The Kissing Booth: Adult Edition

The Pain Is Real

The next few days were a blur to me. Everything happened so fast. I stayed in bed mostly, only getting up to bathe and eat with everyone. None of the boys left my side for very long. Lee slept on my bedroom floor and I would often hear Marco get up in the middle of the night to check that the doors were locked properly. Needless to say, we were all pretty messed up. And it didn't end there.

On the fourth day of my safe return, I got called down to the university by my temporary supervisor. Instead of finding him there waiting for me, the department head was in my office. He politely asked me to sit down; having no idea what was going on, I complied. I sat opposite him with my hands folded in my lap. I should have been scared or at least nervous, but I didn't really feel anything except for a desire to get back home to bed with the others.

The dean didn't say anything right away but broke the awkward still air soon enough. He cleared his throat as if he didn't want to talk about what were about to. "H-How are you doing?" He asked me in English. My eyes scrolled up at him for a moment, then back down. "I'm alright," I was not alright. I don't think he believed me either. "A-Are you going to your therapy sessions?" "Only one so far," that's all that was offered to me. He nodded, trying to figure out what to say next. "Have the police contacted you again?" "Only for a statement." "I see..." Yet another uncomfortable pause.

"So erm..... I-I'm sure your home department has contacted you," this was more of a statement than a question. I nodded all the same. The department head rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh, good, good... I um..... I don't suppose they've told you anything?" What's there to tell? I gazed up a tad. He shoved in his seat a little, clearly uncomfortable. "No, they're leaving this for us," he said more to himself. "Leaving what for you?" I questioned puzzled. A pregnant pause followed, and the dean took his time to look me in the eye. He already seemed sorry.

"Because of the circumstances, the university is retracting its funding." What? My eyes grew so incredibly wide. My mouth was a thin, emotionless line. Not at all stunned by my reaction, the dean continued. "I'm sorry, Miss Evens. It's not your fault! But considering this was your second assault and it was a kidnapping, your home university has decided that it'd be too dangerous for you to continue your exchange here in Seoul. It's for your own safety." All I could do was stare at him blankly; it was like he was speaking a language I didn't understand a word of. The dean went into repair mode. His hands flew out in front of him.

"Of course all the funding towards this programme will go back to your home university's programme- you're not losing the funding," he explained, as if that made this better. My lips parted slightly but nothing came out. What could I say? What was there to say? I mean, I worked so hard to get here, and here it was, being dragged out from under my feet. The very idea caused tears to well up in the corner of my eyes.

The dean saw this and freaked out. "D-Don't worry! We'll cover your flight and relocation costs! Then we'll help set you up with a therapist when you get settled back in Scotland, ok?" Ok? It didn't feel as if anything would ever be ok again. We ended the meeting with few words after that; it was like my mouth had become paralyzed. I walked out of that office with the sensation that my feet sank further into the earth with each step. Home.... I was going back to Edinburgh... My stay here was cut months short, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I managed to get outside the department building alright, but on the inside I was anything but alright. It was the weirdest thing- I felt detached from my body right in that moment, and yet I could sense everything. Campus was busy, but the world became a deafless place to me. All I could contemplate were those tens if not hundreds of hours poured into this exchange. I remember every single form, every single application, every minute I waited in the visa office. All that time and effort was literally being poured down the drain in front of my very eyes. What was it all for? Seriously, why did I come here to begin with? Now I'll be going back to Europe, probably never to come to South Korea again. I'll go back and finish my PhD in the UK..... I'll go back home, leaving everything here. My new department, my research, my home, my friends, Marco.....

My feet came to a grounding halt at the thought of his name. My heart couldn't have dropped faster from my chest as my eyes grew as massive as dinner plates. That's right, Marco; I'll be leaving Marco.... He still has his exchange to finish here... He'll stay and I'll..... I'll..... My bottom lip began and couldn't stop trembling. A fresh batch of tears rolled up into my eyes.

No. No, I don't want this; I don't want to leave like this. He's brought me so much happiness and without even trying.... I can't.... My hand lifted to cover my quivering mouth. I swore I would never fall for another man as hard as I did for Noah. And yet..... I can't.... I can't bare the thought of being so far away from him! Not after we've found each other. This isn't right! "I thought I lost you again." I can't lose him again- not again. I didn't want to let the walls guarding my heart fall down, but they did. And now I have to deal with that; I have to go through all that pain once more. No! Just no! Marco..... Marco!

I didn't feel myself collapse down onto my kneecaps. I didn't hear myself when my mouth suddenly opened and I burst out crying. My eyes shut and the tears poured in rivers down the sides of my face, but I noticed nothing physically happening. All the pain was radiating inside of me- it touched every cell, every fibre of my being. I couldn't wrap my head around the concept that soon Marco and I would be on opposite ends of the world again. We'd be so far apart.... It was so pointless, so heartless. We'd be saying goodbye, and I don't want to.

Saying goodbye would be so painful: it's going to hurt because our story's not finished, and yet our book is still closing.