I.L.Y. - A MewGulf AU

Chapter 11: The truth

He almost threw the door shut in Mew’s face when he entered the apartment. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was acting like this, but it felt like the whole world was against him at that moment. And in return, he was against everything in the world.

It was like there was a fire in his heart, burning with anger and disappointment. The worst part? These emotions weren’t directed at Mew as he would like to, they were emotions he held against himself. He did this to himself; he brought his hopes up even though he fully knew it was useless.

You should’ve kept that door shut, Gulf, you dumbass.

Mew placed a hand on the door before it could reach him. He had followed the nongs’ angry pace as they left the car but didn’t reach out to calm him down, as if he had known how Gulf felt. This only confirmed Gulf’s suspicious about how the older husband only found him a bother.

And he’s right to.

‘N’Gulf, careful!” the man shouted at the younger after he closed their front door. Gulf didn’t want to be careful, he wanted to channel his feelings into something. Whether it was the door or anything else, he really couldn’t bother caring. So, he turned to Mew, the fire in his heart reflected in his eyes.

“Why?” he asked, voice already breaking with emotion, “Why should I be careful? Haven’t I been so this whole time, working hard to safekeep your relationship!” Gulf wasn’t talking about the door anymore; it had never been about that. This last exchange with Mew had been the final drop waiting for Gulf to explode. “I’ve nicely been playing the role of your dumb husband, to save your dumb face, while it has nothing to do with me! I tried so hard as well!” The younger blinked a couple of times, surprised that tears had started forming. He was so fed up with everything, this whole charade, his dumb feelings and Mew! Mew, the man who was standing in front of him with that stupid worried look on his face, most of all!

“N’Gulf,” his name left Mew’s mouth again, making Gulf feel things he didn’t want to admit.

“Shut up!” he wanted to shout, but his voice was suddenly quiet. He thought he wanted the man to leave him alone, but that thought didn’t agree in his heart. So, instead he asked Mew again; “Why?” He wasn’t sure exactly what he was asking. Why was he doing all this effort for someone he hadn’t even known existed two weeks ago? Why did Mew follow him like this? Why did his heart hurt when he realized he would never be his? So many why’s but no answers.

Instead of answering, Mew took a step closer to Gulf. His arms were open as he approached the nong, as if taming a wild animal. Gulf shook his head, taking a step backwards. He didn’t want to be touched. He knew that if he felt those strong arms close around him, he might never move on.

Ignoring Gulf once again, Mew took another step. He didn’t hug the boy as he had expected, instead opting to take one of his hands which had been hanging at his side. Mew’s own hands held the hand carefully, enclosing it tenderly.

“I’m sorry,” Mew didn’t look at him as he said this, eyes on their hands. “I’m sorry for putting all this pressure on you. I’m sorry for not properly thanking you for all you’re doing.”

Tears fell on their hands. Gulf was surprised to find out they were his own. So much for being angry.

“I feel so alone,” Gulf admitted suddenly. And he really did. He somehow entered this universe all alone, without anyone at his side. No one to guide him or to support him in this suddenly strange country. No one except Mew. But Mew was a stranger who he had never met before this. Who didn’t even care about him like how he cared about the older. Mew, who only cared about him to save his own skin. Gulf was only a temporary replacement, a bother in his otherwise perfect life.