Protecting Her Lost Soul

Chapter 6

He pushes my head away so he can see my face, "What about that fucker?" My heart continues to flutter frantically. I still don't know how my heart is so treacherous as I don't really use it. It's broken in all ways. 
    I lean into his hands. "He's in my head, Flynn. I'm crazy, there's something really wrong with me. Jacob Warren isn't real. I don't have a boyfriend, a real one at least."
      He strokes my cheeks trying to comfort me, "What are you saying?"
      "I'm saying I mentally insane. James is stalking me, he's dead but I see him, Flynn. I know I'm crazy, he's my boyfriend. I can't explain it, I don't understand it."
    "You aren't making sense, Ri. What do you mean you see him?"
    "He's real in my head, I thought the bruises were all in my head," Flynn frowns.
    "What bruises?" he growls. I remove my coat and the lift my jumper over my head leaving me topless with a bra. He gasps as his eyes widen and he lightly touches my neck with his fingertips, "What the actual fuck, Ri?" His touch his light but it hurts. 
    "I don't understand what is happening, Flynn. I'm scared, James hurts me. I told you he can make me do anything. I want him near me especially when you wanted distance."
    "You think this James is hurting you? He does this?" I nod, "Fuck," Flynn gets his phone out of his pocket. "Tyler, this James fucker. You said he was dead. Is there proof?" Flynn continues to trace every bruise on the top of my body. My neck, my arm, my ribs, my hip. "Well, you better fucking find proof. Your sister is covered in fucking bruises, she claims he is hurting her! If he's alive I'm going to fucking kill him." Flynn threatens and I shiver.
    Flynn passes me the phone, "Ty," I whimper.
   "Sis, is it really him?"
   "I don't know, he's dead. I mean he's in my head but he feels so real. I don't understand what is happening."
   "Christ, I will call Dad and see what he knows. You aren't to go out of our sight until we know, do you understand?" 
    "Yeah," I whisper. I hang up the phone and pass the phone back to Flynn and he lobs it on my seat. 
    "Your sore throat?" 
    "He strangled me," Flynn screws his face up with pain as he continues to soothe my cheeks. 
    "Why?" 
    "He touched my scar, he didn't like that I didn't want him to touch it. He did it anyway and asked me what happened that day. He freaked out when I told him I was pregnant. He punched my door and then screamed at me for killing him and his baby." 
     "Ri, why didn't you tell me this? I was right next door when he was hurting you," Flynn touches my ribs. "This one?" 
      "He was there, in my head last night at the ice rink. He said he didn't want you two to see him yet. It confused me that he said that if he's in my head. He was hiding in the corner when you returned your skates. He started asking about his Mom and then Brad. He got angry that I had sex with him. He asked me how many people I had sex with since he died. I couldn't give him an answer. He punched me in the ribs. I couldn't breathe, he told me to tell Jax I was unwell and had to leave." 
    "Did he rape you Ri?" I shut my eyes, "I need to know, Ri." 
    "No, not really," I whisper. "The first night he. .  ." 
    "He what, Ri?" 
    "Well, he does this thing and I don't like it. I should be grateful but it makes me feel inadequate." I shiver. 
     "What did he do Ri?" 
     "He likes to lie on me naked. Like, skin on skin. He stripped into his boxers but he let me stay in my PJ's. He just slid my top up. We were watching a film and he. . . " 
     "Just tell me Ri, you don't need to be awkward with me," I sigh. 
     "He fucked the sofa whilst he was laying on me. It wasn't the first time he's got himself off with me right there. I mean I wasn't even good enough to turn him on or you know." 
     "What's wrong with this guy? You turn me on just looking at you." 
     "Last night he was angry as hell, told me to shower. He never showers with me, I mean I was glad but it's like he's disgusted at the thought. I washed his clothed as they were really smelly. Once he was out the shower he made me strip like the stupid sex tape. I wanted him to fuck me but I also really didn't! You changed me, I always wanted him to before. It meant he loved me, but I was conflicted. I wanted you.
    "He fucked me from behind and told me I was a whore and if anyone else fucks me he will kill them and me. He made me ride him whilst he was holding my wrist behind my back and he was pulling my hair back, I couldn't move. He made me really sore and it hurt. I blocked him out and went to our safe haven. I find that sleep makes him disappear, he's always gone when I wake up. So sleep blocks him out of my head." 
    I sigh, "I feel so dirty, Flynn. I was in the shower ages this morning. Nothing works!" 
   "Did he use a condom?" I nod and he sighs with relief, "Baby, I wish you would have told me. I don't think he's in your head. I think he faked his death and now he's found you." 
    "I killed him! I lost myself when he died! I went through hell because he died. He has to be dead, Flynn. He has to be," I sob and he pulls me to his neck again and he hushes me. "I'm scared." 
    "I know baby, I'm going to protect you, my lost soul." 
    "I'm not scared for me, he will hurt you. He could kill you. You would see red and you'll get arrested protecting me. I can't see you in prison because of me." 
    "I'm not going anywhere, baby. I will protect you," he rocks me until my tears dry up. "Everything will be okay." I nod into his neck and he lifts me back to my seat and I grab his phone and put it in the cupholder. I pull my jumper back on I belt up again he continues to the home. He holds my hand and I hold his hand with both of mine on my lap. 
    "The hospital when you rang me, that was because of him right?" 
    "He was there when I woke up. He clamped my mouth shut so I couldn't scream. He told me what I wanted to hear like he always did. Never claiming to be alive always evading the question about him being dead. He said he came back because he saw that I needed him. I was scared that I actually wanted him there. He kissed me and I deepened the kiss. I was waiting for my favourite tongue piercing to come but it never did. Nothing was the same.
   "When he was with me I was happy the minute he left panic-struck, I called for Tyler. I needed you, but you well, you know. I kept telling James I wasn't the same that you were fixing me. He was angry and said that only he could fix what he broke and he was going to fix me. He said he'd take it slow but he needed me to be his girlfriend. I agreed as long as he didn't leave me. You'd already left me, I was scared. After I agreed he grew more possessive. 
    "I was his to do as he pleased. When he saw what Barbie did he was so angry, he said it was his face that she damaged. He bit my lip too hard, luckily Tyler called me and he stopped." 
    "He was there? At the pub?" 
    "Yeah, in my head remember. He stalks me, I waited for him in the rain where I first saw him and he never appeared." 
    "That was what that was all about," Flynn growls. 
    "I was upset that he didn't appear. He texted me to get you two to leave that night so he could come over. He was angry at my little stunt but he seemed pleased but confused it was all for him. I waited for him yesterday at the same place, he showed knowing I was waiting for him. He said that I couldn't just summon him when I felt like it. Then Nathan showed up and he disappeared again." 
    "Nathan saw him?" 
    "Well, James always wore his hood but I don't know. He didn't mention him when we walked to the pub." 
    Flynn picks up his phone from the cup holder and connects his phone to the car, "Hello?" Nathan says through the system. 
    "Nath, it's me. Look, I know you don't like me very much but I need you to tell me something. It's important." 
    "Okay?" 
    "You met Riley yesterday at the courtyard right?" 
    "Yeah, why?" 
    "Was she with someone?" 
    "What do you mean?" 
    "When you got there was she talking to someone?" 
    "I mean I didn't see their face they were wearing a hoodie covering their face. He walked away as soon as I got there." 
     "Fuck," Flynn shouts banging the steering wheel. 
     "What's going on?" 
     "Riley's ex has been stalking her. She thought he was in her head because he died but he's obviously faked his death." 
      "What do you mean stalking?" 
      "Jacob Warren isn't real. He's been following her, he's been hurting her like he used to, fuck!" He screams again. 
      "Is Riley okay?" 
      "I'm fine, Nate. I just thought it was all in my head," I bring Flynn's hand back to my lap. 
      "Roo? Fuck, what did he do to you?" 
      "I'm fine, I promise. Just a few bruises, I've been worse." 
      "Where are you? I want to see for myself," Flynn squeezes my hand. 
      "I'm with Flynn, I'm okay. We are going to see his sister right now. I'll text you later." 
      "Okay, make sure you do," the phone disconnects and Flynn calls Tyler. 
      "Flynn, is she okay?" 
      "She's okay I just spoke to Nath, he saw him. Well, not his face but he's real." 
      "Christ, my Dad is calling around to see what is going on. Don't let her out of your sight unless I'm with her." 
      "Course bro, we're out of town anyway. I'll tell you when we are home." Flynn disconnects the call. "You know what I'm most annoyed about and it's fucking stupid?" 
     "What?" 
     "Him, getting off with you right there. I mean you are so fucking hot you make me hard. You say he did it often?" 
     "Yeah, he liked skin on skin both of us naked. He'd be engrossed in watching TV and then yeah. Wouldn't even try to interact with me other than laying on me like I wasn't there. Inadequate isn't even the right word." 
     "Ri, he's fucked up. If you were naked underneath me there is no way I could keep my hands off you. Hell, I couldn't even focus on the TV. The whole world could literally blow up around me and I wouldn't bat an eyelid. My eyes would be on you." 
      "Maybe you are just biased," I smile half-heartedly and he snorts. 
      "I don't think there is a guy on the planet that wouldn't touch you if you were naked underneath them. I think that Eric twat would despite him being a virgin." 
      I laugh, "Ezra," I correct him but I'm sure he knew his name. 
      "Whatever, why do you think I get so jealous all the time? They all fucking want you. So for this fucking arsehole to do that I don't understand." 
      "Can we not talk about it anymore?" Flynn nods and I shiver. 
       "We are calling the police about this, Ri," he says. 
        "What? No! You can't," I panic. 
        "We have to, it's the only way to keep you safe," I shake my head. "Ri, be reasonable." I continue to shake my head. "Ri, what is going on?"
     "They might not let me see Miley anymore," Or adopt her. I don't want to jeopardize my chances of keeping her. 
     "I think that's unlikely, it's not your fault you have a crazy ex who's stalking you. Don't sweat this, Ri." I sit brewing over the latest events until we arrive at the home. I get out the car and Flynn takes my hand. 
      "What if she won't see me today?" I worry and he kisses my temple as we walk to the building. 
      "Seems unlikely, Ri. She's smitten with you. You say shit to me on the phone that you'll never say to me. Like you hate me," I frown. 
     "That's because I do hate you. You make these stupid rules. You think you hurt me but you could never hurt me like he does. I can deal with that then why can't I be with you?" 
     "It's not the same Ri, he knows exactly what he's doing! I would never hurt you intentionally but I could hurt you a lot worse without meaning to." 
     "I would just be more careful, I'm not a stranger to pain," he stops and looks me in the eyes. I look away and he grabs my jaw and I wince. 
     "The makeup. . ." he whispers. "How bad is it under there?" he releases my chin and I bury my face in his neck. 
     "Don't worry about it," I sigh and I walk into the home. Roxanne greets me at the office. "Hey," I say politely. 
     "Oh dear, she's not good today Hon." I frown, another bad day? "She's been crying and lashing out all day. She's punched a kid already this morning." 
     "Where is she?" 
     "In the library," I nod and make my way to the library. Hell! She's having too many bad days, it's heartbreaking. Flynn takes my hand again as we walk down the dark gloomy hallway. It really is like a maze and something out a horror movie. I pause outside the library and I take a deep breathing. 
    She's sobbing in front of the wall and my heart breaks. I didn't think my heart could break anymore but it's literally shattered into tiny pieces. "Honey?" I whisper and she snaps her head around at me. 
    "Mommy!" she cries and runs into my arms. I look at Flynn and he looks as confused as I am. She's hinted that she wants me to be her Mom but she's never actually called me that. I collapse to the floor and hold her on my lap. 
    "I'm here baby," I rock her gently as she continues to cry. 
    "Don't leave me! I can't take it anymore!" I stroke her hair and Flynn sits behind me and I lean back onto him as he wraps his arms around us. "I love you, Mommy, I hate it in here." 
     "I know baby, I love you too. I'm here, I love you so much." She clings to my neck and I shut out the pain. "Please be the brave princess I know you are. Just a little longer, trust me." Her tears dry up and she releases my neck. 
     "You're hurting, Angel." She says like it's a fact and not a question. 
     "I'm fine honey," I reassure her and she shakes her head. She pulls the neck down to reveal my bruises. How did she know? 
     "Who's hurting my Angel?" She looks at Flynn, "Who's hurting our Angel? Why aren't you protecting her?" Fuck! 
     "I didn't know Smiley, now I do, I will be protecting her. I won't let anyone hurt her, I promise." She lifts my top revealing my bruised body. I want to stop her but she knows and she's not crying right now. She puts her hands on my belly and frowns. 
     "What baby?" 
     She smiles, "Nothing Angel, you'll see." See what? She leans down and rests her ear against my tummy. The fuck is she doing? She stands up and holds her hand out to me and I take it. Flynn helps me stand up and she takes us to the food hall. "It's nearly Christmas, Angel."
    "I know honey, it's a magical time of year," I say looking at their dull Christmas tree but I imagine it looks spectacular to them. "Is there anything you want for Christmas?" 
    "I only have one wish," she says and then walks out the room. We follow her down the hall, we head outside. 
    "What is your wish baby," I ask. She sits on the tatty tyre swing and Flynn pushes her. 
    "To go home with you forever," I'm trying baby, I really am. I smile at her, I wish she wanted something more simple. To be able to walk into a shop and know I can buy whatever her heart desired. 
    "Are you warm enough, baby?" She nods and she giggles as Flynn keeps pushing her. I sit down on a tree stump. I hurt today, I get my phone out and film them together. They are so cute together. I hold my ribs as I try to breathe. I think the cold air is making it harder to breathe. 
     The day flies passed and it's time to say goodbye. We are in her room and she stands in front of the door, "Honey, it won't be forever. You know the rules, they won't let me return if you react like this." 
   "Don't leave me, Mommy! I'm not ready! It wasn't long enough," she cries. "I'm sorry I said I hate you. I love you," I kneel in front of her and she clings to my neck. I stand up with her in my arms and I gasp. Flynn hugs us trying to support her weight. 
    "I know honey, I love you to the moon and back," I promise. "We will see each other soon," I reassure her.
    "But I'll spend Christmas alone. Christmas is in four days." Christ, really? We go to my parent's in two days. I will have to come back before then. I can't not see her for that long. It's just not possible. She releases me and steps away from the door. Flynn hugs her and we leave her bedroom. 
   Flynn takes my hand and leads me to reception. I'm glad he's here because I don't think I could make my own legs move. "How is she?" Roxanne asks when we reach reception. 
    "Better I think," I nod. 
    "Hey, Rox, I need you to make sure it's only Riley and I that visit Miley. I know it is but if anyone comes claiming they are family or anything. You deny them," Flynn urges and she frowns. I glare at him for making this a thing but I guess it's better to be safe than sorry. 
    "Is there anything we need to be aware of?" she asks. 
    "Not really, I don't think he would come here but my ex is stalking me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know about her but I guess it's better to be safe." I say. 
    She nods, "That's awful, Hon. She's safe with us, let me know if you need anything." I nod and Flynn pulls me out into the cold dark night. I shiver, I hate this time of year. 
    He opens my door and I slide in. I belt up and bring my knees to my chest. He climbs in the driver's seat and he puts his hand on my leg briefly before pulling out of the home. I hate leaving her here, it's only getting harder for all of us.