Protecting Her Lost Soul

Chapter 3

He smiles at me and pushes past me and he shuts the door behind him. He checks my camera on the wall and bolts the door. "Why would you do that?" he growls when he faces me. 
    "Do what?" 
    "Sit out in the rain for hours?" he was there and he didn't come? I frown and turn away from him. Disappointment floods through me. He grabs my wrist too hard and pulls me towards him. "You'll tell me." 
     "I wanted to see you and you never came." 
     "You were waiting for me?" he seems shocked. I nod and he releases my wrist. "You fascinate me, Riley Bear. I'm going to have a shower and then we can talk." I nod and he heads for the bathroom. It's strange how he knows where things are but then if he's in my head he would know because I know. He also doesn't ask permission but he never used to either. 
    I walk to the couch and turn the TV on. I hear the shower turn on and I bring the blanket onto my lap. I watch the TV sleepily and my eyes sag. I snooze until hands stroke my hair from behind and my eyes fly open. He walks around the sofa and sits next to me. He's wearing jeans and a top now minus the hoodie and his tattoos draw me to him. He didn't have tattoo's before. 
   I pick up his hands and on his proximal phalanges, my name is tattoed on each finger. Riley Blake. I frown and then slide my hand up his left arm to his tattoo on the inside of his forearm. I trace it with my fingers. A human heart with a dagger sliced through it. He's watching my face for a reaction. I slide my hand up his right arm to his bicep where a lone wolf stands underneath a moon. So pretty. 
    "You inspired these," he says and I look at his face. "You are my lone wolf. You make my lonely nights bearable. You conquer the moon and make the sun rise. And this one," he looks at the heart and dagger. "You broke me when you left me." 
    "You left me," I whisper. 
    "No, when I woke you were gone." 
    "You died. It destroyed me! I killed you!" he grabs my face tightly. Always too tight. 
    "You didn't kill me you remade me." Remade him? What is he trying to say? "Riley, I know what I did to you. I know that I have a lot of making up to do, for you to trust me. I want to prove to you that I will be who you need me to be." 
    "Why now? You died JJ, I thought that I was moving on but I guess not if I'm seeing you now. Why didn't you make contact with me sooner?" 
    "I was weak, I watched you occasionally at the beginning. Then I couldn't go a day without seeing you. Your force is strong, then I hated the thought of you with that lunatic. He can't be who you need him to be. He hurt you Riley bear." 
    "You used to hurt me." I sigh, "He fixed me," I defend him. James grabs my leg and squeezes tightly to the point that it hurts. 
    "Used to Boo. You changed me, he only fixed what I broke. Only I can truly fix you because I caused the damage. Just let me try fix this. We can take it slow, please, boo." I sigh and he releases my leg. He leans towards me and grabs my cheeks again. "I need you to be my girlfriend again. Everything else we can take slow, but I need some sanity here." 
    "Okay, just don't go anywhere," he smiles and his lips claims mine. Everyone keeps leaving me. 
    "Deal, let's watch TV," he grabs the remote and starts flicking through the movies. He settles for the new film Ava. James lifts his top over his head and takes his jeans off. I notice the cross tattoed on his chest. He slides my top up and rests his head on my belly. He always used to love laying naked on me. Skin on skin. I guess he is taking it slow as he hasn't removed all our clothes. His hand rests on my scar and I grab his hand. "What?" 
   "It's sensitive," he pulls his hand away and touches the scar. I shut my eyes blocking out his touch. I could only just handle Flynn touching my scar, it's painful to have anyone else touching it. 
    "Your body is mine now, Riley bear. You agreed, I couldn't get hold of your full medical file. I know that you lost a lot of blood." 
    "The windscreen shattered and some glass pierced through my abdomen." I open my eyes and he is looking up at me. 
    "What aren't you telling me? What is it?" I shake my head. "Tell me, now." I shake my head and he shifts abruptly and his weight pins me down and he grips my jaw tightly so I'm stuck. "Tell me," he warns. I used to be terrified when he used to do this but it isn't real besides, I'm stronger now. I'm not easily rattled. 
     "I was pregnant," I whisper and a tear escapes my eye. Damn it, I hate talking about this. He should know, if he's in my head he should know. 
     He sits ups shocked, "You were pregnant?" he says in disbelief. I nod and bring the blanket higher up protecting me. "With my baby?" 
    I frown, "I. . . Of course, I. . . you know it was only you." How could he ask me that? He gets up and walks to my bedroom door and punches it. I flinch as he puts a hole in it. "JJ. . ." 
    He looks at me with a murderous look and I get up from the sofa. He stalks towards me and my heart stops. I back away but my legs hit the back of the sofa. He reaches me and his hands grasp my throat and he pushes me on the sofa stopping me taking a breath. 
   His body pins me down while I try gasping for breath. I clutch his hands to stop him but he doesn't let up. "You killed me and then you kill my baby too." He releases me and gets off the sofa. I suck in a loud breath and roll off the sofa. I hold my throat as it hurts to breathe. Why am I imagining this shit? What is wrong with me? 
   I sit on the edge of the sofa and he kneels in front of me. Tears are flowing from my eyes, he strokes my hair away from my face tucking my hair behind my ears. "I'm sorry boo, I love you so much. It was a shock, please forgive me. It won't happen again, to have a baby with you would be like a dream come true." 
    "You want a baby with me?" I croak. It hurts to talk as well. 
    "Yes, I love you. Why wouldn't I? You belong to me, boo." I nod, I don't want to admit that I can't have kids. I'm just getting over his last assault. "Let's watch the rest of the movie, she's fucking hot." I frown, "Not as hot as you," he kisses my temple. He pushes me down and lifts my top up again and lays with his head on my stomach laying on his front. 
     I try to control my tears whilst we watch the film. I don't really watch the film. How did I get back here? I was out, I was happy. How is he back in my life? I forgot how much of a hold he has on my life. I freeze as he starts grinding against the couch. He's watching the TV but getting off in front of me, well, almost on me. I can't say it's the first time but I always feel inadequate when he does it. 
    Flynn always had me whenever he could, he always made me feel loved and cherished. James makes me feel cheap and worthless. I mean I'm glad that he's not forcing himself on me but he didn't even try and he's not hiding his pleasure. Even when Flynn got himself off it was always because of me, watching me but I know this is not the case here. 
    His breathing hitches and I try shut off. Maybe if I shut my mind off he will leave. I think of Flynn and my safe haven. All the bright beautiful colours. I think of all the things I love about Flynn. The small things, his lips, his lip piercing, his burning eyes. Then the big things like his big heart, the way he makes my heartbeat, how he would do anything for me. The way he made me feel, my soulmate. I am lost dreaming of Flynn Archer my security, the only place I am safe. With him. 
    I wake from a nightmare and I am alone. My breathing is loud and fast and I'm all sweaty. I stand up and look down, my boobs are showing. I hastily pull my top down. I must have been restless in my sleep. I grab my phone, six am. I walk towards my room and flinch when I see the hole in the door. Shouldn't that be gone now he's gone? It's all in my head. I sigh and walk into my bedroom and change into workout clothes. 
    I take my usual route trying to make sense of everything that has happen. When I finish my run I shower. I feel dirty and I haven't felt like that since Flynn. I don't understand what is happening. I scrub myself trying to feel clean like I used to. I get out the shower when nothing I do makes me cleaner. I walk to the bedroom and look into my mirror. I have slight bruising on my jaw. I look at my neck and I have more obvious purple bruising forming. Hell! 
   I really am losing my mind. I find my high neck sweater and black jeans. I put on make up to hide the bruises. Maybe the bruises aren't real, they are probably all in my head. Maybe other people can't see them. I brush my hair and let it fall around my shoulders. I slide on some boots and a leather jacket and walk into the living room. 
   I take my meds and make a decaff coffee. I sip on it and slide my phone in my back pocket. Once I've finished my coffee I brush my teeth and leave the apartment. Tyler and Flynn are waiting for me leaning against the wall. They both look at me and frown. "You look like shit, Lee. What's up?" 
    "Nothing, nightmare I guess." They both seem suspicious but Tyler walks towards me and wraps his arm around my shoulder and starts walking to the elevator. Flynn presses the call button and I can feel him watching me with his burning eyes. We step in when the doors open. 
    "What are you up to tonight sis?" Tyler looks down at me. 
    "I'm working," I shrug even though it's more difficult with his arm around me. 
    "Working? What?" he releases his arm from me and they both gawk at me. 
    "I got a job a week or two ago. It's no big deal," my voice breaks and I hold my throat. It hurts to talk so much. 
     "Have you got a sore throat? Did the rain give you a cold Ri?" I nod. I'll roll with that excuse. 
     "Well, hopefully, that will teach you to not sit in the rain. Why do you have a job Lee?" we walk towards his car. It's bloody raining again, it wasn't when I was running. I'm fed up of the winter roll on summer. 
     "Yeah," I promise. "I don't want to be the rich kid. I want to support myself, besides, you always moan about me in my apartment too much." 
     "So where do you work?" Tyler asks as we reach his car. I climb in the back and buckle in. I scan the street for James but no sign. 
     "At Sullivan's Ice Rink," I say when they are both in the front of the car. "Ty, can I ask you something?" he looks back at me concerned. 
     "Did you see his dead body? Did you go to his funeral?" he glares at me and I cower. He knows who I am talking about. 
     "No, but he's dead Lee. Have you seen him again? Maybe we should get a professional  opinion."
     "No, I haven't I just wanted to know. I'm fine, I promise," he sighs and starts the car. I glance at Flynn in the rearview mirror and he's watching me puzzled. 
     "Are seeing Miley soon?" Flynn asks. 
     "I was thinking tomorrow. I have no classes," he nods and looks back at the road. 
     "I need your car mate," Flynn says to Tyler. 
     "I still don't know what's wrong with your car." Tyler groans. "You want to go to mad hatter cafe this morning?" 
      "Sure," Flynn says and I frown. I reach forward to the gap where he used to hold his hand out to me and I touch his side. I withdraw instantly and I feel his eyes on me. Moments later his hand slides through the gap. I'm so confused right now. I look at him in the mirror and he looks at me puzzled. I'm battling with myself. We are over, I got over needing comfort from him. 
    In my head I'm in a relationship with James yet I want to hold Flynn's hand. He keeps his hand out waiting for me to decide. A tear escapes my eye again, why are things so complicated? I take his hand and I gasp. I almost forgot what his touch does to me. My body relaxes as we connect, he makes me feel sane. 
    My bottom lip trembles and I bite my lip. His hand squeezes mine giving me comfort. Tyler pulls up at the cafe and I have to release his hand. The feeling of sanity is washing away again. I get out the car and sigh. We walk into the building and I slide into a booth at the back. I look at the menu I'm not even hungry. 
    Flynn slides in on my right and Tyler on my left. Flynn always believed I would tell him about James if he was alive but how can I tell him about him being in my head? Maybe I would if he wasn't so hell-bent on keeping his distance from me but he picks and chooses when it's okay. How am I supposed to tell anyone about my fucked up head? 
    "Sis? What are you having?" Tyler says touching my wrist and I flinch. I must have bruising there too, in my head. 
   "Just an english breakfast and a coffee." Tyler nods and goes to order the food. 
   "What is going on, Ri? I know you, something is wrong." I shake my head. James said not to say anything to anyone not even Flynn. 
    "Nothing, I'm just feeling under the weather. I guess," he sighs and places his hand on my leg and I jump at the contact is there more bruising there? Hell! 
    "I hate that you've started keeping things from me. You used to tell me everything." 
    "I hate that you are staying away from me. We don't always get what we want do we?" he glares at me but keeps his hand on my leg. 
     "It's for your own good, Ri. I'm no good for you," I roll my eyes. 
     "So you keep saying." I snap and my voice box hurts and I screw my face up. I hold my throat, why am in so much pain if it's in my head. 
     "Maybe we should swing past the chemist if you're feeling that poorly." I shake my head. "You are more hard work than usual." Tyler sits back down and I push the menu away from me. 
     A waitress comes over with our drinks. "Hi, I'm Ruby your server. I've got the decaff coffee," I grudgingly hold my hand up and she slides me the coffee. "Two americano's," she says and passes them each a cup. "An orange juice?" 
    "That's hers," Tyler says looking at the girl with googly eyes. She blushes as she passes me my orange juice. 
     "Can I get anything else for you?" she says as she places the cutlery on our table next to each person. 
     "Yes," Tyler says as he gets his phone out his pocket. "There's something wrong with my phone and I was wondering if you could help me with it," he places it in her hand and she frowns. 
     "How could I help you with it?" she says timidly. "What's wrong with it?" she asks and then blushes when she looks at him again. 
     "Well, it doesn't have your number in it," he says confidently. I roll my eyes, that was the lamest pick up line ever. 
    "You want my number?" she asks awkwardly. She's trying to maintain eye contact with him because she keeps blushing. 
     "Yes, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I'd be a fool if I didn't get your number." I look at her closely, I mean she is stunning. Dark brown hair, almost black, blue eyes to die for. She's too skinny for my liking but doesn't mean she's not got a body to die for. I see what the attraction is. I look at Flynn but he seems disinterested in her and he's watching me. Thank god. I look back at the girl, she's in uniform and at first glance you might think she was plain but on close examination, she's anything but plain and I feel a pang of jealousy. 
   If I, a girl who's not interested in woman think she's hot imagine what Flynn would think of her but I doubt Tyler would let him get her. He's already head over heels for her. I guess I prefer this girl over Barbie. She passes his phone back and he grins. "Ruby! Get your arse over here, we are busy!" The man behind the counter shouts. She quickly grabs the tray and scurries back to the counter and Tyler doesn't take his eyes off her. 
    "Get in there mate, she's a diamond," Flynn smirks and Tyler looks at him. I frown, I'm at a loss here. I feel Flynn's eyes on me again and he places his hand on my leg again and squeezes gently. I look at him and he's frowning at me. 
    "Fuck man, is there such thing as love at first sight?" Tyler says and looks back in her direction. 
     "Yep, I'd say there is." Flynn agrees. 
     "I need a piss and I need to talk to her again," Tyler says and gets up. I place my elbows on the table and rest my forehead in my hands. 
     "Hey, why are you so sad today? You aren't jealous are you?" Flynn says and strokes the back of my head. 
     "She's hot. Like to die for hot, even I'd tap that and I'm not interested in girls." Flynn laughs but keeps his hand on my head. 
     "Maybe she is but she has nothing on you, Ri. You don't see yourself clearly. Is that why you're sad? You think I want her?" 
     "It doesn't matter what I think. At least you could be with her. She could give you something I can't," he cups my face and I flinch. I have more bruises than I thought.
     "Why are you so jumpy today?" he says looking into my eyes. "Let me in," he demands softly but I can't. "Nobody would be as perfect as you. We can't be together but no woman will turn my head like you do." I smile half-heartedly at his comment. He rests his forehead on my shoulder and then pulls away. 
    I sip on my orange juice with shaky hands. Tyler sits back down. Moments later the girl returns with our food. She places a plate in front of all of us. I guess we all ordered the same. "Enjoy, can I get you anything else?" 
    "Brown sauce, please," Tyler asks and I frown. He doesn't even like brown sauce. She blushes and she walks away. "Damn, look at that ass," he says biting his lip. I roll my eyes and pick up my cutlery. I pile up the hash browns to one side along with the bread. 
   I start to play with the food rather than eat it. His voice echos in my head, "You need to cut out the carbs, Riley. I mean I love you the way you are but people have noticed the weight gain." James said to me. I did cut out carbs for him. My weight loss was the drugs and alcohol abuse though after he died. 
     "Lee?" I snap out of my thoughts and look at him. He's eaten most of his food and I haven't touched mine. "Are you going to eat? We need to get to Duke." 
     I nod and start eating the food. I eat one sausage a couple of mouthful of beans. All the half tomato, the egg yolk and the mushrooms. The bacon is too salty to eat. I leave the carbs on the side untouched. "What are you. . ." Tyler says and I look up at him. "You haven't eaten like that since him." 
    "Carbs are bad. He doesn't like me fat, I mean he never used to." I try to correct myself. Tyler shakes his head. 
    "Did he used to call you fat? You've lost a lot of weight since then. You don't need to be watching your diet." 
    "Well, not directly. Does it matter?" Tyler sighs. I drink my coffee as he shakes his head again. 
    "I just don't want you to go back to how you were. I never used to notice back then but he controlled you. The food, the isolation, he was always with you, he wouldn't let you breathe, the clothes you started wearing." 
     "You don't know anything. He didn't force me to do it, I wanted to do it, for him." 
     "But he still asked you right?" 
     "Can you stop? He's dead, get over it. Can we go?" I stand up and Tyler rolls his eyes. 
     "I'll see you in the car, I won't be long." Tyler chucks the keys at Flynn and he catches them. Flynn moves out the booth and I follow. When we are outside Flynn takes my hand. I look at him and frown. 
     Flynn doesn't say anything but when we reach the car he cups my face again and I wince again, "Let me in, Ri. Something is wrong," he places his forehead on mine. "Really wrong and you won't let me help you." 
     "I'm fine, Flynn. I'm not your problem anymore. I'm not yours anymore." 
     "You'll always be mine Ri. Don't say that to me." 
     "Maybe I never was yours, maybe I'll always belong to him." I close my eyes and he strokes my cheeks and I lean into his hands relishing his touch. He pulls his forehead away from mine. 
     "No, you're looking at it all wrong. You were made for me, you never belonged to him. He was an unfortunate stop gap until we met." 
      "You think?" I ask hopefully. 
      "I don't think, I know Ri. Is that what you're worried about?" I open my eyes and he's burning me with his black dangerous eyes.  Flynn makes everything clear. He makes me think clearly. He makes me feel safe yet I'm seeing James. I want to see James. Why? I just don't understand. James pulls me further away from Flynn. And Flynn also does the same but I can't be with Flynn. James wants to be with me. James pulls me in like a puppet, I have no say. I just do it.