covered-up reality

Chapter 4 : Offed Hood

Cyrus pov :

After my shaking episode, I had to get off the roof.

The fact that he knows where I am, that he looked directly in my eyes, is driving me insane.

What if he comes for me next?

I did not want to get beat up, I just starting to enjoy my break.

I pick up my book bag quick and head for the door.

I pull on the handle, but the door doesn't open. I push...nothing.

Why the duck is the door not opening?!

I didn't want to think too much of it, I always picnic and over think situations.

I don't know what to do. What do I do?!

I can't shout, I'm sure no one will help me and there is no other off the roof.

I start shaking again and I don't think I can calm myself again, so I do the only reasonable thing.

I take out my balde again... For the second time today.

I don't want to use my blade too much, but if I don't use this now, I'll probably jump off the roof and I made a promise not to commit suicide.

I promised my mother I'll be a better person. I'll live life.

As I'm starting to cut, it feels as if everything around me is fading away. This is my extasy.

The pain is substantial, my mind is clear and my body is relaxed.

Why can't my life be like this always? Still? Peaceful? Quiet and Happy?

I try to imagine how that would play out, but all I can think of is my unhappy and dissatisfing life.

All I can think of is how every night I'm beaten up to a pulp and how I have to wash away blood every morning.

All I can think about is Rick, that depressing place I'm supposed to call home and my dead mother.

I don't even realize that I'm not shaking anymore.

I look down at my are and see all my new cuts from today.

I can't help but smile.

This is proff to show people what I have overcomed.

To show them that my life isn't the best, but I have a coping mechanism that helps sobtahg I can stand another day.

People are usually ashamed about cutting themselves, but I'm proud of mine.

I decide to clean my wounds, what if some one comes up here and find me doing this.

I know I said I'm not ashamed of people knowing, but I also don't want people to know.

To have another reason to judge me.

I know no one is going to come up and help me, but you can always hope.

On the roof, it started to get ready hot, I didn't want to get undressed, so I only slip the hood of my hoodies down.

I retie my hair as this morning I just threw it into a wet messy bun.

I untie my hair and let it fall into soft curls on my head, then tie it up again.

I don't realize how tired I am until Iay my head on my back back and close my eyes.

I feel sleepy and hot.

I can feel myself heating up, but I'm too tired to care.

Just as I'm ready to close my eyes and actually fall asleep, I hear a rustle in the background by the door, but I'm too tired to care.

I close my eyes, I don't have a care in the world. I'm happy just the way I am at this moment.

Bit that was quick cut short when I heard a low whisper.

"Oh... My... Gosh!"

As I look sit up with my eyes closed, I can feel the sun pricing my eyes, even though it's closed.

I put a hand over my eyes and adjust it to the light.

When I look up, finally  acknowledging the person, that's when I realized that my hood is off and my hideous face is on display.