if hyunjin was being honest, he wasn't surprised when he spent night the same as the rest- restless and awake.
he wanted to talk to someone- his members more specifically, but every time he dared open his mouth the crushing guilt of laying his problems on them would weigh down on his chest and clog his throat. and it made him realise, every time, that it was his fault that he was feeling in such a way. it was his fault that he didn't speak up earlier and let it pile on him. and he hated himself for it.
with a squeal of protest, followed by a groan, seungmins bunk above hyunjin wobbled in his strained eyesight, pulling him from his thoughts.
"hyunjin?"
hyunjin would be lying if seungmins voice didn't frighten him in any way.
"yes?"
"you're mumbling quiet loudly, please go to sleep"
hell, hyunjin felt like he was so irritating- so annoying. whispering a quick apology, he turned to face his wall, his eyes becoming filled with tears.
why was he like this? why was he so damn sensitive all the time?
despite all the tiredness that hovered over him, hyunjin knew that he wouldn't get any sleep that night. but he wish he could. his thoughts would be screaming at him, the words from seungmin imprinted in his head and repeated like a matra. he almost wanted to blame seungmin for it.
but it wasn't seungmins fault- his stupid brain just managed to find a way to twist everyones words. he was the one doing this to himself, so why would he stupidly and selfishly try and blame someone else? he was such a prick.
he knew there were ways to take his mind off the constant drumming in his head. a way to control the way he felt and what he was thinking. but everytime the idea crossed his mind, the anxiety twinged in his stomach. because what if the others found out? what if they laughed in his face and said he deserved it? what if they hated him? called him an attention seeker?
he couldn't risk that. because stray kids meant the world to him. they were the best thing that ever happened to him and he was terrified to think about the consequences. the consequences of them hating him, thinking of him lowly, or just plainly abandoning him.
turning to face the bunk that minho and chan shared, hyunjin hoped morning would come sooner, awaiting the work and distraction.
☆☆☆
hi hi !! this is just a really short update. I'm really sorry :( but I want to thank everyone for the support on this. I really really appreciate it.
I'll try and make the next chapter a long one :D
remember that skz love you all so much and are so proud of you <3
