The Butterfly Code

37: 10 days left

October 5:

Perhaps I should text them.

Or maybe my brother?

I'm not so sure.

Everything feels a bit numb.

Numb from pain.

From hunger.

I weighed myself again today.

I lost more weight.

Sijeon is proud of me. 

He's changed a bit. He still hits me. And yells at me. And...rapes me. But, other than that, he's not...that...bad?

I mean, it hurts.

I feel horrible.

I don't like it here.

I was scared.

But Sijeon does take care of me. He only whats what's best for me...He's...helping me. 

....

My brother texted me.

Mother is okay.

So far anyway.

They expect her to wake up soon.

But at the same time, they aren't sure.

I wonder what I did to deserve all of this...or perhaps I just realized how small I am compared to this twisted game of life.

I can understand why people try to leave.

It must be so much less problmatic.

I'm selfish to think of leaving, when I stopped Jimin from leaving.

...

Perhaps...I was the problem there too...