DIARY OF A RAPPERS BABY MAMA

" Post Survivor, she on fire, who wanna hear my bullshit". -Kelly Rowland

***TW

A few weeks later he relocated about 2hours out the city to his sisters. We start going over there , I was always straight over there they made sure I was cool I felt like I ws apart of the family honestly. My baby was getting older and finally meeting more of her family the resmeblance was uncanny! His sister soon realized how controlling he was and she would ask if I was cool and stuff when he wasn't around. He wouldn't even let me grab weed from men. I'd have to give him the money to get it and he never even would give me what was mine. But we were together and I felt as if somehow we were a family and I was accepted so it didn't matter much to me. It was always as if she wanted to help but didn't want to go against her brother and she would say all the time " well he my brother". As time passed I saw no changes and things ust got worst! To the point he was being disrespectful in front of our daughter and she was around things I never wanted her to see. After spending about 3 days there one day he made breakfast and woke me up and told me to eat. I'm not much of a morning eater so I simply said I'll have it later. Our baby wasn't even crawling yet so she still needed much tending to, once she woke up I fed her and he must've heard her crying so he came back to check on us and offered me the food again. Still not hungry but st the same time not wanting to upset him I took the plate and said thanks. Once she was back to sleep he came to look in on us seeing the food was still there he began to tell me he didn't like the attitude I had today.

*** TRIGGER WARNING***

He proceeded to tell me this is why nobody likes being around me and started to throw every personal low blow he could my way. I told him okay and asked him to just leave me alone but somehow my uncomfortability made him feel powerful so he kept going. Overwhelmed I began to shake and talk to myself saying " just get away get away get away " he told me don't yell in somebody's house as he's standing over top of me yelling and I'm sitting on the floor. Feeling compromised I stood up and as if it was an instinct he pushed me back to the floor. I quickly swung my hand which had my wallet in it toward him. As a reflex he caught my hand and wallet and throw us both across the floor. Weighing my options I told myself we could either fight or I can just leave. Not knowing what could come from it I began packing my stuff. As I'm packing he's telling me " you need to go " pissed off I said I'm clearly going! He smacked every smart thought out of my brain and I just rushed to get away from him.
Not knowing the time the bus came or caring about the 30 degree weather I got my baby and walked to the station 25 minutes away. With my luck my phone died. By the time I charged it I had 20 messages from him telling me how my temper caused his reaction and how me being impulsive had me and my baby out in the cold. I quickly thought about that whole time I spent with him and the restrictions he had me " living " under and abiding by with few to no options and knew it wasn't something I wanted to always deal with but like a drug I almost craved his control. This made me realize not only am I living in a fairytale but it was becoming detrimental. My baby depended on me to show her what is and isn't acceptable and this surely was not it.