covered-up reality

Cyrus Harley

All my life I have been regarded as the goody-two shoes that does nothing wrong ever. Everyone knew I wasn't the type to act out and be wild. I was the calm, soft, 'girly girl'.

No one ever saw me act out, not that I ever did.

I was happy, really happy. I didn't have what most had, but I was happy with what I had and it was perfect.

My childhood was absolutely amazing and the best memory of all my life this far.

I know I'll probably make some new amazing memories and life is all about living in the moment and not thinking about the past because you're not giving your future a chance and the opportunity to blossom.

I know that the future is more important than the past, but our past makes us who we are, what we will be, plus... I don't have something to look forward to.

I have nothing. No one. Nothing.

My life had changed so much in a short period of time. The impact of persuading, persuasions and fooling and tricking people into thinking you love them.

It happened so quick...

One moment, literally in the matter of time of  two weeks, my mother and I were about to move into a new apartment, in an neighborhood that's not all in your business and an area that's still.

Then... He showed up. I don't know how but he convinced my mother to move in with him, gave her what she always wanted. 'the perfect man. The man of her dreams. The man she wanted as a HUSBAND'.

But all of that was bullshit. Nothing is perfect. She should have known that.

I don't know why, but I always had a bad feeling about him. For a strange reason I always compared him to a predator.

He waited. He waited for the right time to play his sick games, but sadly his game couldn't go on for as long as he wished for.

When he finally convinced my mother to move in with him, at first he was amazing, caring... Perfect. A few days later, his true colors came out.

If my mother didn't cook breakfast for him, she'd earn a slap, and each day it became worse and worse.

It's so difficult and sad to see your mother suffer and you can't do anything. I know I had to do something, but whenever it happened, it was as if my body was frozen and I couldn't look away.

Almost as if my body was telling me to stay and watch, just incase he decides to go to the extreme.

It was hard. Very hard. Difficult to the Max.

First it started with a lite slap, a harder slap, one black eye, then two...to marks all over her body.

It was summer and she wore hoddies and sweatpants every day for two fucking weeks.

It happened so quickly... The night before I could hear her screaming, shouting...but she told me never to come out at night, even if she begs for help.

Of course I didn't understand why, but now I do. He is a monster.

The next day they got married and my mother looked like the most unhappiest bride in the world. Of course she faked smiles and laughter, looked stunning but I could see the sadness in her eyes.

The energy, happiness and joy drained out of her eyes.

Later that night... I should have known that something bad was going to take place.

I should have been by her side. I could have changed her mind, we could have started over.

After the ceremony, he went out to celebrate with some of his buddies and mom and I were sent home.

Even though I didn't accept the marriage, I still wanted to go out and celebrate with my mom. It was her first marriage. After having me with my dead-beat father whom I've never met before, she never committed herself a man again.

She had friends, but never introduced them as her boyfriends. Sometimes she wouldn't even tell me about these friends of her. I had to do some investigating myself.

I wasn't doing it to be nosey, maybe a little, but because I wanted best for her because she deserved best.

When she found out about my meddling, I was forced to stop and I, of course listened to her.

That's why I always had a bad feeling about him. I just never could point out what was wrong with him.

Have you ever experienced a real life experience that feels like a nightmare.

That's my life everyday for the past three years.

My mother committed suicide on her wedding day and my step-father beats the living hell out of me every fucking day for he's pleasure.

Why?

Because he's an horrible monster, trapped inside of a dead man.

Every night he drinks himself drunk as fuck and beats me up.

So hey I'm Cyrus Harley, the goody-two shoes, nerd, freak, nobody whose mother committed suicide and gets beat up every night by her stepfather.

My life is fucking miserable. I have no one and nothing to live for, but I refuse to take my life.

I have thought of it, but... I can't.

I made a promise that night to my mother.

When I found her lifeless body, I promised that I would never take my life nor another's. I promised that I would make a change in my life and I would make change in another's too.

That I'll believe in God and I would pray for her soul every day.

No matter what happens to me in life, I'll always remember her.

I love you Joslin Harley.
My mother.