Rise or Crumble (Pete Davidson AU)

9.

"Music wise, what's your guilty pleasure?  No  pretentious bullshit either."  Pete was laid back onto the grass now, arms folded underneath him with while I used his thigh as a pillow.  There was nothing to look up at in the sky, it only grew darker by the minute.  If we didn't leave soon surely the sky would open up to unleash its storm on us, but still we were in no rush.

My hand swung back to smack him whenever I could, it happened to be his stomach, "I have a lot more to me than just being two professors parents, asshole.  Just because I like Mozart and Bach doesn't mean I'm unimpressed by modern day music.  But to answer your question...Kings of Leon."

Suddenly his thigh raised, causing my head to fall closer to a spot that made me blush while he let out an extremely cute, boyish giggle.  "You're fucking joking, Kings of Leon?  Didn't peg you as a Dad Rock type."

"Apparently to you all I listen to is 'pretentious bullshit'  anything would be shocking.  What's yours?"

It took Pete longer to come up with an answer, once again dropping his leg and I leg out a sigh of relief.  In the back of my mind I knew I didn't stand up for myself  enough when it came to him.  Often he'd make small comments about the things I took interest in, or how people viewed me.  Nothing ever bad, he never made fun of me but the way he spoke about my hobbies, it was like he didn't believe it.

"Rise Against."

I couldn't control my laughter either, only remembering one song that played on the radio constantly during the early 2000s while I probably was still in a booster seat.  "Yeah I can see it."

"Fuck off."

"No thanks, I'd like to stay right where I am."

"Me too."

I bit my lip hard in attempt to center myself, having no idea what was going on with me. I wasn't daft, knowing clear and well I had a crush on Pete, but this was different. Plenty of people have caught my eye while dating Harley, whether it be a celebrity or some random cute person on Social Media and it never made me feel guilt. The world was full of attractive people, that wasn't going to change just because I loved someone. I still loved him, nothing could change that, he was there for me at my lowest moments. Barely was my first love and it, so far, had been a really good choice on my part. But for some reason the crush I developed on Pete felt far from innocent.

With no surprise, it made me feel like shit. Disgusting and awful, because my heart could let me like someone without letting go of another. By reality's standard, I guess it didn't matter. He wasn't the type to have girlfriend, nor did he show signs of wanting anything more than to be my friend. Not that I wanted anything more than that either.

"Hey, I'm sorry." Pete luckily brought me out of my thoughts by saying.

"What for?"

"You're really intelligent and sometimes I'm...intimidated to talk to you and make jokes about it to make myself feel better. That's not your fault."

"Do I come across as a know it all? Because if I do–"

"No, seriously you don't. It's my own problem and I feel like I take it out on you a lot."

I turned my head to meet his eyes, they beat me there as he just blinked slowly to show me he meant it. Pete didn't even have to prove himself to me, or all things he could have apologized for, feeling inadequate to my intelligence shouldn't have been one of them. All I knew were facts, statistics, he was street smart on top of being musically inclined, shit the whole band was and for a fact I definitely wasn't.

For a moment the tables have turned and I didn't hesitate to return his kindness he had given me whenever I felt shame for my actions. "You don't need to be a specific type of smart to be smart, first of all. Do you realize that playing bass, as well as you do, is intelligent? If you put one in my hand I wouldn't know what to do with it. Second of all, if there's something I say, ever, that makes you feel dumb on purpose I give full permission to cuss me out. Until then don't assume you know what I'm thinking." While the words came out harsh by the end I let out a smile and scrunched my nose at him just to show I wasn't mad.