The Invisible Silver Lining [CURRENTLY BEING EDITED]

Chapter 36

I lie in bed, wide awake. I've been wide awake all night. All of the thoughts circling through my head prevent me from sleep. I've searched for sleep all night long and it keeps running away, always staying out of my reach. Another tear slips out of my eyes. I'm surprised I'm still able to cry. I bury my face in my soaked pillow, where all my tears have spilled.

I spent most of my night awake and crying. I got home and, thankfully, Sharon was gone. I found a note in the kitchen saying that she would be staying at Blake's for the weekend. Good. I was fine with that. That meant I was able to deal with my shattered hopes, feelings, and dreams all by myself, with no one to ask questions. Just the way I like it.

I sit up, reaching for the tissue box next to my pillow and find it empty. I sigh, throw the box into the trashcan and grab another big box from the other side of the room. I must have gone through at least three of these boxes last night. Why did I let him worm his way into my heart? Didn't it hurt enough the first time? Didn't I learn my lesson? Boys are trouble. Always have been always will be. I sigh. I never should have let him get close to me. My eyes water again and I close them shut, squeezing the tears out one by one. I have a feeling I am never going to learn this lesson. I am such an idiot. I bury my head in my hands and cry harder.

My phone decides to ring. I look up from my hands and grab the phone from my dresser. Its Xan-no. Alexander. He's been texting and calling me since last night. And I've been ignoring him. But now I feel a blanket of rage wrap around my shoulders. I answer the phone and start yelling into it; "What do you want Ludwig?!" His voice, the strong one that I love -no- hate responds quickly, "Emilee! Please-I have to talk to you! About yesterday, you have to listen baby!" I refuse to be pulled in. "No, you listen! I know what happened yesterday. I say you lips Ludwig. They were on hers! And that's so clearly where you think they belong!" Alexander pleads, "No I don't! She kissed me!"

"Oh really? Then why the hell didn't you break away?"

"She-she surprised me!"

"And how many times have you used that excuse? How many girlfriends are you going to have in Germany Alexander? One? Two?! Maybe more because you'll just cheat on whoever you're with!"

"Baby I wouldn't do that!"

"Will you quit calling me baby?"

"Em, please, I swear I wouldn't."

"Then why don't I believe you? Maybe its because you are nothing but a lying, cheating, backstabbing, rotten, dirty, playing bastard!"

I hang up on him, throw the phone at the wall and lie back on the bed as I start crying again. Fate apparently wants to be cruel today and I don't get silence to cry alone. My phone rings again. Now I'm irritated. I answer and screech angrily into it, "Will you quit calling me?!" After a short silence, Ian's sweet and confused voice speaks. "Emilee? What was that about?" My voice catches in my throat. I open my mouth to respond and my guilt prevents me. Guilt for yelling at Ian, guilt for letting myself fall in love with Alexander, guilt for crying so hard and long. "Em?" Ian asks, his voice full of concern. "I-I-I..." my voice chokes out a sob between my stutters. "Where are you?" Ian demands, now sounding extremely concerned. "H-ho-home." I whisper. "I'll be there in a minute sweetheart. Don't go anywhere." He ends the call and I curl up on my bed. I pull my purple blanket up over my head. Before long, I'm asleep.