JUST

To Not Feel Human (Boy's POV)

"Boys aren't supposed to cry", his voice echoing through my whole body,

making my insides crease with inexplicable pressure.

Laying there inside my pod-like white ceramic bathtub 

which always made me wish that I could fall into an eternal hibernation in it

so for once I could feel peace.

I could feel myself morph into a machine like I was controlled by a mutant force.

Again and again, his words replayed in my head like a broken record

as I made my way through the intricate maze of tombstones.

The eerie silence was what you'd expect 

but thousands of voices were ringing in my head.

The scolding voices stopped when superiority took over 

among the white marble tombstones were where they laid,

saying I was a pussy to visit them everyday,

saying I wasn't the son they had raised,

saying I wasn't what they had wished for.

I stood there until light turned to dark 

but it felt like dark was perpetually overshadowing me wherever I went.

I walked back, knowing that I can't ever walk away

Every figment of my guilt was a trigger

and every response was the same.

It felt like I was being hanged while my astral body stood aside emotionless on the scaffold.

every second I felt claustrophobic inside of my own thoughts,

escape was only possible with death

who unfortunately didn't accept my hand of friendship.

Don't think I didn't try to escape,

I did but failed.

Cause I feared facing them 

them knowing why I did what I did,

I would still be labeled as the coward,

the pussy who couldn't handle the pain.

~~~~~

Hope you like this one and please feel free to vote and comment anything at all. A big thank you to everyone whose reading!! Enjoy the little moments and live in the present. Don't stress out, don't worry, let things flow. It will work out and everything will be alright. Until next time.