humihikbi. Pabulong na nagpapasalamat at patuloy na humihingi ng tawad sakanya.
Naglakad ako palabas ng chapel, wala ang oxygen at wheelchair ko ngayon dahil sandali lang naman ang ipinaalam ko.
Sa bawat hakbang ko para akong sinasakal, masakit ang puso ko at may kung anong pumipigil sakin para huminga.
Huminga ako ng malalim at pinakiramdaman ang sarili, muntik na akong mabuwal pero bago pa mangyari iyon ay umangat na ako sa ere.
I gasped when I saw who's carrying me, it was Nahem and he's not wearing his hospital gown anymore.
"Hold on," his husky voice filled my ears.
Nag-unahan ang luha ko sa pagpatak nang ipalibot ko ang braso ko sa leeg niya. Tumitig lang ako sa mukha niya habang buhat buhat niya ako.
He's wearing his piercing on his lower lip, pinigilan ko ang sarili kong hawakan iyon.
Don't Jaidi, don't.
But I lost it, hinawakan ko ang gilid ng labi niya at pinaglaruan ang maliit na hikaw doon.
"I've been dying to play with this..." it was almost a whisper and I saw how his cheeks burned.
Nag-iwas ito ng tingin sa akin at diretso lang ang lakad.
"You know that I love you right?" I asked, kahit alam kong hindi naman niya ako kakausapin.
