It Will All Be Worth It

Seventh.

It's been five days and life is going by.
Exams went well and I did fine. As soon as the results are out I'll be applying for college also. I want my mom to be there in this important year and in all the years of life as she is my only motivation and support to move ahead.

Her operation had gone well, but yet I cannot visit her. Dad told me he will take me there in the evening. But, deep inside I know I cannot meet her without shedding tears and that I do not want. Also, she will be hope soon so let's prepare for that.

When she came home, we did our best not to disturb her complete bed rest. Things had started to go back to normal. My heart was now at rest seeing her rest. Although, we were noticing some changes, as she didn't have any appetite anymore, or she would keep throwing up once she ate.
The doctor still said that is fine and she is all great sooner. Therefore, we were relaxed as the cancer was cut off and only the remaining side effects of the therapy were left.

I had applied for the best college of the city, as I was good in academics. Sorting it all out, I was thinking of how I have already set up my rules and codes by myself because of what I saw. However, this time with a new upcoming environment of the college I wanted the thoughts in me to change a bit.

Firstly, all I thought since childhood was that I don't want to get married and if I say this, it means never, ever.
My God, this was the statement I was following since I got my senses to know relationships and people.
This statement was like a cement brick in the walls of my mind, never breaking or replaceable.

Ever since I saw my parents living there married life, I was terrified to get married even when I didn't knew how getting married was.

They were my earliest examples, and very terrifying ones also, as for the concept of marriage and everything else.Well, skipping this part I wasn't living my own life also, apart from there beat to death sort of relationship. Because, I was so anxious seeing them, that I couldn't even treat myself as a child.

In my earliest years, when other kids were like playing and dancing, I was the one who was called mature. I had seen bad aspect of life at such an early age, so maybe it was in me somewhere, hitting me more each coming day, and bought some silence and fear, alerting my senses, which people termed as maturity.

So, getting older, the sense to know everything was growing in me as well. It was good, because I knew people, I can read them, when most people can't. But don't you think sometimes not knowing can also be good option. Or at least knowing or growing while taking your time. This isn't bad right? But I wasn't allowed anything of that sort.

Life was just going by doing nothing but keeping myself busy in study and art. People would think me as a carefree nerd. But deep inside I wanted to be them. Not that nerdy student no one ever befriends.
No achievements since yet, except for the academics one. A teenager who has done nothing, that other have, not even a simplest thing called enjoying life or smiling or chatting to others.

Apart from all of this, through the optimistic side of me, I am positive that life can more than what I have faced all the time growing old.
Hope was there in me, but for what, that I didn't knew.

I have always believed life as a fairytale, being designed by the way you live it, which I haven't tried yet. That's what my mind had thought in all the tougher times. I knew somehow that everything happens as a reason on a designated time. We can make it happen if we try.

Until and unless we won't ever get our desires full filled. That's what I would tell myself until I reached this year.

When I am about to start my 17th year, and starting college a week after.