My Star Min Yoongi

The not-so-FUNeral

Everyone has a moment.

That moment that they think of for the rest of their life and think: what if I'd chosen differently? Would the same things have happened? Would I still be where I am today? The moment that blurs the lines of fate and reality and stays with you forever. It stays with you in your sleep, in your dreams, and whenever you allow yourself to reflect it all comes down to one decision made that allows everything else to follow.

This was my moment.

Everyone was watching me. I tried to read the words on the page in front of me but they were blurred into a sea of ink and nothingness. I'd heard whispers as I walked in earlier. People wanted to know why I wasn't crying. I'd lost so many people and yet I wasn't crying. It wasn't natural. I wasn't human. I wasn't good enough.

I wasn't about to let these people see me cry.

The pews were dark and the people were drowned in black clothing. So many people. They were all staring at me. They were turning into a black sea and threatening to drown me. They all said with the articles I'd written for the school paper, I'd have the best eulogies ever written. They weren't people anymore. They were all blurring together into nothing but darkness. I was going to be consumed.

"Hello..." My words were stolen from mouth. They fell out like sand. "Hello... I... We're..."

The darkness was growing. Their faces were shadows, willing the darkness to grow. I was drowning in it.

I had to get out before it swallowed me. So... I ran.

I knew this would happen. I knew this would happen. I had a bag full of journals and a change of clothes and Jo waiting just outside the little church. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I was stumbling blindly and only when the cool wind hit me did I fall to the ground.

I spent a minute crying on the ground sucking in deep breaths. Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Never let it fade away. I ran through the whole song in my head and a few tears later the ringing in my ears faded away. Jo jumped into my lap and rubbed against my black shirt. Her ginger hair went all over it. It didn't matter now.

In a moment of idiocy, I wondered what my parents would think of me wearing this outfit to their funeral. I was wearing black jeans, combat boots, and a black t-shirt, but I wore my fitted blazer. I gave them that much. I gave them that much...

"Come on, Jo." I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder. My phone started playing the Doctor Who theme song and I fished it from my bag. Dani. I declined the call and tapped on my thigh as I started walking. My parents always said they wanted their funeral at sunset. I gave them that too.

But now it was getting dark. I turned on the flashlight on my phone. I stopped in a clearing and drummed my fingers against my thigh. A clap of thunder sounded and a shriek escaped from me. Rain started pouring down and I scooped Jo from the ground.

"We need to find our way home, Jo." I kissed the top of her wet head. "You stink."

I tried to pull up my GPS on my phone but it died as I turned it on. I screamed out in frustration and shoved my phone back into my bag. It was fine. I just had to turn around go the opposite way, right?

A bright light shined over me and continued to scan the area. A helicopter? They sent a helicopter to find me? It seemed a bit drastic, but many of my parents' friends had a lot of money. I had a lot of money. Grellvery University already offered me a position with Dani while I pursued a postgraduate degree in English. I snorted as a raindrop went up my nose....up my nose.

The rain.

It was going up. The blades from the helicopter must be... There's no sound. I couldn't hear the thunder or the wind. Suddenly, the rain stopped. Not in the distance, but just above the clearing I was in. The light shined from directly above me and I put a hand over my eyes and looked up. Jo wriggled in my arms and I gave her a gentle squeeze.

Then my feet lifted in the air. I screamed and wriggled just like Jo, but I kept flying upwards towards the light in the sky.

I was dying. This was it. I wasn't able to take the pain. I died out in the storm and now... I passed out just as I reached the light.