𝗔𝗵𝘀𝗼𝗸𝗮 𝗧𝗮𝗻𝗼

Chapter Three

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The throbbing in her head made it hard for her to focus as Ahsoka allowed herself, almost in a daze, to be guided back into the busy diner.

The thriving atmosphere filled with shouts and laughter only added to Ahsoka's splitting headache, but she hardly noticed.

She was tired.

Everything had just happened so fast that she hadn't really had time to process her external fatigue.

It wasn't only the physical exhaustion that succeeded crying, but the realization of her lack of planning that made her want to collapse into the nearest chair.

Part of her was grateful that Dex had chased her down and led her back inside, because she knew she wouldn't have turned around otherwise — but the other half of her didn't want to accept any sort of help from anyone.

If there was any one thing that Ahsoka Tano was sure of that night, even when she had nothing concrete to hold onto, it was that she hated being helpless.

It was a terrible feeling, she knew, and she had spent practically her whole life trying not to feel that way.

As a Jedi, she had dedicated her life to helping other people, not being helped, nor pitied, nor pathetic. And as Dex guided her through the diner, Ahsoka knew she was all three.

Of course, a charitable motive or just a being offering empathy toward a Jedi was not frowned upon — if anything, they relied on it, but Ahsoka had spent her years as a Jedi constantly trying to prove something to others.

Prove that she wasn't too young to be a Padawan.

That she would be a great Jedi Knight.

That she could handle complicated missions.

That she could make the Jedi Council approve of her.

And if she ever asked for help, she made it her last option — being one of the younger students in her classes meant she had to prove she was meant to be there, and asking for help immediately disproved it. Well, that had been Ahsoka's mindset as a youngling while watching the older Jedi in her classes. 

Now, as she almost glided in a dissociated sort of way through the packed sentients, Ahsoka realized that she didn't have to prove herself worthy to anyone else anymore.

And she really didn't know what to do with that information.

There was no more Jedi Council constantly looking over her shoulder; no more burning desire to impress them or seek their approval; no more Master to look up to; and no more friends to fight for.

Ahsoka Tano could vanish from the known galaxy, and it wouldn't have made a difference anymore — every single thing that she had ever done in her life was behind her, sitting at the crisp white structure atop the streets of Coruscant that she could never go back to. She had no purpose, no goal, no plan, and no incentive to keep moving.

Even when she had felt lost on the battlefield, she had been able to recall the friendly faces that warmed her chest and strengthened her resolve. Now, though, Ahsoka, who had always been taught to live her life for others in the most selfless way possible, had nothing to motivate her besides helping herself.

Still so wrapped up in her thoughts, a sudden jarring of her body made her snap back to reality as she realized she had accidentally bumped into a Tholothian. She murmured a quick apology before continuing on, still sensing Dex moving along right next to her.

She felt a lot smaller and a lot younger now that she was beside the Besalisk, and feeling that way did nothing to alleviate the burning shame of feeling helpless and pathetic that was making her stomach drop like a stone.