Protecting Her Lost Soul

Chapter 5

"Ri, answer me," Flynn demands. I slide my sleeve down hiding the bruises but he doesn't release me. 
     "I fell on the ice." 
     "Bullshit! When did you start lying to me? Keeping stuff from me? It wasn't there yesterday so where did you get it Ri?" I look at the people on the ice making sure everyone is okay. 
      "It's nothing, you know how clumsy I am." 
      "Is someone hurting you? Is it Jake? Whatever his name is? I'll kill him if it is." 
      "Calm down, Flynn, do you really think I'd let anyone else lay a finger on me? There is only one person that could and he's dead." 
     "Are you sure? You can tell me anything, Ri, anything," he urges. I smile, I know but I don't know what this is right now. 
     "I know and I love you for it but we can't keep doing this, I'm not yours to protect anymore," he rolls his eyes. 
     "How many times? You'll always be mine, I'd better see where your brother is," I nod and he skates away. I check the rink again and it's all fine. I go for a casual skate around the rink. 
     I see Jax skating to me and I stop, "Time for a swap babe." I nod and exit the rink. I swap my shoes back and walk back to the shoe area. I jump when the hooded figure is hiding in the corner. I jump into his arms. 
    "Hey Riley Bear," he says into my neck. His clothes smell really bad but I don't say anything. He releases me and I walk to the counter. "You look beautiful tonight," I smile at his compliment. "Do you know how hot you are? You've lost your puppy fat and the make up. It's beautiful and you are mine. I loved you then but I love you more now." 
     Should I be offended or flattered? I have no idea anymore. He comes towards me and lifts me onto the counter and stands between my legs. "I can't wait until I get you home, I'm one lucky guy," he pulls the neck down on my jumper and he pulls away horrified. 
    "It's okay JJ, I promise." 
    "It's not okay, I promised I wouldn't hurt you. Look what I did," I pull the neck higher to cover the bruising. He pulls the neck down again and places soft kisses over the bruising. "I'm. . . so. . .sorry," he says between each kiss. "Please forgive me, babe." 
    "I forgive you, it's nothing," he trails kisses up my jaw to my lips. He pulls away from me and retreats into his corner. 
   "Shh, I don't want them to see me yet," he says when I frown at him. I nod and look at Flynn and Tyler approaching. I pull the neck higher and jump off the counter.
    "Are you working tomorrow, Sis?" Tyler asks when he reaches the counter. 
    "Yeah from 7.30 though. Like I said, I'm seeing Miley tomorrow." They pass the skates back and I return their shoes. 
     "Good, I'll bring my date here after dinner." I roll my eyes. "You want to double date tomorrow Bro?" 
     "Sure, I guess." I look at James as he's still hiding in the corner. "Shall we wait Ri and walk you home?" 
    "No, it's okay. My boyfriend Jake is coming by to pick me up." I look at James and he smirks at me. 
     Flynn glares at me, "He's just dropping you off right?" 
    "He will probably stay, like he did last night." Flynn slams his fists on the counter and walks away with his shoes. 
    "Why are you antagonising him Lee?" 
    "I'm not, you're the one that told me to move on and I am." Tyler frowns and cocks his head. He follows after Flynn and I walk to James in the corner. I slide my hands up his top and kiss him. He chuckles and returns the kiss. 
    "I like this new Riley. You take what you want instead of being a timid little mouse." I smile and he moves so he's pinning me against the wall. "However," he says grabbing my wrists and moving them above my head. "I still have full control." His lips claim mine once more. "Hmm, you have another customer. I can't wait to have uninterrupted time with you." 
    He moves away from me and sits on the counter whilst I sort the customer out with his shoes. "You want me to grab us some chips?" he asks when I return. 
    "Sure," I say and pass him my card. He kisses my cheek and slides over the counter and heads to the small kiosk serving food where Maya is now. Flynn would decline my card but James is the exact opposite, he will take whatever he can. 
    I continue to help the customers but they have died down now. It's not long until it's closing. James returns and slides back over the counter but stays sitting on it he slides me back my card. He holds a chip out to me and pushes it into my mouth. He eats a chip himself and then offers me another one with ketchup on it. He misses my mouth smearing ketchup on my lips and we both laugh. He wipes the ketchup away with his thumb and pops his thumb in his mouth. 
    "Hey babe," Jax says from the counter. "It's nearly closing, I'm going to shut down the food court." I nod at him and he walks away. He didn't acknowledge James so that only confirms my theory of him being in my head. 
     James feeds me another chip and I deal with another customer. "Do you know if my Mom is okay?" he asks. 
    I look at him, "She's okay, as far as I know. I mean she was a mess when you were in a coma. She screamed at me and blamed me whilst I was lying in a hospital bed myself but I blame myself too." 
    "She did?" 
    "Yeah, lots of people blamed me for your death. Your girlfriend Elise attacked me and I kicked her ass, then Brad got involved." 
    "Hold up, girlfriend? Brad?" 
    "Yeah she told me, JJ, she told me she was in with the little game. She was your real girlfriend. Brad attacked me, kind of. My Dad got him sent down for it." 
     "Elise was never my girlfriend, Riley. Sure, I slept with her but it was nothing more. Brad attacked you?" 
      "He's grieving, he has a right to be angry with me, I killed you JJ. He hit me and then he forced himself on me, then Flynn beat him up." 
      "I'll kill him. Why would he force himself on you if he hates you?" 
      "Didn't stop him fucking me before that," I shrug. James grabs the top of my arm tightly. He's angry. 
     "You had sex with my best friend? Are you fucking kidding me?" 
     "JJ please, I was drunk. I was drunk all summer, I. . ." I stop talking when his eyes darken and turn deadly. 
     "How many people did you have sex with? I can forgive for a couple Riley but don't test me." His fingers dig in tightly through my coat. 
    "JJ, please. I'm sorry, you were dead I was fucked up." I try to move away from James but he doesn't release me. He looks behind him and grabs my jaw and slides off the counter and slams me into the corner. 
    "Sorry? You're sorry? I stayed faithful to you and here you are slept with the whole fucking town!" He punches me in the ribs and I hunch over and gasp. Fuck! I can't breathe. My mind makes up some fucked up shit. "Tell your friend you're feeling unwell. We are going, now!" I nod and suck in some air. 
    I walk out of the boot area and find Jax shutting up the Food court, "Jax," I gasp. Fuck, I can't talk now. "Jax," I say louder and he turns to look at me. 
    "You okay? You look pale, babe." He checks my temperature on my forehead. 
    "I'm not feeling well, do you mind if I leave?" 
    "Course, I'll close up. Just let me know if you're still sick tomorrow and I'll cover for you." I hug him quickly. 
    "Thanks Bug." I release him and head to the staff room to get my belongings. James makes me jump when I shut my locker and he's standing there. He takes my hand and pulls me with him. I need to shut him out, I need to find a way to push him out of my head. He's going to hurt me, how do I make him disappear? 
   The cold air hits me skin and I shiver. He doesn't say anything as he drags me down the street. We were having fun half an hour ago. How did it turn so deadly? He died, he can't expect me to stay faithful after that. 
    We walk at this brisk pace until we get to my apartment. I unlock the door and he bolts the door. "Shower," he growls. 
   "Are you joining me?" 
   "No, I'll shower after you, hurry up." I nod and scurry into the bathroom. I strip and take my brace off and get in the shower. I don't shower for long in fear of pissing him off. I get out the shower and wrap myself in a towel. 
    He enters the bathroom and starts stripping. I gather his clothes and go to walk out the door, "What are you doing with my clothes?" 
    "I was going to wash them. They will be washed and dried by morning," he nods and I leave the bathroom. I empty his pockets and I set them on a wash and tumble. I walk into my bedroom and dress in my PJ's. I towel dry my hair and sit on my bed. Do I want him in my bedroom? I mean he won't give me a choice anyway. 
    Five minutes later he comes in from the living room with his belongings. He sets them on the bedside table. He sits on the bed and looks at me. "Strip," I shake my head. "Yes, don't disobey me. I waited so long and I was being patient but then you made me angry being such a whore! Now, strip." 
    "JJ. . ." I whimper. 
    "I won't ask again, I thought you wanted me to stay." 
    "I do," my heart stops and I feel icy cold and I want to shut everything off again. I stand and lift my top up. 
    "Slower, you know how it goes Riley Bear." I do as he says slowly lifting the top over my head. I shut my eyes reliving that stupid sex tape. It all feels like Da Ja Vu. I slowly drop the top on the floor and start slowly sliding my shorts and panties down. 
    Once I'm naked I await his command, "Lay face down on the bed." I do as he says. I look at him and he reaches for his wallet and pulls out a condom. I whimper as he slides it on. How did I get here? He can control me, do anything he wants to me and I don't want it. I did back then, I would have begged him to do it. I thought I wanted this now, Hell! I do want this, I don't know. If I didn't love Flynn I wouldn't be so conflicted. 
    James gets up and spreads my legs out and kneels between my legs. He eases his weight on me and pounds into me and I call out at the discomfort. I grip the pillow as he thrust into me harder and deep and he breathes heavily into my ear. "If another man enters you ever again, I'll kill you both. Do you understand? No second chances." I nod as he goes on and on making me really sore. 
   He pulls out of me and sits against the headboard, "You ride me," he demands. I get up and sit astride him. This was one of my favourite positions with Flynn. This is wrong. He grabs my wrists and holds them behind my back with one hand. He eases me onto him and he fist my hair on the back of my head and pulls my head back. "Move," he instructs and I do as he says. 
     He flexes his hips and I wince at the discomfort. It's uncomfortable like this, I usually use my arms to help create friction but I can't move, not really. I shut my eyes and go to my safe haven. It's dark in my room but in my safe haven, it's blinding. It's warm, it smells divine, it's peaceful and Flynn is here with me. I block out the here and now and live in my safe place. Nothing else matters in this safe sanctuary. 
     When I wake from another nightmare I feel really stiff and sore. I am alone again. Is sleep the answer? Does my imagination shut off when I'm asleep? I look into my mirror and I have loads of bruises on my body now. I'm riddled with them. I shower first even though I showered last night. I scrub relentlessly but nothing fucking works. My skin is sore from the scrubbing and my eyes burn from the crying panic. 
    I hear the door open and I quickly get out the shower. I wrap myself in a towel and lock the bedroom door and the bathroom door to my room. I had Nathan fit them. "Ri," he says turning the handle. "Open the fucking door. What happened to your door?" Oh hell!
   "I will be out in a minute. I'm getting dressed," I yell and my voice breaks. I find another high neck jumper thank god and I put on some jeans as usual. Shit, I need make up. 
    "Ri, hurry the hell up or I'm going to kick the door down." I start applying make up as quickly as I can masking the bruises. I finish applying the concealer and Flynn keeps to his word and kicks the door open. I roll my eyes. 
    "Flynn, you broke my door!" I say and continue with the foundation. 
    He rolls his eyes, "Why are you putting make up on? You don't normally when you see Miley, you don't normally shut the door on me either," he sits next to me and grabs my chin and I wince. "Something's different, Ri." 
   "Lots of things are different, Flynn," I agree. I push him off me and apply the powder and then the mascara. 
    "You know what I mean, Ri. I'm worried about you," I sigh. 
    "I told you, you don't need to be. I'm fine," I finish my make up and brush my hair and get up and puts boots on. I put on my leather jacket again. I walk into the kitchen and take my meds. "Ready?" he nods at me and I quickly find my phone and keys and reattach my brace. I lock my apartment and I grab Flynn's hand and then withdraw. His hand is so hot. 
     He grabs my hand again, "What?" he asks. I shake my head. 
     "You are burning me, literally scolding me," I admit and he frowns. He keeps my hand as we get in the elevator. 
     "I didn't think I burned you so much anymore," he says confused. 
     When the doors close I hug him and he instantly returns the hug, "I feel so cold and dirty," I whisper. 
     "Dirty but. . ." he pulls away from me. "You slept with him didn't you?" he says disgustedly. A tear escapes my eye and once the doors open I bolt out. "Ri!" he calls to me. 
     "I'll find my own way there!" I call but he grabs my arm and I wince again. 
     "Just get in the car Ri," he growls and I do as he says. The tears involuntary flow from my eyes. Once he gets in the car he doesn't look at me. I belt in and he pulls away. 
     "You don't understand," I whisper. 
     "No, I don't fucking understand Riley! I understand nothing because you won't fucking tell me! What do you want from me? I tell you I love you more than anything and you get a boyfriend. You tell me you'll never be with anyone else and then you sleep with the fucker!" 
    I bring my knees to my chest and continue to silently cry. "I'm sorry," I whisper and looking out the window. 
    "Save it, Riley. We really do need space, I can't keep doing this." I hate this. I can't do this. The sobs rack my body and I can't hold it in anymore. "Ri, don't cry," he says softly. I can't stop crying, it fucking hurts. I feel the car stop and he unbuckles my belt and pulls me onto his lap so I'm sat astride him. I rest my face in his neck as I continue to cry. He holds me tightly like I need him to. I feel like I'm going to disappear. It hurts so fucking much. 
    "Don't hate me, I'm sorry." I whimper. 
    "Shh, baby. I'm here, I'm sorry for getting angry at you. It must have been a big deal for you to have sex with him and I let my jealousy get the better of me, I'm sorry." He strokes my hair and the sobs don't stop. 
    "Flynn. . ." I sob. 
    "I'm here, baby." 
    "James," I whisper and Flynn flinches. How do I tell him how crazy I am? I don't understand myself so how is he supposed to? Maybe Flynn is right maybe I would confide in him about anything and everything regardless of circumstances. My heart flutters for the first time since it stop last night. James makes my heart stop and Flynn makes it beat. James makes me cold, icy cold and Flynn sets my body on fire. James makes me block everything out and Flynn makes me feel.