Rise or Crumble (Pete Davidson AU)

2.

TW; conversation of depression/suicide

Long story short, Dad was a little more lenient than Mom, taking my needs into consideration.  Noting to his wife that if they forced me to go to France that I would only be doing what I've done here, which was pretty much nothing.  Colson was really supportive too, reassuring them that he didn't want anything bad to happen to me either and would make sure that I stayed on track.

They agreed, and for the first time in four long weeks, possibly longer than that, they were on the receiving end of my genuine happy smile, while I jumped on the both of them like I did my cousin.  That sent them over the edge as the two of them looked shocked.

There were conditions, though, of course.  At first Mom insisted I called everyday but after explaining the time differences and that there was actual work to be done I talked her down to twice a week, whenever I could, without fail.  If things were becoming too much for me Colson was made to promise my health came first, even if it would show favoritism over anyone else.  Now Colson seemed nice, because he was to me, if you weren't family or a band mate than he didn't give a fuck, so that condition was easily accepted.  We were alike in that way, because that was how he always taught me.  Sure it made having enemies worse but it made my friendships seem stronger.

Harley was less than pleased about my choice to leave him for three months, but being the supportive boyfriend he always was, he had come to see me off the day Colson and I filled his trunk with two suitcases of my stuff into the trunk of his car.  As horrible as it is to say, I should have broken up with him by now.  But seeing the way he looked at me with his adorable puppy-like green eyes and the shy smile he's had since the day we met, it never seemed like the right time.  He looked at me like I was his future, there wasn't a doubt in his mind. 

That made one of us. 

His slender arms were wrapped around my waist while he buried his face into the crook of my neck.  Fluffy, dark brown curls blinded me and tickled the tip of my nose.  "Please, don't go," he whined.

"It's only a few months, I think you can live without me.  Plus we can text, call, FaceTime, it could be sweet."  Behind me I could feel Colson's eyes locked on us.  He was the only person that wanted me to end it with Harley, it wasn't anything personal, he didn't want me to get stuck in something I wasn't happy with just because it was easy.  Maybe the trip would help me let go, or I could surprise myself and miss him.  Love might not be a magical force that fixed all the world's problems, but it felt nice from the little I've experienced.

It was time to go, we were running late to catch the plane we needed to get on to meet up with the rest of the band in California.  In three days that's where they were going to have their first show, thus starting the North America tour.  They still needed to go over last minute details, finalizing the set list, making sure the opening bands were there with a list of songs as well, they were planning on releasing new music in the next few weeks as well that Colson said they wanted to add into the tour.  As soon as we got there we were going to be in the middle of pure chaos, that excited me, being about to control the outside world took the weight off of not being in control of my mind.

Just as I stepped away from Harley's embrace, he pulled on my wrists to keep my attention.  "I love you, Cosette."

I could see in his eyes how badly he wanted me to say it back. It was a look I became familiar with when I stopped saying it after the accident. The simple twitch of his upper lip and tightening of his eyes could break anyone's heart, would have broke mine if it worked properly.

It was a few long seconds before I did anything. I may have been insensitive when it came to how I felt, which was nothing in most situations, but that didn't mean I was ignorant to how Harley was feeling. Most nights I wondered when his boiling point would be, and if he had been wanting to break it off with me but was too afraid of how I'd react.