The quagmire

An Austere Academy

The Baudelaires sat on a bench in Proffrock Prepatory school, "I feel like we've been sitting on this bench for months," The eldest Baudelaire, Violet said.

"We've been sitting here so long, Sunny's starting to look less like a baby and more like a toddler," Klaus pointed out, the middle Baudelaire.

"De spurth?" Which meant something along the lines of a growth spurt. Little did they know, on the other side of that bench sat the Quagmire triplets, who, like the Baudelaires, had their house burned down in a terrible fire, in which their parents perished.  "Hello Cakesniffers," A girl with red hair in sassage curls and dressed in all pink greeted. "Hello, um..."

"Um, um, are you a blitherling idiot? Everyone knows I'm Carmelita Spats,"

"I'm Violet Baudelaire and these are my siblings, Klaus and Sunny,"

"What does 'cakesniffer' mean?" Klaus asked

"It means your stupid cakesniffers, but I'm the most special girl in the school. I'm supposed to give you a tour," 

This story is known, the next is not. Isadora and Duncan Quagmire sat on a bench in the hallway for what felt like an eternity. Finally they were called into the vice princepal's office. "You, twins, you're now in a broom closet, we have a new arrival of orphans," Nero rudely told them.

"We're not twins, we're triplets," Isadora told the man the same sentence he had heard the whole time the Quagmires have been at the school. "Where is the other one then?" Nero asked, which he did every time. "Oh hey guys, you'll never believe what I just learned," Quigley Quagmire, the eldest triplet said coming down the hallway, "there is a new girl, and she is cute,"

"Quigley, now is not the time-"

"No, there might actually be something, she like, talked to me and everything," Quigley boastted ignoring both Isadora and Nero. "We can talk about your imaginary girlfriend later," Isadora told him. "Oh, hey Vice Princepal Nero, what's up?" Quigely asked doing finger guns. 

"Ohh, now I'm seeing double," Nero laguhed. 

"Yeah, Issy, you and Duncan look the excat same today," Quigley told his sister, Isadora rolled her eyes, "Why couldn't it have been you that died in the fire?" Isadora asked him. Quigley looked over at his triplet sister, "I bet you'd be in tears if I died," 

"That's not true,"

"If you had to live with Duncan in the Orphan Shack,"

"Yeah, okay, that sounds miserable, wait, we're moving to a broom closet," Isadora told him. Nero looked back at the triplets, "Actually, Duncan and Isadora will have a broom closet, and Quigley, you and one of the new orphans will share a broom closet," Nero told them. "How about we put Du-"

"Here they come now," Nero interrupted. A girl that looked about fourteen, and a boy about thriteen, or younger, and a baby, who the girl was holding, came over to them, lead by Carmelita Spats, "Here are the Baudelaires, they're ten minutes late for their appointment," Carmelita tap danced away. "Orphans, meet the other orphans, how about insted of complaning to me you complain to each other,"

"Violet?" Quigley asked the girl, "long time no see," 

"Yes, Quigely, right?" Isadora and Duncan looked at each other in shock, someone actually chose to talk to their brother. "Yes, you are an orphan?"

"Yes, our parents pershied in a fire that destroyed our home," Violet solemnly said. Quigley gave her a sad smile, "Ours did as well-"

"As adorable as this is, it's almost curfew, Klaus, you will be studying with Mrs. Bass in room 102 and Violet you will be in room 101 with Mr. Remora. Klaus and Sunny, you'll be in the shack in the courtyard, Violet you can share a broom closet with Mr. I-know-how-to-flirt," Nero told them pointing at Quigley with the last word. "Yes I do," Quigley told him, a little offended. "No, he's right Duncan is the one that can't talk to girls to save his life," Isadora told Nero.

"Hey! I can hear you guys," Duncan said.

"Am I wrong?"

"No," Duncan answered.

"Isadora, you can take the baby and Klaus to the shack, Quigley, you and purple can go to your broom closet now," 

"It's Vi-"

"Does it look like I care?"

___________

"You lost your parents in a fire? That excat thing happened to us," 

"And we think our parents were apart of some sort of secret organization," Violet added, "there is this horrible man after us, trying to get our fortune," 

"Let me get this straight, this Count Olaf guy, tried to marry you, killed your Uncle Monty and your Aunt Josephine, and he dressed up as a female secretary at a lumber mill?" Quigley asked. Violet nodded, "Yes, it sounds crazy, I know, thank you for listening," Violet told him. Quigley studied the girl's face, the horror of seeing her uncle murdered hung over her eyes, along with the memory of feeling completely alone at a lumber mill filled with gum, when her brother was hypnotized. Or the eerie feeling of walking down the aisle at fourteen, in order to save her sister, but the one thing Quigley Quagmire did not see was weakness, "How do you do it?" He asked Violet. "Hmm?"

"How do you stay so strong?"

"I guess I've had this mask on for so long, for Klaus and Sunny, I didn't realize it became my face,"  

"I bet you don't even need a mask in the first place, tell me about you, not Count Olaf, Klaus, or Sunny, you, Violet Baudelaire,"

"Okay, well, I am fourteen, I am the eldest child, I am an inventor. And that's it I guess,"

"Are you sure that's it?"

"That's all that's important," 

Quigley knew there was more to her story, and Quigley vowed to himself to be able to figure her out. Their conversation was interrupted by Nero opening the door with a man with a turban and sweats on next to him. "See, these are the other orphans," 

"Can I talk to them while you go do whatever it is you were doing," The man told Nero. 

"Orphans, this is Coach Gengis, now I am going to go practice my violin," Nero walked away.

"Hello, hello, hello, wait who is the boy?"

"Who are you, you miscreant?"

"Ah, you sound just like you mother Quigleforth," Coach Gengis said, out of his obvious faux accent. "What do you want Count Olaf?" Violet harshly asked.

"That's easy, you, your bookworm brother, and your monkey of a baby sister dead, and me rich, because of your fortune. But now it seems, with the Quagmire orphans, I'm getting twice the fortune," Count Olaf wickedly laughed.

"How do you know me, or my family?" Quigley asked the horrid man.

"Oh, don't pretend you don't recognize this face," Quigley shook his head, " come on, I used to throw thumbtacks in you and your siblings cradles, and your brother would always cry, and your sister threw that knife. I was so honored that she threw her first knife at me," 

"You're a physco," 

"Thank you," With that, Count Olaf slammed the door and presumably walked away, or did he chose to listen to the conversation oof Violet Baudelaire and Quigley Quagmire?

I now strongly encourage you to look away, this story is about to get much worse.