Protecting Her Lost Soul

Chapter 21

I can't seem to move my legs as I keep my eyes locked onto his. Mrs Webber takes a seat but James doesn't move only looks at me. "Riley Bear," he says loud enough for me to hear. I take a deep breath and end up coughing. I start moving towards him as I cough holding my side. I walk into his open arms and rest my cheek on his chest. "Are you poorly?"
    "Yes, I have a chest infection."
    "From a cold?" I listen to his heartbeat and bathe in his warm embrace. I love cuddles but I shouldn't want it from him. He's hurt me beyond repair, yet here I am.
    "No, from my broken ribs," I admit. He releases me and sits down. He pats the table for me to sit in front of him. I do as he says and I call out as I sit down. I go back to being a robot, listening to commands because that's what's expected. Is it easier to be a robot?
     "Mom, can you give us a minute?" he says as he holds his hand out to me. I look at his open hand then up to his eyes. I see longing and kindness but it's all a show. I know deep down that this isn't love. I've experienced love and this isn't it.
     "Sure Jay, I'll get us some drinks," she gets up and I place my hand in his as he instructed.
     "Why am I here JJ? You nearly killed me," he looks at our hands and then to my face. He starts slowly caressing my thumb with his and it's strangely soothing.
     "I know and I'm so sorry about that. I went too far, that arsehole was making me angry. It seemed the only way to be together," he snaps. Yeah, he hasn't changed. Will be ever?
     "I would have gone with you. Don't you see that? It didn't have to be this way." Whether it was what I wanted or not. I'm his little robot.
     "But you love him, right? You would have only of been with me to save them, correct?"
     "I love you too, which his why I'm here now. Your Mom said you needed me. I don't think you've ever needed me but here I am." I have no idea where this added strength came from. I scan the room of criminals. I hate it in here. Four white walls, a dozen prying eyes.
     "I'll plead guilty, Riley bear, I swear I will. I just need your forgiveness. I can't handle it in here if you hate me. I need you to wait for me." Wait for him? Is he crazy? Why would I do that? He fucked my head up, literally hurt me, physically. I don't think I could ever trust him. The gate for the inmates open and my heart stops. A figure walks into the room. His face is bruised but I can still tell it's him.
     I stand up, I need to get out of here. James holds my hand with both hands so I can't flee, I shake my head trying to break free. "JJ, I can't," I whisper. He looks at who I'm looking at and Brad looks at us. He frowns and makes his way over to our table. My heart rate spikes and chills run down my back.
     "Brad, what are you doing?" James growls. Brad sits at the table next to us without a care in the world. I try not to look at him, I focus on James's handsome face, even when he's angry he's good-looking.
     "Riley," Brad says distracting my focus.
     "Don't talk to her," James growls. He looks back at me, "Please sit babe, he won't hurt you, not again," he says in a softer voice.  I grudgingly sit down and I use my other hand to hold both of his. I need to leave but he's keeping me here.
     "My parent's are coming today. You know I promised you, calm down mate," Brad says calmly.
     "I can't be here," I whisper. If his parents are coming then they will blame me.
     "I'll protect you, babe, calm down," I nod but how can he guarantee that? Mrs Webber sits back down with some drinks. "Ignore him, I am." How am I supposed to do that when my whole body is on defense?
      "So, have you guys worked it out? You'll cooperate?" she asks James.
      "Mom, I'm still talking to her," he snaps and then looks back at me. "Please, wait for me," he pleads.
      "I don't know if I can JJ. I'd need to know you've changed. You are bad for me," I pull my top down revealing the bruises on my neck. He flinches and I lift my top up and show my bruising around my broken ribs. "How am I to trust you?" I glance at Brad and he's watching us with a stupid sly grin on his face.  I look back at James as he starts speaking again.
      "I will change, I will do this insanity plea test. I'll do whatever they ask, just please don't leave me. I need to know that you're always waiting."
      As long as he's still in my heart I guess I will always be waiting whether I like it or not. I sigh, "If you prove that you've changed, I will be here," I agree. If he takes this plea he will get many years so I don't have to worry until then. He may have moved on by then. If he really is mentally ill then maybe he will get better and remember he doesn't love me.
     "Bradley, oh look at you. What happened?" a woman cries. I look to their table and Brad is hugging his Mom.
     "My best friend," he chuckles and they sit down. James did that to his face? Why? Brad looks at James and smirks.
    "Why?" she asks.
    "Because he fucked my girl and then laid his hands on her," James growls and his parents look to our table and I grip tighter to his hands again with both of mine.
    "Riley?" the woman gasps. "You did this, you put my son in jail!"
    "No, he did that himself," James growls. "How he thought it was acceptable to do that to his best friend's girl, god only knows." Brad doesn't seem to care that James is angry, in fact, he seems to be reveling in it.
     "I told you, mate, I thought you were dead. I was a mess and now look, you're alive, bros forever. Not so bad being in here with you," he chuckles. He's insane.
    "You aren't upset that he beat you up?" his mom says in disbelief.
    "No, why would I? I overstepped the mark. He has a right to be mad. I did what I was accused of. We've cleared the air and it's like the good old times."
     I cough again and move my mouth to my shoulder. I rest my head on his hands and he removes one to stroke my hair, "You really are poorly?" he says softly. He's so warm.
    "Yes, the meds make me drowsy. I should be resting but you needed me," I shut my eyes and focus on him stroking my hair. This is the James that I love, the kind caring one that he showed me at the start.
     "How did you get him to let you out? He's protective over you."
     "He doesn't know I'm here. He's at the zoo, it was hard getting him to leave me," I whisper. I begin to snooze. I can't stay awake.
     "Mom, it's time, make sure she gets home, okay?" I grumble and he strokes my cheek. "Riley bear, as much as I'd like you to stay, you can't. Go home and rest." Mrs Webber touches me and I sit up and push her away. I get up myself and walk to the side of the table. James stands in front of me and cups my face. His lips collide with mine and I instantly return his kiss. He pulls away after a moment and kisses my forehead as he hugs me. "I love you Riley bear."
     "I love you JJ," I whisper. He releases me and I follow Mrs Webber out of the hall. We return to the locker room and I shrug on my hoodie and grab my phone. I look at it and it has many missed calls. Bloody hell. I hold my finger up to Mrs Webber and she nods. I press call.
    "Ri," Flynn sounds panicked.
    "What's wrong?" I grumble, I'm still so tired.
    "You weren't answering the phone, I got worried."
    "I was asleep Flynn, I'm not feeling good," I admit. I think I pushed myself too much.
    I cough and he gasps, "I should never have left you."
    "Flynn, it's fine, but can I go back to sleep now?"
    "Fine, we are just finishing lunch and then we are coming home."
   "You don't need to hurry back on my account Flynn. I'll only be at home sleeping."
   "I know that," he snaps as if it's a no-brainer that I'm home. "Miley misses you too," he says softer now.
   "Okay, see you soon," I say and hang up. I grab my keys and shove them in my pocket.
   "Everything okay?" she asks as I look at her waiting. 
   "Flynn got worried as usual when I didn't answer my phone. He's on his way home, I need to get going."
   "Do you need a lift?"
   "No, my friend is outside," she nods. Would I call him my friend? The hell if I know. I've only just met him. We head outside and I shiver.
    "Well, thank you, Riley," I nod and make my way back to Ricardo's car without any other farewells. I open the door and flop in. I groan, remind me never to break my ribs again.
   "You okay Darlin'?" I look over to him as he sits up from his slouched position.
   "I feel like crap, I think Flynn is actually going to kill me this time," he laughs loudly and starts the car. "They will be leaving the zoo soon, you need to get going."
    "Can we stop for lunch? You were in there ages and I'm starving."
    "Only if you eat on the way," I put my seatbelt on and shut my eyes. I open them again and spy his jacket, "Umm, I'm cold, can I borrow your jacket? Pwease?" I give him my best puppy dog eyes and he winks at me.
    He shifts the belt over so he can take his jacket off. He holds it out to me, "Here Darlin'," I smile and bring my knees to my chest and drape it over me.
     "Thanks," I mumble. I close my eyes and I feel him drive off. I fall asleep.
     "Darlin'? What do you want to eat?" I open my eyes and look around and we are in a drive-thru.
     I reach to my pocket and pull my card out, "Nothing," I pass him my card and he doesn't push me on it. He orders his food and then passes me the card back. I curl up again and fall asleep.
     I jolt awake when my car door is opened, "Where the fuck have you been?" Flynn yells but I don't think he's talking to me. My belt is unclipped and the jacket is pulled off me. He brings me into his arms and I groan. "You had better start talking."
    "You can beat it out of me but I won't tell you," Ricardo says. I feel the warmth of the house, man, they are back too early.
     "Ruby, get you brother to fess up before I damage his pretty little face," Flynn growls.
     "I'm sorry Flynn, we aren't like Tyler and Riley. He listens to no one but himself. Nothing I say or do will make him admit where he's been."
     I'm lowered onto the couch and I groan. "Bro, can you get a duvet? I don't think a blanket will be enough," I don't hear a reply. A pillow is placed under my head and Flynn lays next to me and I curl up to him. "Ri, I'm so mad at you."
    "You love me," I counter. He sighs and I shiver.
    "Yes, doesn't mean I'm not mad at you," love overpowers rage. A duvet is thrown over me and I shiver again. It doesn't take long for sleep to find me.
    "So you don't know where she was?" Dad says.
    "Nope, Ricardo won't say and she's been sleeping. She really is poorly. She's overdue on her meds."
    "Why won't you say?" Dad growls.
    "She made me promise," Riccardo says casually. "I asked no questions so technically I don't know what she was doing. She also said she wouldn't say because she said Flynn was more likely to kill me."
     "Too right, did she eat lunch?" Flynn is always such a worrier about me.
     "No, all she had was a milkshake this morning. I asked her and she didn't want anything."
     "What a surprise, still haven't decided if I will kill you yet," I grumble. "Ri?"
     "Leave him alone, I was the ring leader."
     "Oh, I know. It's you we're talking about. You could get anyone to follow your stupid plans."
     I giggle but soon stop, "Miley," I whisper.
     "With your Mom," he says.
     "My dog?"
     "He's here on the floor, Tyler has already walked him so you can put that idea out of your head. Can you tell us where you've been?" I  smile, he knows me too well.
     "No," I mumble.
      "Why?"
      "Because I'm comfy and I don't want you to move. You'll be mad," I sigh.
      "What did you do, Ri? If you know I'll be mad then you must have done something catastrophic."
      I sigh, "Make him leave," I whisper. He knows who I'm talking about. I don't want him knowing anything.
     "She wants you to leave," Flynn snaps.
     "Whatever you want Darlin'." I hear him get up off the couch and footsteps grow further away.
     "Alright, now talk, Ri," he insists.
     "Mrs Webber called this morning."
     "That bloody woman! She's called every day since he was locked up. It doesn't matter, I denied you entry!" Dad yells.
    "She knew that which is why I impersonated her daughter."
    "She doesn't have a daughter!"
    "I know, I think she used her sister's bank card as ID."
    "You went to see James? How could you Ri? Did you forget that he nearly killed you?" Flynn growls but makes no attempt to move.
     "She said he needed me. She said he wasn't cooperating. She said he would plead guilty if I saw him."
     "And will he? What happened?" Dad demands.
     "He said he would do anything I wanted. He would plead guilty if I agreed. Then brad came in and I freaked out."
      "Brad? They are in the same prison?" Flynn asks stroking my hair.
      "Yeah, James promised me he wouldn't let him hurt me again so I sat back down. He didn't like Brad talking to me. Brad's parents were coming to visit and I had to get out of there but James wouldn't let me leave. He said he wouldn't let them hurt me either. James said he would do anything I wanted if I promised one thing. To wait for him."
     "No fricking way," Flynn growls.
     "I had to accept but if he gets the help he needs he may realise he doesn't love me. It will be years before he's out, right Dad?"
     "As much as I'd like life, realistically we are looking at ten years for GBH. It will be longer if we can pin rape, murder, sexual assault, breaking and entering."
     "See, ten years Flynn doesn't really matter what I promised. I told him he'd have to prove he's changed. I told him he was bad for me. He hurt me and I couldn't trust him again."
    "So you said no?" Flynn urges.
    "I said yes Flynn. He won't love me by then. I lied, okay? It didn't matter what I agreed to. Ten years will change everything and well if not I'll deal with it then. A part of me will always wait for him. Why would I wait for him if I have you? We want a guilty plea, don't we?"
    "You want me?" Flynn tests the words.
    "Yes, how many times do I have to say that?"
    "Then you'll officially be my girlfriend?"
    "Yes, if that's what you want."
    "Of course it is," I sense his smirk and I smile too. I guess Tyler has finally accepted us. 
    "So did you leave after that?" Dad asks.
    "No, I feel really poorly Daddy. I fell asleep on his hands on the table while he stroked my hair."
    "You fell asleep with all those criminals in the room?"
    "JJ would have protected me. I felt awful, then he woke me up telling me to go home and rest. He kissed me before I left."
    "The fuck!" Flynn growls. I feel his whole body tense underneath me.
    "Shh, you can't blame me for that. You know he would have done it anyway and technically I wasn't your girlfriend then." I slide my hand under his top and touch his abs.
     "Fucking hell!" he groans.
     "I hurried back to the car and I really did feel like shit. I said to Ricardo that you were going to really kill me this time." I smirk and he sighs.
      "I really am. When I got home and you weren't here I freaked!"
      "He really did," Dad jokes.
      "How would you know, old man? You weren't here."
      "I know what happens in my house under my roof."
      "Doubtful," Flynn jokes.
      "Enough of that son," Dad says playfully.
      "Dinner is ready!" Mom calls.
      "No," I groan. "Sleep," I beg. Flynn climbs off the couch and pulls me into his arms. "No. Stop it," I protest. "Sleep," I whine.
     "You didn't eat lunch and you are overdue on your next meds." He lowers me onto my chair and Miley climbs on my lap and clings to me. I look at the food and I smile at the corned beef hash. I'm sure I can manage this.
    "Lee, are you drinking enough?" Mom asks. I shrug and I lean around Miley and I rest my arm on the table and I lower my head on my arm. "Honey, you shouldn't be this tired."
     "Shh," I mumble and Miley's tiny hand strokes my face and hair. I close my eyes until Flynn puts his arm around me. He helps me sit up and he administers my meds. I turn in my chair and lean over his lap and he holds me as I lay over him but stay sat on the chair. He feels so warm.
    "Ri, you need to eat," I'm too tired. I feel a spoon at my lips and I sigh and he pushes it in my mouth. I feel like a bloody baby. I chew and swallow. I feel my top getting pulled up and I shiver. Tiny hands touch my belly and what feels like her cheek resting on my tummy.
    "I missed you," Miley says.
    "I missed you too baby, now can you finish eating please?"
    "Sure, Mommy!" she gets off my tummy and his burning hand pulls my top down. More food is pushed into my mouth.
    "That is gross," Tyler sighs.
    "Come on, don't tell me you wouldn't share with Ruby," Flynn laughs. Share what? "It's the same as kissing," Flynn chuckles.
    "Stop talking, bro," Tyler says. I open my eyes and Flynn puts the spoon in his mouth and then he scoops up more food and brings it to my lips. I smirk but comply. Who cares that he's using the same spoon? Once we've had dinner Flynn carries me to bed. He leaves me whilst he looks after Miley. I snooze until he comes back.
     He slides in next to me, "You okay baby?" he hugs me and I shiver. "Are you still cold?" I nod and he gets out of bed and leaves me again. I can't wait to feel better this is annoying. He returns minutes later and he lifts me out of bed. He carries me to the bathroom and sets me on my feet. He shuts the door and the hot air is filling my lungs making me wheeze.
     He removes my clothes, "Bath with me," I whisper. He lifts me into the bath and then he turns the taps off. He surprisingly does as I ask and climbs in behind me. I turn so I lay on my tummy on his chest. He strokes my hair out of my face.
     "I hate seeing you so poorly," he strokes my back with one hand and continues to stroke my hair with the other.
    "I'm sorry, I should never have gone. The doctor told me to rest."
    "I'm still mad about that. Were you scared?"
    "Yes," I admit. "I wasn't really scared when I saw him. I always just fall into sync with him when we are close. It was the pat-down I hated most and seeing Brad but I knew James would protect me so."
   "Pat down? Why?"
   "I hate people touching me. Mrs Webber was worried I wouldn't go through with it if they weren't prewarned of my nervousness. It's normally done by same-sex but they gave me the choice. I couldn't handle the woman doing it."
    "What why?" he growls.
    "It sounds weird I know but I have to trust people around me, to a certain extent. He seemed.  . . I don't know, more comfortable to be around. You know I don't like people who are unsure of themself. He seemed the better option and he was careful and understanding."
    He sighs, "I guess I can understand that, doesn't mean I like it." I start coughing into my hand again, this is exhausting. He holds me until I fall asleep on in him the bath.
     I wake with a jolt and I sit up and cough in bed. My heart is thumping and tears trickle down my cheeks. I didn't feel like I had a nightmare but I'm unsettled, whatever this is. It's dark so I'm guessing it's the middle of the night. An arm envelopes around my waist, "Shh, I'm here," Flynn says softly. He sounds tired, I take good deep breaths but end up coughing. He slides his hand higher between my breasts and slowly lowers me back down into a lying position.
     He shifts closer to me and moves his hand to my cheek to make me look at him. I look into his half-opened eyes as he caresses my face. "Shh, you're safe, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." I nod a few times slowly and he pulls my face to his neck and I breathe him in, soothing me. I don't even know what that was about.
     My heart rate starts to lower. "I'm scared," I admit. I'm glad he's here, even if he can be a pain in the arse sometimes.
    "Of what?"
    "I don't know." I'm really not sure why I'm feeling this way. Am I scared of losing him? Scared of losing my family? Miley? I may not admit it but I'd die if I lost them. I'm not sure that is the root of this problem though.
    I feel lucky to have these people in my life to worry about losing them. Not entirely sure why they want me in their life but I'm not complaining. He pulls me tighter to his body and I snuggle closer into his neck. I shut my eyes and focus on his breathing, his warmth and his security.