The quagmire

5 667 Dark Avenue

"I know you guys are nervous about your new guardian. I was nervous about finding your guardian." Mr. Poe rambled. 

"We're more than nervous, we're anxious," Klaus responded.

"And we're worried about Duncan and Isadora," Quigley commented as Violet intertwined their fingers. "Ah, the poor Quagmire twins," Mr. Poe sighed,

"Triplets," Quigley said.

"But only two of them were kidnapped, therefore, twins," Poe explained, Violet saw Quigley trying not to explode. Violet kissed his cheek and then whispered in his ear, "Mr. Poe doesn't know what he's talking about, take a deep breath," Quigley took a breath and kissed her hand. 

"pda," Sunny mumbled.

----

"Ughh, there are so many stairs!" Violet exclaimed, Sunny reached her arms up, gesturing for her older sister to pick her up. "I wish I had someone to pick me up," Violet said, and then Klaus picked Sunny up. "I got her Vi," Klaus said.

Quigley picked Violet up, bridal style, "Your wish has been answered," 

"Thank you," Violet giggled.

"Did my sister, Violet Lemony Baudelaire, just giggle?" Klaus asked, "what you twirl your hair, now? Become the Captain of the Cheer team? Write in a diary?"

"Stop being a bully," Violet said to Klaus, sticking her tongue out.

"Howch ong er?" Sunny asked.

"We're close to the top now, Sunny," Quigley replied, and Quigley was right, after climbing up Mount Everest- I mean the stairs to the penthouse, they were all exhausted. After Quigley had put Violet down, she knocked on the door. "Baudelaires! Quigleforth! Come in! Oh and don't worry, the door is never locked."

"Mr. Squalor, how do you do?" Klaus politely asked.

"You must be exhausted from that climb, I can think of two things to help you, one you can start calling me Jerome, and two I can make you a nice cold martini,"

"Aren't Martinis an alcoholic drink?" Violet asked.

"These are Aqueous Martinis,"  Quigley and Violet had confused facial expressions, "It's just water in a fancy glass," Jerome explained handing the glasses to the children.

"In that case, we haven't had an aqueous martini before-"Quigley started.

"But we'll try them," Violet finished.

"You're adventurous, just like your parents," Jerome commented as they all sipped their martinis, and the eldest three children exchanged knowing glances. "I remember when your parents and I climbed up Mount Fraught to go eagle watching,"

"Do you happen to own a spyglass?" Klaus asked.

"No, but an eagle flew off with my best pair of binoculars,"

"Was Josephine Anwhistle there?" Violet asked.

"Or Montgomery Montgomery?" Klaus asked.

"Or Count Olaf?" Quigley asked, causing Klaus and Violet to glare at him.

"What? It's just a question,"

"I've never met any of your previous guardians, or that horrid man," Jerome told the children. An extremely fashionable woman walked down the stairs. 

"I'm Esme Gigi Genevieve Squalor, the city's sixth most important financial advisor. And even though I am incredibly wealthy, you may call me Esme, I'll learn your names later. I'm very happy you're here, just wait until my friends hear I have three live orphans! They will be sick with jealously,"