The Kissing Booth: Adult Edition

Then There Was Elle

I don't know how long I'd been crying for; it's been nonstop for a couple of hours now. Lee sat on my bed beside me, cradling me in his arms and gently swaying me back and forth. "Shhhhh; shhhhhhh," he cooed over and over. Despite his best attempts, I couldn't stop myself from sobbing my eyes out. Lee was the first person I called when I left Noah's. Lee's initial reaction was to go kick Noah's ass, but demonstrating how far he's come, he ran straight to me instead. And there we were hours later, silently sitting in my room where my whole bed was particularly stained with tears.

"W-What am I going to do, Lee? I-I love him s-so much!" I managed to get out in between sobs. Lee cooed at me again, resting his head on top of mine. "It's ok; it'll be ok. You'll get over him, Elle." "N-No, I won't! I'll never l-love anyone like I love Noah!" I blurted out in a wail. Lee wisely waited a second before responding. "Noah doesn't deserve you, Elle. He proved that today by dumping you. I mean, who'd dump you?! You're a really good catch." My head shook violently. "No; no! I-It's all my fault! I should have gone to Harvard! I shouldn't have g-gone to Berkeley!" "Elle, if Noah really loved you, he wouldn't have asked you to choose any school besides your dream school. You've wanted to go to Berkeley's your whole life! He knows that." "I-It doesn't matter! I should have gone f-for him.... I should have gone...."

Lee didn't reply; just held me closer. I went into another crying spree for thirty minutes or so, only slowing down when I literally felt dehydrated, I'd been bawling that much. Once I started to stop crying so hard, Lee slowed down on the rocking, but he still held me in both arms. Eventually I let out the longest, most pained sigh.

"I love him... I love Noah, Lee." I could feel Lee's eyes lower from here. "I know," his reply was exactly what I needed to hear, short as it might be. "What am I going to do without him? Where am I going to go from here?" Lee took his time to answer me. "Forward; there's nowhere to go but forward, Elle...." "But I still love him." Lee's lips opened, but words came out a few seconds later. He reverted back to rolling me in the interim.

"So love him. Love him and then let him go.... You have to let him go, Elle." My eyes lowered ever so slightly. "But I don't want to." "I know; I know you don't. But you have to; there's no other way. He let you go no problem- now it's your turn." "How?" My voice was very quiet now. Lee shrugged. "Love him each time you think about him; send him love for a minute, then let him go. Move on.... Love him, then move on with life. Eventually you'll stop- you'll see." I shut my eyes as Lee's words resonated me. I closed my eyes...

"We will be landing in Edinburgh International Airport in ten minutes!" My eyes reopened at the announcer's voice. I'd been on this plane for what felt like forever. I slept through most of it; it didn't help that it was an over-night flight. I hate those.

The plane landed bright and early in the morning in Edinburgh. I was all on my own for the first time in months; it felt strange to be in a country where I knew I'd be going home to no one again. But that's what I did- I got off the plane, collected my luggage, and took the tram to downtown. The whole process is kinda hazy in my memory; partly because I hadn't had a good sleep in over two days and partly because I was emotionally numb since I parted from everyone. Somehow- I'm not really sure how- I wound up in front of my apartment door outside the building, where I fumbled around to find my keys in my backpack.

Finally I took out the key and held it to the lock of the door. To my surprise, in that instant my body just stopped working. I stood there still as a pole for a good minute, unable to move anything. After a minute or so, my lips parted as the realization hit me like a title wave. Oh... Oh yeah; no one's going to be inside when I get in. No one's at home waiting for me.... A single tear trickled down my right cheek. It's like I don't want to enter.... knowing they won't be there.