Invisible (Namjoonff)

Chapter 13 Resentment, Anger, and Shame

Ki wasn't drunk. Ki just didn't care. 

It was the first time since her college days that she got back home after midnight. She'd spent the evening with Crystal, dancing and yelling and ignoring the pain in her heart. She'd pretended to need to use the restroom every time a BTS song came on. She pretended to pee a lot. Who knew.

She knew he didn't deserve her secrecy, but she didn't tell Crystal the truth. She kept to her falling asleep on the train story. She wasn't doing it to protect him anyway, she was doing it because she was angry and ashamed, and full of resentment. How could she have even imagined something could have happened between the two of them? She was neither here nor there. She was simply no one. And he was...... he was literally one of the most recognizable faces in the world. She felt like an idiot for not knowing it was him, but it's like seeing your teacher outside of school. The brain just can't compute what shouldn't be. Teachers shouldn't have lives outside the classroom and RM from BTS shouldn't be reading books in the park with strange girls. She cringed knowing, she was the strange girl in that story. She cringed thinking of all the times she's just talked and talked at a blank wall. Offering her soul to a black abyss. Imagining his silence was somehow acceptance. But it was just for his entertainment. A rich boy toying with a commoner. She threw her jacket and bag on the couch and went into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. As she brushed her teeth, she heard a text notification from her phone. She paused. It was probably Crystal making sure she got home safely. She finished up in the bathroom and went back to the living room, reached for her phone in her bag.

She opened the text.

"Are you ok?"

It was from an unknown number, but she knew exactly who it was from.

She stared at her phone as the anger bubbled up inside her. She began to text with fury.

"Don't you dare ask if I am ok. You are not the hero in this story. You are the villain. Don't think just because you told them not to fire me that it makes up for what you did. I actually thought I had feelings for you. Feelings that you never had any intention of returning. You used me for your own entertainment and threw some merch at me to make yourself feel better. How dare you play with me like I don't matter. I am so tired of not mattering. I am not invisible." 

She hit send and threw the phone down on the couch. She felt hot tears on her cheeks and wiped them away angrily. She slipped off her house shoes, and grabbed a blanket. She laid down on the couch and grabbed her phone again. 

No reply.  

She texted one word, "Coward."

Ki fell asleep with her phone still clutched in her hand. In the morning she glanced at her screen.

No reply.

Ki went to work.

The day was fairly normal, given the circumstances. She was used to being ignored. Now she was just being ignored on purpose. Everyone seemed to be avoiding her. She thought it ironic that her coworkers finally knew her name.

Just before her work day ended, her office phone rang and she picked it up.

"Hello, this is Ms Kim Minju from HR. Due to the unfortunate incident yesterday, Big Hit is requesting your home address so they can mail you a nondisclosure form. Obviously, this is a serious issue and we can walk through the paperwork with you before you sign. We need your permission to share your personal details."

"Yes, of course. I will do whatever you need me to do."

"Thank you for your cooperation. We'll get this sorted."

Ki hung up. She hated him. He had used her and now wanted her silence.  She fantasized about asking for hush money, but pushed the thought away. She'd sign the paperwork and then never think of him again. 

Never thinking of him again was harder than she thought, as she made her way home that evening. His face in windows, displays for facial care products, the cover of the evening newspaper on the seats of the train car. The song playing in the convenience story down her street. She saw him everywhere. She heard him everywhere. Yes, it was going to be very difficult to forget Kim Namjoon.